Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Have you?

Have you ever cherished a pillow you had since you were a baby so much that you won't be able to sleep at night without it? Have you ever missed someone so much it makes you cry when you think of the good times you had? Have you ever wanted that someone to hear you out so much that you'd do anything just to have them hear you? Have you ever wanted something so bad that you can't sleep at night?

This is the breaking point I'm at right now at this hour -- 2.46am. A knock came to my door and found my floor mate - Li Ping there. She sat next to me and started chatting. She was rather concern that I was not sleeping, very sweet of her really, she was one of the first who applauded when I broke of the news that my insomnia was cured. In addition to that, she wanted to tell me a little secret of hers herself, but it didn't take her long for her to voice out her thoughts, she just said, "There's a lot going in your mind"

Indeed there is. I struggled to find the words to tell her how I felt, it has been renderring in me for quite some time now and finally actually putting it in words was much harder than I imagined. As I elaborated on my eventful journey of knowing someone and music being a reward and yet an unending treasure hunt that was so pleasant to strive for, she too was hooked into hearing the life of a "struggling ugly duckling" Sometimes being too passionate, sensitive, graceful towards every aspect in life can cause you harm. I blame myself for possessing such personality that every little change in my environment affects me a whole lot.

It's amazing how life can be sometimes, your life is still going on but you know you're still standing. I was browsing through all the folders I have in my pendrive and the turmoil in me begin to roar again. I have found a person who has given me a hand out of a puddle of mud but has also given me a hand to much more turmoil.

I'm still in awe of how the law of attraction works. Let me clarify that I am not talking about BG relationships though it may apply to other people. It is a natural phenomena that an individual would find favour and comfort with another individual. But, there is also the second version of this law of attraction in which what was attracted will repel. I'm not really sure of what am I trying to say here for it is now 3.30am and I am physically tired but mentally uptight. I do not know to what extend should a person trust another person and to what extend can a person tell another person their deepest and darkest secrets? How do you know who trust and whom not to trust?

How do you know whether the person at your door right now is the right person to talk to about your problems? I really wonder, and how would one face the consequences when one finds out that being so thorough and bare with everything in you is the wrong move after all. I was just telling Li Ping that when you think you really know someone,that's when you should really think again.

Li Ping asked if I miss this person who was at my door and would I want to fix things. I smiled and said, it will be to no avail. And some things are better left unsaid... some of you may think you know who I'm talking about but really, think again. I'm not pinpointing anyone or backstabbing anyone or should I say "cyber gossiping" anyone but just a moment of curiosity in which I wonder if anyone ever felt this way that when you want that door to be knocked again, your door remains ajar but never fully opened because no one is entering anymore.

Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
- Brandy's Have you ever lyrics-

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