Monday, May 10, 2010

10 reasons why she's MY mom

1. She pedicures my feet.

Despite how grown up I am now, mom does my feet every fortnightly. I always complained that I should be doing them on my own now. But she just shakes her head and explains how important it is to have perfectly trimmer nails to avoid in grown and comfort while walking. Often, she does it for me at wee hours in the morning just so I'd be asleep and not feel the pain from my swelling toes.

2. She's ever so patient with me.

I am short tempered. Most of the times I'd lose myself and say a whole junk of things which I don't mean and throw things around the room, stomp my feet and slam doors. She never whines or fights back to shut me up. But rather, she picks up every single item I threw and remedies every thing I was whining over about. For as long as her finances and life permits, she'd give it to me.

3. She believes in Him.

After ten years of seeking medical help for a cure for my eye, she never gave up praying for me despite the end of hope. She believes that there is a reason why I'm born this way and that I am special.

After 4 years of taking vocal lessons, and the many wrong turns in my education path, she still believes that I am a talented,soaring singer that would excel one day whether or not it is my major or minor as a career.

4. She strives for me.

Mom never had to work for the past 12 years of my life. But when things got bad at home, she never hesitated nor complained to pick up a broom and a mop and started a job from there as a housekeeper. For a wife of a manager, I salute her with all honor and respect that my education fees were all paid by her hard work and humility. She never allowed me to work, she would give me every cent she earned and have nothing left for herself, so that I would get to be somebody in the future,

5. She never judged me.

Despite the many wrongs I have made. She never judged me. Instead, she took the fall on my behalf not allowing others involved to judge me, but her.
The wrong friends I meddled with and the wrong things I did, she accepts me as openly as the parable of the Prodigal Son and shower me with love and gifts in whatever way she is able to.

6. She is my father.

Long before dad left, when whirls of tornadoes swept our home with sorrow, mom was always there for me, being a father despite her already heavy laden role as a mother. Report cards and PTA meetings, she never failed to attend to. She get up way before dawn to pack my school bag and get my breakfast ready so I'd sleep an extra half an hour every day. She takes me to the doctor and my many episodes of physiotherapy and eye check ups, paid for many many expensive bills for any thing a father usually are accountable for. She often sobbed at her work place whenever pain hit her bad in joints and her broken heart, but she never brought them home to me.

When dad left, he told us himself that I am better off with mom. As he never knew me despite being my biological father. And that he would never be able to attend to my needs and he wouldn't want such burden. It was she who took me home when I didn't know where to go.

7. She's my BFF.

As I aged, I knew mom felt the distance between a teenager and an aging mom. She strived to pick up and understand whatever my interests and current likings and opened herself up to the youth world in hope that she would have a place in mine. Despite her fatigue, she would go shopping for hours with me like what girly girls would do and experiment make ups with me on my prom night.

She texts me. We talk like friends. The language were always informal as we call each other names like "woman" and "babe" Conversations with her never had a barrier because she is my BFF. I never had to look far for a friend as she is always there for me.

8. She pampers me.

Despite what other people say, she would deny that she pampers me too much. Deep in my heart I always knew that mom had always pampered me. She bought me an upright grand piano just because I scored a distinction in Vocal Grade 5. Even on Mother's Day she would buy me gifts and attend to my tummy aches and other discomfort. There is never a rest day for her, it was always a Queen's day for me.

9. She feeds me.

Mom is ever worried over my weight. As my family has past histories of health problems from weight gain. Despite the trouble of putting me through diet, she feeds me the best food, the best piece of lean meat, the best bread, organic vegetables. Also, she tries to let me have what I loved to eat that were no good for my diet, she would figure ways to get me there and stay healthy for as long as I am healthy and happy.

10. She loves me.

She could've chosen to let me go when our families parted. She could've chosen to send me a way when there was opportunity. She could have given up on me and leave me to suffer whatever I was going through. She never done any of such. Despite all the dirt I carry and all the troubles I caused, she loves me unconditionally.

It is not only for Mother's Day I do this. These are just the ten things I never had the guts to tell Mom how much I appreciate her being around and her love for me. These things never hit me during my daily life, but it hit me hard when she teared at the sight of a table full of dim sum when I took her out for Mother's Day breakfast.

I love you Mom.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Young Molly.

I have a trust issue. I've been trying for so long, but nothing seems to work. I dislike where I'm at on Sacred days. I don't know if it is because I have failed to understand how other tribes are like compared to the tribe that I've always grown up with.

I love you. But I love myself too much to lose in anyway I can possibly lose. I loved the heart racing games we played when we danced around for days and weeks yearning for each others touch and commitment. It's almost a year now, and the commitment is starting to mature, but I'm not ready to grow older with it. I am an obsessive lover, an attention seeker. I am ME. I have been thrown around and abandoned too much by those who once were in my life. I am stronger on my own, I am weaker when I'm clinging on one's back.

I'm confused. It tears me to let you go. But when I had those few days of letting you go, it was a few days of haven. Does this mean, I should hurt for a winter, and be happy for the rest of the seasons to come?

You are ego, I am ego. Ego are us that brings us no where. Neither one of us are submissive, neither one of us are willing to try. I once told someone that my heart will never change for you. But I realized that he knew me better than myself. My love never changed for you, but my love for myself grew deeper each day. I despise your friends, the people you serve. You are a stranger to mine and to the ones I love.

The world doesn't belong to us both, love. I see myself drawing nearer to the day where I would be taking in the aroma of freshly brewed coffee in the early morning, and starting the day with a confident smile, dancing down the road, with only my shadow as my companion. I know this longing will take me no further as I age and that I must stop somewhere. I very much want you to be in it, to fit in my life. But unlike you, I still don't know who would be the one for me till death do us part...

Would there be a change of desire? Or will I continue to be the lass with the delicate air?

Coloring flowers

When reality hits me hard, and I need a good laugh, there's always someone who makes me go rolling and FOREVER on Google Talk. And I mean, FOREVER. Period.

We are two random buddies who can talk shit and go emo within 40 seconds. :P

This particular conversation begun like this:

Charmaine: Sigh, I see lovers around me, so lovey! Tagging each other in statuses.
Weisern: LOL same case lar, my best friend no longer like my post or status anymore.
I feel kinda weird actually, emo moments....
I miss those days..

Charmaine: Hmm ok. I actually meant that I don't get to be so lovey despite having a boyfriend,
but OKAY...

Weisern: Yea lar, sometimes those little things are what that matters most.

Charmaine: Aww Weisern, if only you were the man of my dreams...

And we both went :


Yes, this is a random post.
Other readers may not understand this, but hey, you know who you are when you're reading this and that's all that matters!

Weisern, this post is dedicated to you, may you not feel left out though you're in India, and in some ways, thank you for being such a nice online buddy!