Monday, September 1, 2008

This is now

Today I hung out with the two boys for our CF camp plannings. It was rather stressful to see them half dead and it was so upsetting to see them lose hope. They reflected a lot about me really, the me I used to be and still am in certain ways. I took a few steps forward to the nearby shed away from them hoping to think a little. I was crying inside me, "Oh Lord, where are you when they need you most? I don't know what to say to them, I can't tell them it's gonna be alright" As much as I thought I had this all well planned, I was at point blank. It was then I saw an ant that crawled by .... yea I know you might have heard this story before but I saw it today, the ant was going back and forth carrying little crumbs, many times it stumbled and had to pick it up again. Then I thought to myself, the song they always sing, this two boys, From the inside out.... "A thousand times I've failed, still your mercy remains....should i stumble again ~~

I smiled when they told me they wanted to call off the camp. One part of me was rather disappointed after all the effort we've put in. One part of me was happy for myself because I understand now, the going do really get tough and we must get going no matter what. I believe it is not uncommon for them to know this but they refuse to apply it. I have nothing to protest about because after all I am an outsider. I did what I could, politely telling people it's over, all of us asked why, but is there really a why boys? I'm sure you don't, really. But anyways, I understand that you don't want to lose the lows... by going for the highs and having the risk of stumbling.

I was so sorry to disappoint the gang we had who were firing for the camp, but it was alright, the decision is still theirs. If it is time for us seniors to go, we know where's the door. As long as God's family continue to strive on. Surprisingly, few seniors told me they won't want to give up now. They told me they'll continue praying for a change. Our prayer chain goes on still, I'm very touched, God, I really pray you'll see our hearts' desires for our generation.

Anyways, I was thinking a lot about the camp whilst playing badminton today, a lot in my mind lately. It really have been a wonderful time bonding with the few of the committees and coming back to help. It was something Yi Zheng and Tim did for me. Here I am doing so too. I rushed like mad when Jie Guan smsed me that they left home. Eventually I got into the wrong high way and was 10km away from Kajang. It was a wrong route but the long drive and the speed got me thinking a lot, when you're lost like this, a person who's not familiar with the highway, you're alone, a tank of just enough petrol to get out within the time frame and adequate cash to survive for the toll and a little more petrol, with no credit. That's when "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" applied. I told God, this is it boss, I have no idea where am I and you know my vision can't take it any longer, I will have to stop soon if I dont' find my way out, I'm having tripple vision already. Do something, I'm on my way to a meet up for You, help me.
I stopped. Made a deadly U-TURN but I know the BIG BOSS's got my back. The minute I exited the toll again, three trucks sped by where I just passed. Thank God, or I'd be the next "star" on the newspaper.

It's all about faith really. S spoke to me online tonight, he told me he's been down and weary. I hate to break it to him about CF but it's better now than to keep his hopes up. He told me he's dry and he wanted a breakthrough too in this camp and asked me why it's off. I told him, bro, it's never easy to run a committee, we should just support them in prayer and hope for the best. I believe they know what they're doing. However, he was one of the first to say, "Let's just continue to pray about it, I'm sure there's a turning point after we've gone this far" I was a little uplifted, after so much, we both being down, we decided to trust in the Lord.

The both who hung out in my house including B who joined us later, I really enjoyed the fellowship. It was like how me, Rachel and Grace did last year the night before ISCF. The bonding of different colours and blood. We are still a family in His kingdom. Whatever the outcome is, I trust in God. My vocal teacher asked me that too today, he said, "Who's going to be your pianist?" I said, "You know who I want, but God knows who I need in the end, so let's keep praying"

It's the power of prayer really. A simple prayer can move a mountain. I hold on to the story where Jesus multiplied the food for five thousand people and had baskets more left for leftovers. Whatever it is, I love this boys, I love the rest of them, I love my batch of members, we are a family, we may fail a thousand times, we may fall flat into our faces, we may end up stripped, we may end up cursing like hell but it will all be worth it. When it's all been said and done, we've done it for Him, it is well with our souls.

Prayer chain waiting to fill : Monday --
Tuesday : Shaun
Wednesday: Mandy
Thursday: Maine's mom
Friday: Maine

God bless us!!!

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