I realized one thing these days, that kids will always be kids. It's funny how they complained that the people were not open enough nor friendly enough to get to know them when all eyes can see that they themselves made no effort to make a difference.

I finished class at two today and after rushing my assignments and handing them up, I rushed all the way back just to book the campsite. The funny thing is I really feel dumb having to do that little thing because the committee should be doing it. And yes, I took heed of what people my batch said that I should not be that involved. I wonder if anyone understood that I am here to help not to be the main character of this event.

I hope you guys are happy, because it is all over now. Obviously the outsiders got pretty annoyed because I am the only one consistently calling them, updating them things that is totally out of my league. I hate it that you guys complain so much about everything when you guys ain't doing what you ought to be doing. I know I'm mean for saying this and probably because I don't understand you well enough and probably you guys have difficulties of your own. I just wanna voice out my opinion lar kay, because it's taken up too much time and I am very upset to see all this to go to waste and it is going down as I type now.

Once someone mentioned that it was offending when I said that none of you took effort to work the relationship with others, well, it's just so darn true isn't it? It's funny how some of you asked for our help and now that we're here, you expect us to do every little bit for you and be spoonfed and pampered to the extreme. A one man show I think I have just made a fool out of myself because till today, I really thought you guys have changed.

I must say, that I envy Jonathan because being as young as he, he could lead such a huge army with him. Not forgetting his humbleness as he approach people of all ages. I admire his character, his way of communicating and reaching out. Amazing really, and I don't think I have met a committee that could be compared to his. I respect this chap, and I am grateful for the friendship that we have built in just a short weekend, looking forward to our lunch appointment.

I'm nothing but purely disappointed with how the measure of God's work and the requirements of the world is weighed. I have exams too and so do you guys. But the funny thing is, none of them thought of me as well. Not that I'm whinning, but maybe take a minute to ponder how one should weigh priorities and handle them all well.... I have done my part, I have returned, I have loved and cared for them, but to no avail because they literally took us all for granted. It's time to draw the curtains and allow me and S especially, to leave the stage.

I had some time off today and happened to chat with an old chap of mine on MSN. We were merely catching up till he touched that scar of mine again. After so long.... I thought I was over it but I guess I did not after all. It was that disgusting feeling again. The thought that made me feel that I am nothing but a pile of crap.

I don't like the way I feel or have been feeling, and believe me, I've tried my best to change my ways and my thoughts and the way I see things these days, I'm much of a changed person that I don't even know who am I anymore. But it's for the best is it not? People like the new me better.

I don't want to hate you. I don't, at least I tell myself I don't. Well... it's more of a confusion really. You came into my life when I was at that dirty patch....... you responded to my despair and in a way helped me out of that mudpile and got me to where I am now. But I just wished you'd never have gotten into my mess, I wish I never let you in at all. Because you made me think that I'm not what he claims I am, you made me believe in myself but to what extent?

In the end, as nice as you are to me now, you are becoming more of the reflection of that shadow that has caused me so much pain. You raised doubts in me that make me hate myself for being me even more. I can't help but think that you said those words at that point of time merely to make me feel better and to merely lighten the situation a little. I really don't know, and I really am tired of thinking, my mom thinks I'm crazy nowadays, for I would sob endlessly shutting my ears with my hands and begging for the voices in my head to stop talking, stop telling me things I don't want to remember.

In a way, I wish I never let you cheat me into where I am now, I don't even know for sure whether you lied, but if you hadn't, I doubt I'd be a confident person as I am now, it's a situation where I'd neither lose nor win, it's really unfair. And it makes me sick, the question, "is that person a true friend to you?" I can never answer that, and I don't ever wonder to think about the answer to it. You know it's a scar, to certain extent, you made me feel alive and better after much bitterness I have suffered, and you still are concern that I will not suffer that bitterness but sometimes, I can't help but get the feeling that you believe what he thinks of me too. I can't help it, I wish there'd be a way to stop the voices from telling me this.... I hate it.

Hey peeps, yup, here's the post about the Music and Soul night which was held last Saturday at my college... heheheheh... bermulalah charater memblogging saya.

Starring the director of the Postcard at Singapore song......


Mua!!! joking.... everybody played a role... everybody were directors, we are a family aren't we?


The live ochestra was rehearsing since 10am in the morning non stop till the performance begun at 8pm...I must add that the conductor is so handsome... :P

My date whom I "imported" to save myself from having to dance with partners I don't favour. hehehehe.... I know... he's inappropriate in away right? Let's see how he is after the make over..

Aiyoh... Jie Guan tersipu-sipu next to me, hating the way he looks kua..what about me??! :D

Sigh... I can only transform him through outfits, but he's still very much a little kid, playing with balloons..

Oh great, he didn't want to layan me after that...

Smile! For the camera's sake lar dungu, the camera man was coaxing him to smile, am I that horrible to be with??!

Yeap.... Jieg started crying after I furiously "abandoned" him

Emo pulak ni.... I miss those times in ACS when the prefects will tegur "jangan gantung tie"

If his sister or mom spotted this I'm so dead, I'm responsible for this freak who decided to get drunk just before the performance.

..........I guess we now know what he would do when he's drunk.... I didn't expect Kenny G though.. lol

And then.... Bogey man appeared...

Kucchi kucchi jieguan... come to papa...bogey bogey..



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

*gasps*

The new generation of bogey man...seems to me he looks more like the taukeh for char kuey teow stall who so happenly dressed formally.

Alright alright, I take back whatever I said.... my partner has successfuly turned into the hollow man or something... sigh...

What's this?

PENGKHIANAT MALAYSIA!

Jie Guan says, : "Well, I can't help it, I am much better looking than Bush.."

Ini pulak, perempuan tak perempuan, lelaki tak lelaki, Jay Chou tak Jay Chou... haiz...

I don't know what he's really trying to do... only two options :

1) He wants to camouflage his fart sound with some balloon popping effect

2) He decided to poop balloons..

How wild can we get behind the curtains? You don't wanna know...



..................................SERIOUSLY, you don't wanna know...




ALRIGHT, you asked for it.

My leading actress I hired, look at how wicked she looks like... and where she's standing next to? The changing room... her hand (tugging on the curtain) that will reveal it all!!!

Su Yin pulak.. kesian... Jie Guan's sister... doesn't know which gender she prefers for her future... both seem to do well for her.. hehehe

What was I doing?? Well........... I was never the innocent girl... well I am to some extent really.. so okay, I was having a jolly good time...

Getting a good view... hehehehe...

Then this boy covered my view saying that I'm underage.. "Dei, look back up at the previous photo, what about Cindy the chairperson of drama club who seems to be enjoying the view UPCLOSE??"



Who's this?

He seems to have an issue with balloons eh?

He's none other than SIVAJI... wakakakakakkaakakakkakaak I don't want to imagine what will happen to me if he ever finds out..

Yup... there were a few fun songs the band played without any plays to accompany with so we literally went WILD dancing.. Check out Lie Wendy, he's a boy by the way, Chinese Indonesian doing his R&B moves

Going nuts with Chen Pei (right) my leading actor for my sketch.. his from China.




Getting bored? Don't... it's not the end just yet... yes, I caught our dear PRESIDENT OF CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP SMK METHODIST ACS 08/09 .................................


Shaking some booty!!

___________________________________________________________________



Anyways, it's time for me to show you folks some pictures...that aren't candid for once.. hehe

From left : Atasha, Su Yin, me!

Yes, take it or leave it, I am the rose among the thorns.. hahahaha.. perasanted..

From left : Hans, Maine, Jiegie

And of course, I am pleased to have two partners.. :P

Cut me some slack lar kay... he's quite a nice guy..and I am single... kidding!!!

The emcee for the whole event... she claims that my dress is a piece from her natives... wait wait.. she added that ," It fits you like a second skin, you look gorgeous" Hahahahaha, I'm flattered :D

Chen Pei and I... too bad I couldn't snap a picture with him in his tux... he's a leading actor in the Pirates of the Carribean sketch too.. he's the director for it as well..darn talented freak

From left; Jie Guan, Maine, Miss Tamara my law lecturer in semester one for contract law

Jie guan, me and mom... in which in this picture... Jie Guan claims that he was doing the "Darren's pose"

US and my sister, Michelle.. hehehe I know I know.. I look nice right? hahahaha, okay, I think somebody should just give me a slap for being such a camwhore.

Us and my roomie Karen.

That's all for now people, I'm tired... ciaos. Oh and jie guan, thanks for being my so called date for the night, and stop asking me where's my hips... my waist not hips. wakakakakakakkakaakkaak.... but thanks a lot wei!

Yesterday was a day that I lost myself literally. I had no control of who I was yesterday and I had no idea what was wrong with me. After CF Jieg and I managed to spend sometime with Shaun at Wendy Kopitiam in Parkson. And yes, I thank God for making him come eventhough there was a moment Shaun could not make it for CF. Though I told him it was alright but when Grace and I finally sat down to relax and work on the accounts, the power circuit cut off. I messaged Jieg, he came in within seconds and said that I should not have switched on all four air-cons. That was it, I was hating myself so much for not remembering that point after being in CF for so long. I just sank down on the floor and was dumbfounded, I don't think anyone would come, I ruined it all.

Somehow, everything fell into place one after another. It wasn't perfect but it was the best that we could do. Though it may have not been my fault in the end, I just wished I could find a solution for it at that moment.

The yam cha with Shaun and Jieg was a better bond among us. Shaun was suggesting that he'd reach out to G, but the Jieg and I said no, it would be of no use and it's rather draining. Well I guess there's no point helping G now, but to only have faith in God and to continue uplifting this boy in prayer. That eyes that stared straight at me when I passed the corridor, I was taken aback for one split second, but then I smiled back at those eyes, because I have the comfort in me now and am no longer in that black hole, I hope he'd find his way out someday too. I really miss those times when he was all geared up for God and would talk endlessly about Him alone.

Evening came and that was when the weak me came into light. I dropped J at Jusco and I went on ahead looking for parking. As I looked I got irritated and annoyed and I eventually gave up. I parked out of Jusco and walked back. Since I was so darn late for the meet up I decided to sit at MPH. Who knew that I would pick up a book entitled, "When would there be good news?" My phone rang and then SY had difficulty with my performance for the drama and everything was going wrong. After her call my piano teacher called to change my lesson time. After that my sis called. Everything was nothing but WRONG.

Everything I encountered during that one hour clearly require me to do one thing. Quit from the camp and helping out. Since it took up so much time and I fail to balance things around me. I really didn't want to but then as I sat there.... I guess I had to so I called S and told him whilst apologized, but he said no, he said that that is how it's gonna be, we'll just have to pull through it. I said I can't. I can't anymore.... he didn't push me after that but he said that I ought to think about it.

When J was done with the meet up I told him bluntly I'm quitting. But when that disappointed look came unto his face it was so painful to carry on, I put up a rude front and said that I'm sick and tired of everything and I had everything. Gawd that was horrid, I hurt him even more. Then S started calling the both of us and was trying to make things right but we wouldn't stop yelling at each other. Poor J, he didn't even know what was wrong with me lashing out like that.

I stopped the car at the corner for a little while and the truth just seem to flow out... and I was very sorry and we finally understood each other's feelings at that moment. I just don't want to disappoint him anymore, I told him that I can't always tell you everything will be alright, because I wouldn't know. I just want to stop and not hurt him. But he said otherwise, he said that for better or worse, he will never be disappointed.

I'm amazed to see how matured he was.......... he told me that even if I had to leave now, I have already left a deep enough imprint for him. It was their last service for the year, but he said what we had was just the beginning.

I am scared, so very afraid that I would see that look on his face again, the look he had when G left CF........... that look of disappointment, that look of failure. The last person I wouldn't want to give him that state of emotion again, would be ME.

Today was blurry.......! First, let me tell you my schedule.

8.00am - Economics class
10.00am - Study for test
12.oopm- Law test
1.40pm - Leave college to ACS
2.25pm - CF practice
5.15 pm- Meet up with sis for her hair styling bla..
6.00pm - Send mom's catering
7.00 pm- Jusco with Grace Kong
10.00 pm- Collect myvi and fill petrol at Public Bank in town
11.00pm- Call Jiegie
12.00am- Do assignment and business homework

I went to JJ with Grace, we tried on some shoes and I tried on stilettos that were 2/3 inches high and I hit someone in the face whilst trying to balance. HAHAHAAHAHHA

OK. I'm sorry. But....... hahahahahahahaahahahhaah............

Now, I really don't know if J would be a good dance partner to be with cos we end up laughing all the time. Shucks...... Grace went to shop for a gown with me just now in which I have no intention to buy, merely did a fashion show for the people there... sigh

I'm cutting the CF posters now, I think I twisted my hand today but I can't recall what... probably twisted it when I freaked at a big drain in college. I feel bad now.... Mr. I is nice to me nowadays, well these few days at least. Like for the drain incident, at least he didn't leave me there but extended a hand... I wonder what's up with him.

Anyways!! It's pot bless tomorrow!!!! I'll probably pick up some roast chicken at Giant Nilai before leaving. :)

I've always been told what to do,
I lived for someone and was treated dead,
Now I just want to be cherished,
And now that I've found you,
I really want to tell you,
This feeling I have for you inside me,
Why don't you be mine?

I miss the sound of your voice,
Even if you stopped speaking just to catch a breath,
I love to watch your chest rise and fall when you lean back,
I'm telling you no lie,
Your presence make me go around the world in a twirl,
Will we get higher, go further,
Do you feel the same way as how I do?

Show me love,
I am afraid to love again,
Yet, you made it look so beautiful again,
Slowly allowing my past to fade,
Is this really you,
Am I just wishing so much I begin to hallucinate,
The longing to have your skin brushed against mine again.

The warmth of your breath,
When you whisper in my ear,
Calming the soul in me whenever I clamour,
Slowly you seep into me,
And it is your touch that I will respond to,
But you didn't fail to release my doubts as well,
I will never know when you'll not catch me when I fall anymore.

I'm rather fragile,
Is there possibility?
Whenever I'm alone,
I'll always wonder when the day will come,
Where you'd tell me you need me too,
It's not just a crush,
I know there is no rush,
We've got all the time in the world.

But I really hope you know,
That I've never met one like you,
You make me so unbreakable in your arms,
Yet I feel so weak without you,
All I want to do is to be yours,
Until the sun comes down,
Till you wouldn't want to let me go too.

Don't keep me wondering,
Don't wander away,
Be the one,
Sent from heaven,
Like it or not,
I am tormented by you,
The bittersweet turmoil you bring me each time.

And yes, the watak utama would be the leng chai below...*pukes*

Don't you think this dude on my left looks like him?

So..... interested in knowing what does he do as a hobby?

Well, he has alot to choose from really. Scroll down and enjoy!

Well for starters, he enjoys airing himself in closely seated areas.. he finds his "fragrance" overwhelming... well I couldn't agree more with the term "overwhelming"

I knew I should've kept my mouth shut but I had to say it... and now it's worsen.. take a look, both hands now.. excuse me but I gotta......*faints*

What else does he do when he's bored? Amazing things.

He decides to vandalise the classroom, as you can see the projector screen thingy is his mission for the moment.

Yup, no doubt, as my coursemate takes it from him and inspects the damage that he has caused. Not forgetting my lecturer sobbing at the corner not knowing what to do.

BUT WAIT...

He's not done yet..

He facinates himself by rubbing people's hair...well, I thought he'd be content with the amount he has on his own, it's more than enough really, but.... sigh...

Well, what can I do to help? He enjoys giving people around him the stench... and causing more to suffocate and faint, so far no one died of it yet.

But I think he released the "beast" in her cos she doesn't look very happy. Amazing how his B.O can change a person

He decides to get physical with her and attempts to twist her arm. Now you believe me that he's capable of anything? :S

Well, he sure looks very ham sap from this angle... and he is anyways.

What happened to the girl? Well, some say she escaped into the woods... some say she kicked him in the in betweens, some say he had an itch so she ran away in time...

You think that's the end of his history making?

THINK AGAIN.

His new victim, as once told in the story of the Little Red Riding Hood, looking so innocent is she, he on the other hand, was a total contradiction.

At least she knows self defence, but I'm starting to suspect his true intentions now... I don't think his going to destroy her like how he did to the others... this might be a little different in the end. Who knows? Let us continue to find out

What's this?? He quiets her by extending his arms??!! Girl, are you really gonna be his woman!! @.@ I think we all are confused with this news and are uncertain too... but what if it is true

I think i just proved my point, sigh, OI!! Have you forgotten we've got an underage student in class??!! Berkelakuan senonoh pulak..

Well, he surely did no waste much time at all and found himself a priest to held the wedding on the spot. Again, he started his "yam" attitude again and wants to kiss his bride with the most disgusting drool I've ever seen.

What happened to her? Here's the hot gossip, before the ceremony begun, she broke down in tears as she continues to imagine the future they'll be having in the future..

I guess we should say,all's well that ends well...