Saturday, February 28, 2009


I used to be very close to a friend of mine, E. It was funny at first because we used to quarrel back in school and hated each other in everyway we could? Yeah... and we weren't really people we'd like to remember. Months back when I returned to school, met him for abit. Since then we kept in touch. Became good friends not long after that, a type of friend who shared the same notorious lifestyle I am currently suffering.

I was heartbroken still, I'm not sure if I should be using past tense but anyways, he was too. He was someone who would listen to my stories back then. Recently, I have no idea what's up with the both of us. We would quarrel over petty things and keeping in touch or even bugging each other seem to be a pain in the neck. I tried, bugging him back on MSN... but, it's just not the same anymore.

You know, chemistry isn't just for lovers sometimes. There are times as such, when the chemistry in your friendship is fading, that's when the distant becomes obvious. I guess that's why people say friendships are like plants, you need to care it well and not let it wilt.

I don't know, even when we talk these days, there's nothing to talk about. Sigh...

Monday, February 23, 2009


So many people dying,
So many people getting hurt,
Their eyes are full of hate,
Their hobbies are to kill,
Life is like a rolling stone to them,
And death is something they enjoy watching.

Loving the sound of crashes,
Adoring the sounds of death,
Inviting more angels of death,
Allowing more people to die,
It is the latest entertainment in town,
I can smell death everywhere.

They tried to get me too,
I survived unharmed,
But no matter how fast you run,
All they have to do is just walk behind you,
Their cynical laugh ascends..
And soon you'll have nowhere to run,
They'll lick your pool of blood splattered,
That is what they call a healthy snack.

The world is cruel,
It is not just brutal,
It is way beyond any inhumane attributes,
We're all victims,
But we are also the culprits,
How fast can we run,
How long can we hide,
Till the Messiah saves us again?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Law Assignment

Hayek was driving at the back of Salma and suddenly he decided to overtake Salma's car as he was anxious to see how sexy Salma was. As he passed by Salma's car and looked out of the window, Salma speeded and was ahead of Hayek. Unexpectedly, Salma braked to avoid a lorry containin petrol in fronf of her and Hayek who was driving at a great speed hit into Salma's car causing Salma to hit the lorry in front of her and blast.

Salma is burnt to death in the car caused by the negligence of Hayek. Jackie and Chan witnessed the acident and Jackie unsuccessfully tried to rescue Salma.

Salma's husband, Pitt was told of the accident and saw Salma's mutilated body at the hospital and Salma's mother, Pamela, saw the accident live on television during an outside broadcast. Salma's father, Anderson was told of the accident but could not bring himself to see Salma's body.

Tom and Jerry also witnessed the accident; in which Tom knew that Salma had in the car the only handwritten copy of his script for his new movie which took him 3 years to complete and Jerry realized that Salma was wearing an evening dress which she had rented from his boutique.

Advise all the parties (other than Salma), who have suffered nervous shock. Also advise Hayek if he was negligent or not.


i love this assignment question =)


The reason why I said I need to stop all that is going on in my life is because I can feel that my body cannot take it anymore. I'm getting very restless and tired. I hadn't been practicing my piano pieces for nearing two weeks now. I have an assignment due this coming Tuesday and I've not started on a single thing. I have a class test this week too. Not studied a single crap.

What's wrong with me? I don't know. All I know is, I want someone to make me cry, let me scream. I'm getting out of control, I have pretended so much I don't know what I want out of myself. I have so many things to do yet I just sit down and let the time pass by and live with guilt and regret.

I told myself, Charmaine, let go, it's over, let all your past go, but it's just so hard. I can't help blaming those who have caused me to lose everything I strived so hard to build for myself. They enter your life and then they leave you taking everything you built. It's over but I want everything back. I know I sound like a lunatic. I'm trying so hard not to think like this, I really am. But this is just how I'm feeling inside.

Yes, I'm known by many that I never walk alone. I'm always with somebody. But does that really matter to me? When so many people walk by me, they don't really understand how I feel. I don't quite understand what I'm trying to express but I only know that I am still not happy. I'm still not as happy as how I used to be. What's wrong with me?

I hadn't been going to church in like so long. I tried so hard to get up and go, but my body and soul is just so depressing to actually go anywhere. My weekends are just lazing at home and don't think of anything and don't want to know what's there in my life. My head hurts all the time even though I am not thinking of anything because I am seeing everything in my mind flashing repeatedly, reliving guilt and regrets and wants and needs.

I believe I will go insane very soon. But there's no solution out of it as how I see it now.

Friday, February 20, 2009


I love you very much. You are a wonderful friend, please don't ever forget that. But you will always disappoint me the most. I don't care who else you disappoint, I don't care what others say about you, but this is between me and you. It's me we're talking about. You blamed me despite everything. Your father didn't understand, I get it, But you? You gotta be kidding me.

After five to six months of being with you, with intentions to give you comfort, support and a person to share problems with, you treated me as such when it comes to cf. We laugh, we joke, we play, we sing, we go nuts, remember the times at my house? Remember the times we had fun? But what are those to you whenever work comes stumbling and then you blame me for what has happened? I was always here for you, waiting on you..

Don't give me excuses about calling me. I see you every Tuesday, nowadays Wednesdays, and you tell me you can't speak to me about anything at all? Gosh, I spent a night at your home. You were next to me the whole time. When I was sulking over the superglue stuck on my hands, you could've said something about whatever that has been going on.

Why are you letting everything I built for you go? Was I nothing but an invisible person to you? Please, save me from this misery. I'm confused whether I helped you or did I murder you faster?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Blessed and Loved

"I'm dreaming of a zinger burger,
Just like the ones my ex-boyfriend used to buy me,
Oh how I long to get to eat,
Oh my stomach is so naughty" (white christmas soundtrack)

That was what I text D and J, then, I rushed from class, to appointments and to the highway, darn! I wish my car was higher CC... then I can speed faster. I felt so stagnant at 130 km/H

I bombarded school, I nearly run Peggy down but nah don't worry, I didn't. I parked my car in a very rushing way... headed to the pavillion and talk talk talk.... then J said, turn behind you and there it was!

ZINGER BURGER SET! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Thanks to D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a blast at choir today. I felt weird as usual working with people who affected my life once. But as the week goes by, I got used to it, I'm not sure if I'm used to pretending or I'm really getting used to this new skin but either ways, I'm okay... I think. =.=

I was just driving J and D home and I mentioned that I lost my 8gb pendrive, then suddenly,


J gave me a pendrive...woah *teary eyed* What a day, loved by two buntuts that I can never live without!

J has always caused me upsets, yet he treats me well... gosh, how can I differentiate my disappointments and happiness with you??

D, I'm stuffed till now.

I love you guys!! Don't mind me being greedy, but I'm going to need more support the more I show up at school.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Nerdy Maine

My new specs are so darn nerdy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so crappy. Hahahahahaha I have no idea. This optician I went to only had full frames. The half frames were like so kiddy. Lol!! I have noi dea why I settled down on this but yeah... my mom was like "Heyya missy, missy, Miss Lee *whistles*"

=.= " hahahahaahahahah

okay world, like what Avin said, he can finally calll me Nerdy Maine. Gosh, lucky you, Av. I'm going to get your furry tail for this new nick name!

I look so nerdy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I'm even more percentages lower from wanting to be a leng lui... *sobs*

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Valentine's promise

This weekend, I spent my valentine's with E and A. Never would I have expected to know the other side of the story of what me and A would've have become if I were to know it sooner before we split up even as friends. It would've been a massive change if we were together, that'll mean G would not be in my picture at all. Its so melancholic that I don't know which one I'd wish for. A is really different now that we've met. But the damage is done, I wish this girlfriend of mine whom I grew up with would one day stop making up stories and causing people heartaches because she sure torn the both of us apart.

What's over is over, I only look forward to my future. Valentine's is just valentine's. What I seek is eternity and commitment. But I must say, it was a wonderful weekend. We all patched up pretty well, though I couldn't really get to talk to K... I still can't get in touch with him till now. Sigh..

I remembered the heart shaped wax when we were lying on the field last night, and the heart shaped lollipop. The human nature, rather ridiculous at times, you really adore one person yet your ego tells you to do another. And now, there's nothing worth to be regretting about. Because its over.

A friendship is what I seek between us for now, and it should be the best. You're never serious, and I can never know when you really mean what you said. Even with that promise we made, I somehow know you'd just break it soon...

But I breathe in the night's air. I take in the breathtaking view of the stars, and I cherish our moment to catch up. As for the promise, I quote my friend D, time will tell.

And yes, time will tell if you're true to your heart.

Friday, February 13, 2009


Never would I have thought that he would actually think I liked him. It was a mixture of humour and disgust when he proposed that question. I was getting very uncomfortable as to just being a friend and nothing more, yet, he said certain things I did made him thought so. It's funny how people repay your generosity with a negative shock. Come on , buying him a cake is something normal to me and what I usually do to my friens. And yes, bear in mind I'm a type of girl who would go great lengths to surprise my friends. However, I'm upset too because the situation is now very awkward. I was grateful the times he consoled me of my grandfather's death but I never looked pass our status as good friends and never would. I wonder if he's just born vain or should I be lucky for being accused?

Because neither of it,would be a dice I'd want to roll in this game.

I never expected K to be telling him how I felt, but I know she only meant well for I was annoyed. I'm just sick and tired of my pile of work and the last thing I'd want is a confusion between my perspective of him as a friend and a crush. I've only loved one person in my life so far and I know where it led me to. I'm sorry, but don't flatter yourself, my heart's still closed =)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


It's a lil melodramatic tonight. Yeah, tonight was the Holka Polka sketch in my college. And yesterday was I's birthday.. He was upset that his birthday went on horribly and things weren't working out especially when we were all arguing last minute during our final rehearsal. Things didn't go well for my work as well, I headed to Giant then and spotted a cake that was written " Special Chocolate" and immediately thought of him who loved chocolate.

I headed straight to college and contacted M and plotted the rest of the scenario. Yep, I tricked I saying that I needed help carrying some costumes and lured him to the N block. I succeeded in covering up my tracks in not letting him know that I was the culprit behind it all.

During make up before the grand opening of the drama, little did I know that he needed kisses on his face to show that princesses have tried breaking the spells with their kisses. Humpty Dumpty was instructed to do it and of course there was a havoc and roars of laughter that made the attempts fail endlessly. In the end, I had to do it. Yep, someone mentioned my name and I was the guinea pig. I did it of course, I'm the kind of person who would just want to get the ball rolling no matter what it takes.

But I'm upset, towards the end I busted myself. I accidentally announced that I went to Giant. He found out I was the one who bought the cake. But does it matter even if he finds out? He thanked me in an SMS about me saving him from Humpty's lips. But does it matter anymore when he went down to the hall and announced to people that it was a horrifying moment? I mean, come on, I know I'm not those hot girls that you adore, well that's not whom I would want to be even in my next life. It was done for the sake of art, and I bought you the cake with surprises to make you happy.

I'm sorry you had to put up with me then. I just wish you would know that I was really okay after whatever I had to do for the sake of this drama tonight, but it wasn't okay anymore. You wouldn't know would you? Yeah, horrifying moment... put the blame on me alright? I hope you enjoyed the rest of the show,because all I ever wanted was a dose of respect and not a thank you that you type and express another in public.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


I've been so stressed out lately, even if I were to sit down and do nothing for a bit, my mind just keeps wondering on the load of stuff I need to complete. I feel so dumb putting myself in this situation sometimes. I tried to look on the bright side of it a few times, but I soon worn out of those positive thinking. I mean, let's face it. This is pure shit...

Tonnes of academic achievements to obtain. Within such a short time span is near to impossible. I get up before the sun comes up everyday and sleeps when its nearing the break of dawn. I survive through the day with a cup of Milo at dawn till night at seven to have a meal and that's it. It's not as though I do it on purpose or anything bu it's just my life ... it's been like that lately ever since the year started. It's getting harder everyday...

More demands... more needs more deadlines... Lesser sleep, lesser food, lesser time to breathe... I wonder when will I see the end of all these or if not, the end of me?

I'm so upset with it at the end of the days.... and I got no one to talk to about it because everybody's probably going through their own schedule and suffering the same... perhaps mine's just a tad heavier... I don't know...

Hurts to feel so alone, Hurts to feel so burdened, Hurts to feel so tired, Hurts to puke after eating, Hurts to sleep without worrying........