Sunday, May 9, 2010

Young Molly.

I have a trust issue. I've been trying for so long, but nothing seems to work. I dislike where I'm at on Sacred days. I don't know if it is because I have failed to understand how other tribes are like compared to the tribe that I've always grown up with.

I love you. But I love myself too much to lose in anyway I can possibly lose. I loved the heart racing games we played when we danced around for days and weeks yearning for each others touch and commitment. It's almost a year now, and the commitment is starting to mature, but I'm not ready to grow older with it. I am an obsessive lover, an attention seeker. I am ME. I have been thrown around and abandoned too much by those who once were in my life. I am stronger on my own, I am weaker when I'm clinging on one's back.

I'm confused. It tears me to let you go. But when I had those few days of letting you go, it was a few days of haven. Does this mean, I should hurt for a winter, and be happy for the rest of the seasons to come?

You are ego, I am ego. Ego are us that brings us no where. Neither one of us are submissive, neither one of us are willing to try. I once told someone that my heart will never change for you. But I realized that he knew me better than myself. My love never changed for you, but my love for myself grew deeper each day. I despise your friends, the people you serve. You are a stranger to mine and to the ones I love.

The world doesn't belong to us both, love. I see myself drawing nearer to the day where I would be taking in the aroma of freshly brewed coffee in the early morning, and starting the day with a confident smile, dancing down the road, with only my shadow as my companion. I know this longing will take me no further as I age and that I must stop somewhere. I very much want you to be in it, to fit in my life. But unlike you, I still don't know who would be the one for me till death do us part...

Would there be a change of desire? Or will I continue to be the lass with the delicate air?

1 lovebites:

V$eRn said...

hahahaha gosh i can always relate to your posts =P sigh very very true tho :(

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