Joanna knew she had chosen to be with someone quieter. Leaving behind her wild days,all she wanted as she make her way into adulthood was to be with someone stable and mature and most importantly less drama.
She never thought much when she she met Jake through one of her childhood friends. In fact, the hangouts with Jake only happened because her buddy Sarah insisted. Joanna had just gotten out of a relationship at that time. But somehow, Jake just made Joanna happy with little effort.
Seven years passed and still going strong. It was never an easy relationship. Six months into the relationship, Joanna knew that Jake was different. Jake wasn't just a man of few words.
Shutting behind her,broken pasts and disappointments, Joanna had always been bubbly and outgoing. But Jake, Jake was different. Joanna soon sat through quiet dates where they would share a meal and go no further than how was your food.
Many times Joanna nudged and hinted Jake to be a little more romantic with her. But he never understood and Joanna often find herself in tears because she felt that she had worked so hard for each other. A resourceful person as always, Joanna tried to find ways to keep the relationship young and fun not willing to allow it to fall into too much of a comfort zone.
Jake had never really introduced Joanna to his friends. Jake had always been difficult at parties and gatherings. He would always be the odd one out either playing with his phone or super focused on his food. Joanna's family did not understand why Jake would not even try to create conversations. His quietness soon strained the relationship.
You see, Jake is an introvert. Now Joanna hated labels but Jake knew he had to make Joanna see who he really is and finally told her how he feels as an introvert.
Autumn came and Joanna went on a company trip to Australia. A breath of fresh air would help clear her mind, she thought. Few days later she texted Jake to see how he was doing.
When she got home,she realized that Jake had cleaned her apartment and pressed all her work clothes. Wrapping her cold hands around a warm mug of tea she began to reflect...
Jake would always clean after her knowing her busy schedule. He would scoop her out of bed on days she wished life wasn't so hard. He'd bake with her even though she'd never once fail to become a snappy lioness in the kitchen. He'd give up his weekend to chauffeur her around and with a little bit of pleading....massage her sore feet.
Jake's the kinda guy who'd choose his battles. He's the kinda guy who would defend what matters most to him. He's the kinda no of guy who'd let Joanna have her way but voice out to put her back on track when he needs to.
He's the kind of guy who speaks so little to the world but never fail to whisper loving words in Joanna's ear every chance he get. He's the odd guy out at a party but he's the crazy guy with funky dance moves when he's in the car with her.
One morning Joanna said, "I'd wish you'd talk more so I won't be the only one blabbering all day " Jake said, "There are some days I get out of bed and I just feel so tired because I spoke too much last night"
Joanna wondered if she could spend the rest of her life with someone like Jake. Her closest friends sometimes tell her to look for someone better, someone more responsive.
Staring out at her window tonight, Joanna knew that this was the partnership she longed for. Jake didn't love her any less just because he was not a romantic. Jake was no less as committed as she was. He just showed love in ways he knew how. Most importantly, he loved her in so many ways that flowers nor love letters could compare.
Love. We accept each other. We compromise and we embrace.the good, the bad, the ugly, the odd and the difficult. Sometimes it's not just about him sweeping off your feet like you'd see on TV. Nobody said this partnership was easy.
Similar to him lifting her out of bed on bad days and sitting by her through fever episodes never leaving her side, Joanna woke up one Saturday morning and went up to Jake with her ha nds around his neck and said, "So would you like a chatty morning or a quiet one today, love?"
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
We're 6 months into 2015. My last post was in 2013.
I'm not sure what happened but as soon as 2013 closed its chapter, my life took on a bullet train ride and it hasn't stopped since. And now, I'm turning 25 in two weeks.
I guess as I got older I realised that most of my blogposts were crappy writing, mostly just to kill time and whine about how unfair life is. But then again these are the memories that I'd like to look back on in the days to come.
Just 3 days ago, Z and I celebrated our 6th year together. How we got here, I'm baffled myself.
Short of 24 hours after our 6th year, we got into a really big argument. There were screaming, door slamming and then there was. 'We're done, it's over.'
It was then as if my soul left my body and I could see the two of us from afar and as I watched him walk away I knew that this was something we've fought for this far and we are letting something so precious slide off our hands.
And it was then I said, stop it. He turned and said that he's changed so much for me and I felt the same way too. We have gone through so much and for a second, I don't even remember how the fight mattered or how it all began.
We argued because we were late for church.
It slipped his tongue when I offered my keyboard for the Sunday service. He said we were running late and I snapped. I caused us to be late to church that morning. For months I've struggled keeping up with church and serving. Our church was far, it's about an hour and a half drive every weekend and my job has left me exhausted. And that Sunday among many other Sundays, I just couldn't peel myself off my bed.
I guess at the end of the day, I snapped because I was disappointed with myself. I felt broken and disconnected from God and Z's wrong choice of words at the wrong time was just the pin lifted off from a grenade.
It was definitely not right to yell at each other. I guess that's when one of us decided to call it quits.
And it was as if we completed each other. When one of us raise our voice, the other keeps calm. I don't know how us two hard headed, hot tempered idiots have learnt to grow to love each other so deeply over the years.
Here I am on my bed, thinking. He has blessed me with a man that is a total opposite of who I am. A man who does not even complement me in any way. But we have learnt to love, care and enjoy each other's company and interest.
He has also blessed me with a strong shoulder to rely on.
And a person whom I could run to and ask for as many prayers as I need to reassure myself at times when I feel disconnected.
He's a person who would wake me up every Sunday morning without fail and leave silently but patiently when I choose to nurse my battered body over going to church.
A person who would keep both my feet stable and remind me to cast my burdens unto Him and let tomorrow worry for itself.
A man who thanks the Lord for having me in his life and I for him in mine.
I love you.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
It's finally 2013. Despite the usual, "This is my 2013's resolution" that I think many are busy listing down within the first quarter of the year, I now look back on the year 2009 when I first stepped into Grace Family Sanctuary, Banting.
I've grown up in White Fields Assembly, an independent branch from the FGA group and all my life I have never thought of moving on to another church. With unforeseen circumstances in life, I have moved on and finally met someone that I love and cherish who has also invited me to GFS in the earlier days of our relationship together.
I remember first stepping into the church feeling uncomfortable being a stranger, a new comer. Seriously detested the "welcome card" and to my horror, our dear Pastor Vic, whom I now have grown to love and respect, welcomed me in his Sunday Service greeting. The next thing I knew, a swarm of people came up to me and shook my hands, greeted me as though I was some very important person who just happened to stumble upon this place.
After several church hunts, mistakes that I have made in school, Christian fellowship, and college, the last thing on my mind was to serve. I told the Lord I was never going to be ready any time soon. Lo and behold my sweetheart told Pastor that I could sing. Could I? I hesitated but agreed to do so anyway.
With many ups and downs in my earlier days in this church, I've learnt so much through hardships and laughters. Some mistakes I carry with me in my faint memories that will sometimes still send goosebumps to my cheeks recalling the embarrassment of my idiotic actions. I still react that way sometimes, sometimes I even blame myself for those who left church. I always felt what I was doing was not good enough and that I have progressed too slow.
I've shown my ugliest sides to these people in this community. They've been there for me. Advised me. Lectured me. Given me a chance to learn an opportunity to serve. Nourished me. Guided me. Influenced me into who I am today. Friends I never thought I deserved. Friends I call brothers and sisters who I care about so dearly now. Up till this day, I have no idea what made me stay. The initial reason would be that very man I adore. But when I ask myself, is that all there is? I know there is more to it. This is a church that I've come to grow on to love and cherish and to serve my services. A training ground for me.
Every Sunday, in fact, every day of my life I am still trying to detect my mistakes. My wrong choice of words. My worry that I will offend someone, worried that my serving is not good enough, not pleasing enough. But I've come to realize again and again that the Lord has always been there for me, picking up the pieces and taking whatever I have to offer, bringing me forward further and farther. I've never took a moment in life often enough to sit and look back and notice the handiworks the Lord has done for me in my life, all the little miracles. This is something that I'd like to change as I step forward each day. Giving thanks and counting my blessings. And in these past 3 years my urge to serve has grown and grown.
I've not blogged in ages. Really. I don't even know why I still blog. But sitting down tonight reminiscing on those earlier days in GFS, I just want to thank the Lord for bringing me this far. Thinking back, at first I felt it was all a joke traveling this far for a service. Traveling the distance and leaving my comfort zone. I still complain from time to time. I am human after all, I get tired just like everybody else. But nothing is impossible in Him. Even when my faith had been shaken many times, I really thank Him for nurturing me into this woman that I am today. I hope you guys experience what I am experiencing right now. Like a whoosh of blessing, God's comfort and warmth surrounding you. Oh how He loves us indeed!
Monday, July 16, 2012
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
|I'd never miss a chance of a good cuppa and a good book and some peace and quiet =)|
Now it’s all me, Z has made me see that going to church as a couple don’t mean much unless you’re married. God still sees us as an individual. I begin to serve, and I begin to get involve, I wanted to understand what was so interesting. After getting to know the people here, I truly fell in love. It no longer meant this is my boyfriend’s church. But this is MY church too.
Sometimes it ticks me off seeing him getting all punctual LOL! But it’s now coming to an end of my third year here, getting myself out of bed, serving with him having faith in him as well as having faith in the Him that is going to bless the land of Banting! Amen!
Friday, June 15, 2012
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