Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Who knew?

How would things be? If I tell you I'm suppose to be dead by now, dead and gone eight years ago? I was just chatting with my sis this morning and I was telling her about Ah Bee, and how I never knew that he was the son of that man I've been looking for for so long.

I still remember that I came home with a fever, and I didn't bother telling mom cos I thought it was no biggie. Three days passed and it was a Monday, I couldn't make it to school. I was feeling hyper active..... mom passed me by and brushed my side and she felt my body warmth--- burning hot. She checked me on the thermometer and she nearly fainted when she saw it was 104c and still going. She wiped me with ice water but it was still rising.

In just a matter of minutes I was in Columbia hospital, on a bed, the nurses rushed in and I was like, "What's with the commotion? I'm perfectly fine" One plugged in the drip and the other was trying to get a pulse, one after another tried to get a pulse, I was getting annoyed with them tapping and tapping... it was then the Doc came in and his sthetoscope was out and he turned pale. Rather funny thinking back now, because mom turned white and the Doc didn't know what to do next but to keep trying. I had no pulse but I was alive. Weird.

He finally got a pulse, 35 I think. It was darn low but they were happy they found something. He took my blood for bloodtest and that was what I suffered every four hours, till it was 6pm he walked in to check on me and he announced "She has no more room for another needle insertion" And I thought that was only for drug addicts... =.= He stuffed a little pump at one of my veins and the nurses just suck my blood out every four hours again. The blood was thick and dark, terribly dark, for one moment I was like, 'Chocolate?'

My fever come and go every few hours, the temperature never below the danger zone. They started worrying if I'd be blind or mentally retarded from it. I just laid there, could not speak, was too weak already, I remembered, I cried all night wanting to go to the loo but no one heard me. I was glad the Doc was the first to come in at 7 in the morn to check on me and he helped me out.

One week later I recovered but I had bad side effects due to the medication they tried on me, my limbs were rashed and it was horrid. He gave me his card to his private clinic, and a bottle of cream. My pulse was back to normal but still quite inconsistent... I remember, when I visited him at his clinic, he told me I had a disease that is so rare he didn't expect to be in charge of other than from hearing about it. "Ceasing virus" , it haunted me for a year.

I was just wondering, what would've happened if I really did not pass my mom's side and she never knew and I just wake the next morning dead? Would I have become what I am today?
Would I have loved anyone? Would anyone have cared for me? Would I be Charmaine or just the deceased daughter of Jonathan? Would dad have been a better person?

I wish I knew I had the answer to these.... at that point when I was in the E.R, I wanted to just give up and not bother, but one person kept on trying. Who knew there would be such a person for me at that time?

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