Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The 6th year

We're 6 months into 2015. My last post was in 2013.

I'm not sure what happened but as soon as 2013 closed its chapter, my life took on a bullet train ride and it hasn't stopped since. And now, I'm turning 25 in two weeks.

I guess as I got older I realised that most of my blogposts were crappy writing, mostly just to kill time and whine about how unfair life is. But then again these are the memories that I'd like to look back on in the days to come.

Just 3 days ago, Z and I celebrated our 6th year together. How we got here, I'm baffled myself.

Short of 24 hours after our 6th year, we got into a really big argument. There were screaming, door slamming and then there was. 'We're done, it's over.'

It was then as if my soul left my body and I could see the two of us from afar and as I watched him walk away I knew that this was something we've fought for this far and we are letting something so precious slide off our hands.

And it was then I said, stop it. He turned and said that he's changed so much for me and I felt the same way too. We have gone through so much and for a second, I don't even remember how the fight mattered or how it all began.

We argued because we were late for church.

It slipped his tongue when I offered my keyboard for the Sunday service. He said we were running late and I snapped. I caused us to be late to church that morning. For months I've struggled keeping up with church and serving. Our church was far, it's about an hour and a half drive every weekend and my job has left me exhausted. And that Sunday among many other Sundays, I just couldn't peel myself off my bed.

I guess at the end of the day, I snapped because I was disappointed with myself. I felt broken and disconnected from God and Z's wrong choice of words at the wrong time was just the pin lifted off from a grenade.

It was definitely not right to yell at each other. I guess that's when one of us decided to call it quits.

And it was as if we completed each other. When one of us raise our voice, the other keeps calm. I don't know how us two hard headed, hot tempered idiots have learnt to grow to love each other so deeply over the years.

Here I am on my bed, thinking. He has blessed me with a man that is a total opposite of who I am. A man who does not even complement me in any way. But we have learnt to love, care and enjoy each other's company and interest.

He has also blessed me with a strong shoulder to rely on.

And a person whom I could run to and ask for as many prayers as I need to reassure myself at times when I feel disconnected.

He's a person who would wake me up every Sunday morning without fail and leave silently but patiently when I choose to nurse my battered body over going to church.

A person who would keep both my feet stable and remind me to cast my burdens unto Him and let tomorrow worry for itself.

A man who thanks the Lord for having me in his life and I for him in mine.

I love you.

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