Thursday, July 31, 2008


Today the heat is rather penetrating, I'm close to peeling off what's left of me. I hesitated on posting this yesterday, but I think it would be something I want to remember. I got back to Seremban on Tuesday afternoon, and I broke into a run from KTM to ACS. I got my cert the one I delayed for so long, I met teachers and juniors, brief greetings but I think I did pretty well. As I was coming down that stone staircase, you know the one where we'd dread to look at on Mondays, I glanced up towards the library, I was tempted to check out the choir but I wasn't sure if there was practice. I glanced over to the CF room, the urge to play on that lousy old piano was so strong, and to walk through the kitchen and the bible study room where I knew Arnan! Searched in my pocket, whoops, maine's no longer the president is she?

I got to T1, said hi to my faithful optician who is still so patient with me even though its probably my tenth time telling her I couldn't wear my lenses. I went to the loo and then as I was coming out I saw a bunch of boys at the KungFu kopitiam? One of them looked like G, but I was unsure, but guess what? I smiled, I smiled and I skipped, I couldn't be bothered anymore, it was as though I've got wings or something, I hopped to McD's. There's this boy behind the burger rack who was so hilarious, I ordered from the lady, and he yelled "thank you", I looked up and he turned red, hahahaha, then his co-workers laughed at him. The rest of the time he was looking and when I looked he turned. Gawd, what's wrong with you? LOL, perhaps I should come by again huh? :D

I got home (thanks for the ride Mandy), I called Jia Yi up and headed to her house for a "yam cha" session. I don't know why I did that but I just needed to be with people and thank god she didn't reject. We had a brief meet up but she told me enough stories about relationships she's gone through and how she put an end to it when the other party asked for inappropriate things. I envy her bravery, I seriously did. I got home, acted like a nuisance, then Grace kept smsing me to ensure I was alright. I wasn't I told her, its empty, but, I feel lighter I'm over that someone who's been depressing me. I wish I knew Darren many moons ago, I don't know why I said that but yeah, I'm so over G. I'm happy.

I had to do some survey questions for Business assignment. I went over to Xin Yi's and she told me she wanted to go for a drink, I picked Jia Yi up and we went. We landed our behinds at some kinda shop and talked. As we talked, I confessed my trouble of being afraid of the world, they talked things out with me and told me their experiences with relationships and stuff. That's when it hit me, they carried me home to comfort and love. That's what I meant, D. And yes, I got my friends back, but I don't want to lose you as well.

I finished my law test today. Then I felt a lil lonely, because I've not heard from D such a long time. But what am I to do? I stared at my lappy for hours, as I stared at my MSN, well one thing led to another and it was OK lah. I saw G online, I freaked awhile, then I decided to say hi and congratulate his performance. It doesn't matter, I just wanted to prove to myself that I'm able to stand up. I did. I wanted to share this with D but sigh!!! Then he came online. Eventually...talked a lil. The question, do I want to revive this friendship? Excuse my manners, but hell yeah. Sadly, you forgot about that question. Then you told me to let it flow. Sigh, mixed signals, fell back into my box again.

Xin yi said that she sees me each time with much more confidence and changes, Jia Yi said that I have a very tough front though fragile on the inside. They were rather comforting. So did Mandy, who msned and visited pretty often. Grace Kong, who worries over my meals all day. My room mate who always ask me "are you ok?" I think I'm coming out of my shell now. Have a lil faith in me would you? Don't leave, but like I said, "carry me home" when you know I'm too quiet.

The heat is rather consuming, but I feel much better now as a person. I want to cherish everyone I know, and I'm not letting anyone slip away like how I let it happen. Friends, I love you, and you...yeah the you who silently reads and don't tell me how you feel, I love you too, revive us will you? It'll be one step at a time I know but it'll be something I want so badly. People, enjoy the heat though typical Malaysians would be dreading it, but I feel so free that I will tonight. Cheers, "crutches", I'm standing because you guys stood by me

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