Found a new interest in photography lately. Well, I've always loved photography, I just never took it seriously. Digital SLRs cost me a bomb, and I have no idea how far this will take me. Some close friends question, what about my passion in music? Well, it still is in me, but I guess I'm just trying to even it out a little and try to see what the other side of the world looks like and not just be a die hard singer who knows how to do nothing but only sing. After watching GLEE and somewhat, I just start to doubt myself that I don't see myself ever becoming a singer anything like that level...

Studying Mass Communication requires us to take up the Photo Communication class. I'm all excited about it. Speaking of which, studying Mass Comm is something so much more enjoyable than whatever I've tried to do before. But hey, let's get real. I am not the Mass Comm industry type. Will this course change me? I don't know, I'm taking baby steps to see what He provides for me in the near future.

So yep, I'm looking forward to taking more artistic photos and not be a phoDOH as described on LAMEBOOK. Haha!

Ever since we got together, money had always been a factor for the both of us. We never really questioned each others expenses. Somehow we just worked hard and got whatever we both wanted. This year, I pretty much achieved everything that I wanted. But what that really made my day were these Converse.

My sturdy PUMA finally gave its way in the middle of Christmas shopping this year. A gift from mom and brother two years back. My one and only sport shoes that has served me well throughout the earlier chapters of my college days.This year, mom and my sister and brother in law, Josephine and Winston Tan contributed to my new sport shoes, this time HP. Hushiee Puppies baby! :D

I had always hated Converse. I never liked the idea of the plastic looking front. I find the style very stupid. However, ever since I met Z, he loves Converse so much that he'd still wear his old OVER worn out pair until today. I've decided to give Converse a shot, and of course, I rewarded him with a brand new pair for Christmas for being such a wonderful boyfriend in the past one year.

When I snapped a picture of them shoes, I laughed. People come up with couple tees, couple mobile phone accessories, couple pendants, couple cups, couple purses and wallets but couple shoes? Hahahaha, this is seriously something new to me.

May this gift be a kick-start to our 2nd year relationship in 2011 :)

I had a conversation with a friend the other night, just before Christmas. I'm so very happy to see her enjoy her freedom now in the US. I was telling her about the presents I'm contemplating to buy or bought for my family members and she suddenly exclaimed, "I hate Christmas!" I was startled at first, but I soon began to understand why...

"...because everyone focuses on the presents and not the real meaning", she said. I explained that Christmas is all about loving and we express our love and care through gifts just like how the wisemen did on Christmas day when baby Jesus was born.

However, on Christmas day when I received a text message that my brother did not manage to get me a gift. I sulked all day and whined about it. Today it hit me, do gifts really matter? Looking back, it doesn't really matter, because the smile and the laughter and the joy we shared on that night, that very day, looking at them thanking God because you've bought them just the right gift because they couldn't afford it or never dreamed of having, just wipes away all those selfish thoughts.

I suppose that is how Jesus wants us to remember Christmas? He came to this world to give us a gift, and this gift was His life... as for us who are now still living on Earth, I suppose loving each other and sharing the Gospel is what should be our priority.

Merry Christmas Karen, you've opened my eyes to yet another perspective in life. Happy Holidays!

I was very down, knowing there are so many issues yet to be resolved in the worship team in my church. It just hurts me to see the what was once whole, now being tested, and one by one, soldiers of God slowly yet painfully defeated by the Evil one.

I was struggling a lot, asking God what could I do to help the situation? What else can I do? I'm only a woman, a very normal person, who has limited capabilities in this ministry. Spoke to Pastor and he said, "when you've done your best, there's really nothing you can do but to just wait for God to do the rest but we don't ever stop loving them" And then it struck me, maybe God is doing something, perhaps in a different perspective that we may or may not agree with but, I believe everything happened for a reason.

We were just singing Chris Tomlin's Unfailing Love that somehow touched me this morning. That no matter how we try to change according to the situations or chapters in life that we go through, God never changes. So why should we change away from Him, and not continue with what we are doing to serve Him and know that no matter what all our friends do to us, no matter who left us, no matter what happens, He never changes. He is our unfailing love when all love fails. He is the Alpha and Omega the comforter, the one you run to at the end of the day.

Dear readers, (if I have any, despite my long MIA from blogging) if you are facing so many disappointing chapters in life, and you are just so tired of TRYING to take control of things, remember, that God never changes, call upon Him and embrace His warmth. No matter how difficult the journey may be, do not stop loving, do not stop hoping, but have faith in the Almighty.

Just another cooling night, love the night breeze in Seremban, makes me fall lazily deep in thoughts...

As I looked back on the people I've met along the way, from the days before I left high school until today, I've seen so many walks of life in just a matter of 3 years. What fascinates me is their love life. Some loyal, faithful lovers still weeping over their lost loved ones, some Casanova hopping from one relationship to another just like a summer vacation. Just gets me to question, what's love really to them?

And then it got me to wonder, we give each other endearments, when we are with our lovers, when things turned ugly and we move on, how do we walk out from that puddle of love and learn to love another person?

As a person of experience, I certainly could not have done that without a full year of picking myself up and the pieces of life that I have left behind. When we find a new love, won't our past haunt us? The what if questions are the ones that haunt me most.

What if we never argued, maybe we'd be married by now...
What if I never walked away and fought on...
What if I never spoke to this other guy, he would've stayed and gave us a second chance...
What if I didn't hung up on him...
What if she never cheated on me...
What if I never met someone at work...
What if I only knew my boundaries back then...

I suppose its essential to fight all you have for the love you have NOW, and don't regret the path you chose? All I know is, if we keep looking back, the What if questions will kill you...

So cherish what you have before all you have is the What if(s) to live with.

Whenever you walk ahead of me,
My heart skips a beat wishing you'd take my hand,
When you hold my hand loosely,
I'd hold onto your grip like there's no earth beneath me,
With the many tasks you have to manage,
I can only hope that you would look my way for a glance,
And when you do,
You bring me joy,
Like a high school girl who's just met her first crush,
Funny how you still bring me such thrills,
Despite the 4 seasons we've been together,
Every little thing you do,
Puts a smile on my face and a tear in my eye,
When I go to bed,
I pray to God that I will never have to lose you,
The thought of not having you in my days,
Would only result in everlasting darkness,
And of dull colors and musty ways,
You tell me this is just a phase that I'm going through,
But let me tell you that this is the love that you planted in me,
And I will love you always.

1. She pedicures my feet.

Despite how grown up I am now, mom does my feet every fortnightly. I always complained that I should be doing them on my own now. But she just shakes her head and explains how important it is to have perfectly trimmer nails to avoid in grown and comfort while walking. Often, she does it for me at wee hours in the morning just so I'd be asleep and not feel the pain from my swelling toes.

2. She's ever so patient with me.

I am short tempered. Most of the times I'd lose myself and say a whole junk of things which I don't mean and throw things around the room, stomp my feet and slam doors. She never whines or fights back to shut me up. But rather, she picks up every single item I threw and remedies every thing I was whining over about. For as long as her finances and life permits, she'd give it to me.

3. She believes in Him.

After ten years of seeking medical help for a cure for my eye, she never gave up praying for me despite the end of hope. She believes that there is a reason why I'm born this way and that I am special.

After 4 years of taking vocal lessons, and the many wrong turns in my education path, she still believes that I am a talented,soaring singer that would excel one day whether or not it is my major or minor as a career.

4. She strives for me.

Mom never had to work for the past 12 years of my life. But when things got bad at home, she never hesitated nor complained to pick up a broom and a mop and started a job from there as a housekeeper. For a wife of a manager, I salute her with all honor and respect that my education fees were all paid by her hard work and humility. She never allowed me to work, she would give me every cent she earned and have nothing left for herself, so that I would get to be somebody in the future,

5. She never judged me.

Despite the many wrongs I have made. She never judged me. Instead, she took the fall on my behalf not allowing others involved to judge me, but her.
The wrong friends I meddled with and the wrong things I did, she accepts me as openly as the parable of the Prodigal Son and shower me with love and gifts in whatever way she is able to.

6. She is my father.

Long before dad left, when whirls of tornadoes swept our home with sorrow, mom was always there for me, being a father despite her already heavy laden role as a mother. Report cards and PTA meetings, she never failed to attend to. She get up way before dawn to pack my school bag and get my breakfast ready so I'd sleep an extra half an hour every day. She takes me to the doctor and my many episodes of physiotherapy and eye check ups, paid for many many expensive bills for any thing a father usually are accountable for. She often sobbed at her work place whenever pain hit her bad in joints and her broken heart, but she never brought them home to me.

When dad left, he told us himself that I am better off with mom. As he never knew me despite being my biological father. And that he would never be able to attend to my needs and he wouldn't want such burden. It was she who took me home when I didn't know where to go.

7. She's my BFF.

As I aged, I knew mom felt the distance between a teenager and an aging mom. She strived to pick up and understand whatever my interests and current likings and opened herself up to the youth world in hope that she would have a place in mine. Despite her fatigue, she would go shopping for hours with me like what girly girls would do and experiment make ups with me on my prom night.

She texts me. We talk like friends. The language were always informal as we call each other names like "woman" and "babe" Conversations with her never had a barrier because she is my BFF. I never had to look far for a friend as she is always there for me.

8. She pampers me.

Despite what other people say, she would deny that she pampers me too much. Deep in my heart I always knew that mom had always pampered me. She bought me an upright grand piano just because I scored a distinction in Vocal Grade 5. Even on Mother's Day she would buy me gifts and attend to my tummy aches and other discomfort. There is never a rest day for her, it was always a Queen's day for me.

9. She feeds me.

Mom is ever worried over my weight. As my family has past histories of health problems from weight gain. Despite the trouble of putting me through diet, she feeds me the best food, the best piece of lean meat, the best bread, organic vegetables. Also, she tries to let me have what I loved to eat that were no good for my diet, she would figure ways to get me there and stay healthy for as long as I am healthy and happy.

10. She loves me.

She could've chosen to let me go when our families parted. She could've chosen to send me a way when there was opportunity. She could have given up on me and leave me to suffer whatever I was going through. She never done any of such. Despite all the dirt I carry and all the troubles I caused, she loves me unconditionally.

It is not only for Mother's Day I do this. These are just the ten things I never had the guts to tell Mom how much I appreciate her being around and her love for me. These things never hit me during my daily life, but it hit me hard when she teared at the sight of a table full of dim sum when I took her out for Mother's Day breakfast.

I love you Mom.

I have a trust issue. I've been trying for so long, but nothing seems to work. I dislike where I'm at on Sacred days. I don't know if it is because I have failed to understand how other tribes are like compared to the tribe that I've always grown up with.

I love you. But I love myself too much to lose in anyway I can possibly lose. I loved the heart racing games we played when we danced around for days and weeks yearning for each others touch and commitment. It's almost a year now, and the commitment is starting to mature, but I'm not ready to grow older with it. I am an obsessive lover, an attention seeker. I am ME. I have been thrown around and abandoned too much by those who once were in my life. I am stronger on my own, I am weaker when I'm clinging on one's back.

I'm confused. It tears me to let you go. But when I had those few days of letting you go, it was a few days of haven. Does this mean, I should hurt for a winter, and be happy for the rest of the seasons to come?

You are ego, I am ego. Ego are us that brings us no where. Neither one of us are submissive, neither one of us are willing to try. I once told someone that my heart will never change for you. But I realized that he knew me better than myself. My love never changed for you, but my love for myself grew deeper each day. I despise your friends, the people you serve. You are a stranger to mine and to the ones I love.

The world doesn't belong to us both, love. I see myself drawing nearer to the day where I would be taking in the aroma of freshly brewed coffee in the early morning, and starting the day with a confident smile, dancing down the road, with only my shadow as my companion. I know this longing will take me no further as I age and that I must stop somewhere. I very much want you to be in it, to fit in my life. But unlike you, I still don't know who would be the one for me till death do us part...

Would there be a change of desire? Or will I continue to be the lass with the delicate air?

When reality hits me hard, and I need a good laugh, there's always someone who makes me go rolling and FOREVER on Google Talk. And I mean, FOREVER. Period.

We are two random buddies who can talk shit and go emo within 40 seconds. :P

This particular conversation begun like this:

Charmaine: Sigh, I see lovers around me, so lovey! Tagging each other in statuses.
Weisern: LOL same case lar, my best friend no longer like my post or status anymore.
I feel kinda weird actually, emo moments....
I miss those days..


Charmaine: Hmm ok. I actually meant that I don't get to be so lovey despite having a boyfriend,
but OKAY...

Weisern: Yea lar, sometimes those little things are what that matters most.

Charmaine: Aww Weisern, if only you were the man of my dreams...

And we both went :

ROFLMAO/LMFAO/LOL/ROFL/HAHAs


Yes, this is a random post.
Other readers may not understand this, but hey, you know who you are when you're reading this and that's all that matters!

Weisern, this post is dedicated to you, may you not feel left out though you're in India, and in some ways, thank you for being such a nice online buddy!

I have always been a thinker. I always am a fighter. I always needed my plans to be as bulletproof as possible, and often re-plan just so I won't miss out any unexpected changes that may take place.

When I met you, I lost myself in you, you gave me the joy I always hoped to have again. A hand to hold throughout the sunset and a listening ear to all my joys and pains. The moment chemistry sparked, I told myself I 'm not going to let this- us go. Thus, we clicked.

The stubborn me, needing to know if this relationship is bulletproof. I tested us in any bitchy way I can be. I needed to know if you'd still stand by me. You did. You made me see a different side of love, that this may just be different, that this may just be it.

Over the times, I've done my mistakes and I apologize. But looking at us in a third party's point of view, I'm nowhere fitted in your likes and dislikes. Staring at you, smiling with such joy with another, doesn't make me feel jealous. Just made me realize even more that I am not capable of it.

I don't want to continue in this illusion that we may work, we could work, we'll probably work. I don't want to be the one in a bucket of tears when it's all been said and done. I gathered my wits to put a checkmate to this, but I often chickened out and emotionally let the thoughts of not having you in my arms again slap me out of such courage.

It hurts me that you'd refuse to listen to my heart cries and claim to not have anything to do with it. It hurts me to see that you'd voluntarily listen and help others who need such company. I miss the times when we'd talk all night long on the phone and on the web. Does this mean we're only meant to be best of friends? Does this mean you're meant to be so near yet so far? What can I do to have your heart?

I long to be safe in your arms and secured with your love.
I looked upon heaven and pray that Father would show me which path to take and how to go through each and every day with such pain and yet at the same time such love from you.













Or maybe I'm just a loser in relationships.

As I make those long drives, I often doubt my destiny, the truth to the talent I was given as a child. If given a situation to start it all over, would I choose to own this talent or let it go to avoid any controversy? Life is an irony. We live our days trying to be a better person than yesterday and the day before yesterday and so forth. The irony here, is that despite a white piece of paper with a black dot somewhere on it, the art of a human being is that we would tend to seek the black dot instead of accepting the fact that the paper is actually- WHITE.

We harp on the past of what people once did to us and not how that person is at the present time whenever it doesn't please us. We run a race in our life, we decide our dreams and which we have decided to go forward with. One thing we did not realize is that this race involves other people's races as well. Sometimes no matter how much we want to play by our rules, other people's rules get involved in our race. It is time to realize that the world isn't as pretty as how we crayoned it on a piece of paper when we were 5.

Referring back to my current state of mind tonight, a talent is a gift, not a curse. However the world made it into a competition, the battle of the best to dominate others with what you have, and make this talent that we each individual have to be a reason to battle. We have meetings, feedback sessions hoping for progress in understanding each other as a team, but is this really the remedy of the situation? Is this what is meant by thinking out of the box?

Tonight I realized, that life isn't always how you want it to be no matter how big a dream you may have because there are other souls in it that will interfere with your dreams just so they get theirs. I realized that a talent may turn into a burden if we don't handle it well. I realize as I grow up now, that getting up every morning is a decision to make if we can face the episodes we have to face everyday. I now understand why some people won't mind not waking up the very next day, because not waking up might just be the next paradise for mankind.

How is it to put up a mask to look like I'm okay, when I know it is only fair if my lover do not take sides, but as a lover's lover, it is only natural for my lover to stand up for me in situations like this?

I apologize for such a merry-go-round post, but this is exactly how my mind works right now at this point of time. Things happen despite whether you want it to be. Everything is like clockwork...

My boyfriend introduced me this version of Fireflies by Owl City a cover done by David Choi

CHECK IT OUT! =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mm1920zk
wOA

So it was CNY! Though I know its quite long after CNY, but I think my grandma deserved the limelight up here. ^_^

My grandma's a gambling addict, yes, I have proof

Shot taken after grandma smacks her hand on the table saying, "ARGHHHHHH no blackjack!"

She eagerly flicks open other people's cards...

Which I won :D

S

She attempts another card hoping to change her luck

ROFL! Look how happy she is, and the amount of money! >_<

Well, more solid proof, I have a video of my grandma....

Okay, I'm waiting for my eggs to boil. (that sounded weird) I decided to give my readers an insight on what I eat in Petaling Jaya. Most people think living in PJ is like another world for me, but hey, I don't have ATM machine parents okay!

College cafeteria dish : Grilled chicken chop.
Comments : The chicken's good so are the potatoes, but the coleslaw sucks.

 My own cooking! Pasta bolognaise!!!!! Only one thing for sure, minced meat in every bite compared to stingy restaurants!!! LOL

This is a really HUGE banana. It costs RM 1 at 7-eleven, delivered to their outlets daily. It's filling enough for lunch. Just make sure your workplace/college has clean and comfortable loos for you to ahem after so much fibre.

 

My range of VONO MUSHROOM SOUP SATCHETS! What to do lar, no momma's loving soup anymore *sobs*

Okay, too bad I don't have a camera, but if you get to see this dish upclose, it looks like moulded swiss roll. It's called something Bomb! hahahahahaaha It's stuffed ice cream into a slice of swiss roll, topped with whipped cream. It's actually pretty nice. The KDU Hospitality students made it. But for such small slice, it does cost a bomb for RM 4 >_<

This cendol stall makes me happy on hot days after class. However, it makes me really really mad when I don't have a parking because this dude takes up one parking space. LOL
Anyways, it's Penang Cendol and Pasembur at the Choy Kee Restaurant parking spaces.

Last but not least! Spaghetti bolognaise from college cafeteria. Not so nice, but edible. I bought it cost the chef's cute. HAHAHAHA

Lord You are good and your mercy endures forever,
You gave me a talent and mom polished it for me,
Regardless my length in service,
I just want You to know,
That I'd give my all for You and at Your service,
May You grant me sweet melodies as I lay my fingers,
A talent which I have denied for years,
Talent which I envied in others throughout my time,
Pray that You'd be next to me,
And form melodies in my heart and the hearts of Your people,
I will follow You,
Jesus, lead me on,
As I walk my step of faith,
Showing You my passion,
And offer You my service,
As little as it may be,
It is from my heart's desire.

Valentine's and it wasn't like the usuals where couples go out and have candle light dinner. At least not for any of the people I know this year cause Valentine's and CNY fall on the same day. After dinner and much gambling, I sat down and typed my boyfriend an e-mail for the occasion. After much thought and after sending the e-mail. I took a moment to ponder about us and our future.

I tried to see pass what's happened and hope to feel a little faith in me to believe that similar incidents would not happen as of Original Kayu mamak shop. It's not just about not entering that shop again, it's about how much your loved one would strive and fight for you when you deserve all the rights in the world at that point of time.

It's sad to say, that this is a hindrance for me right now. I dare not say temporary because the way he treats me all along can soon fade away this imprint in me, But I am just afraid, of how much our relationship is weighed in his point of view and where would I stand as more months add up to our relationship. Through hardships and joy we share, we enrich our relationship. But will I one day, look back and again have this doubt of whether I am stood up for haunt me again?

Love you I do, but every girl wants her knight and shinning armour to be just as how the fairy tale story tells us. I don't need a man to ride a fancy car (a  horse) and have wavy hair (good looks) or even be a Prince (rich)
but be like Peter Cetera's Glory of Love:

I am a man who would fight for your honour

I'll be the hero that you've been dreaming of

We'll live forever

Knowing together that we

Did it all for the glory of love

For now, give me time to let me heal...

We spend our lives hoping to please other people
We spend our lives hoping to make another person smile
Sometimes the barb wires are just too hard to cut loose
And situations are just too tensed to actually "hope" to solve
I get so tired striving for my dreams
Because when we truly feel happy, there's always a price to pay for,
When we truly want something, there's always something to give in return,
Am I prepared to give what it takes in order to get what I want?
Am I capable of unleashing the hidden dark side of me
For once ignoring the fact that I would be erasing a smile of satisfaction from another
In order to create one for my own?
What is life when you don't get what you want?
When is it the time for you to achieve?
Lastly, how do we achieve
If we have to worry about everyone around us
Causing us to think a million years before daring to make the first step
And when we do make the step...
It might be just too late...

As I woke this morn,

Sunrise of our first Monday,

Crickets and crows sung a choir,

I sighed deeply and my heart skipped a beat,

The sunrise embraced me with its heat so warm,

Looking over the hedge,

Is the grass really greener on the other side?

Here I am,

About to step foot into the other path of the plains,

Silver and gold I have none,

But sincerity and willingness to try is what I have to offer,

Embrace me o year,

Create in me a new heart, a new joy, a new dream,

Most of all,

Create in me,

A smile,

Smile so bright, as bright as your first Monday sun...

As I waved goodbye to Mom this evening, I shed a tear or two as I vanished from her sight. It wasn't as easy as I thought it could be. Egoistic or not, it was never a great thing to have completed a Pre-U course and now doing another one. I'm turning twenty, and many of my friends are about to finish college and begin their career. Here I am starting from scratch again. A pang of self-disgrace shook me to my spine that this journey now walked by me alone...

It was very discouraging to be thought by many that I am wasting my father's money by quitting the first degree course I chose- Business. As tough as I look and no matter how wide my smile can be, I wished they would know that I never once felt any better. The whole time through the process of signing up-quitting-deciding-applying-registration, I felt not one bit less than a failure. I have my mother and my sister,Jo to thank for, for helping me through all the consultations and applications and of course, my friends to comfort me through my worrying days of whether I will or will not succeed this time.

No, please, don't put me in a phase of trial. Yea, so I applied the PTPTN loan to help pay my studies, but it wasn't that I wanted to react rebelliously, I am only apologetic that I have wasted someone's hopes and dreams apart from $$$ that I could've succeeded in the Business course. This has nothing to do about going against Dad proving that I can switch courses without him supporting my studies. To the world: I have made a mistake. Please, give me a chance to try again...

Right now in this phase of life, the least I would want is to be reminded on how hard Mom is working for my sake. I am not ignorant, I never was and never will be. I made a mistake, I rushed through my life's planning without much thought. It's hard enough to pick myself up and try again...

Many paths given unto me,

I foolishly chosen a dream that was never mine,

Causing the people around me to pay a price,

For my sake indeed for I am aware,

A new year has come,

Return me my wand,

To try casting the dream that was mine intended...