Friday, August 1, 2008

My Wish

Finally you decided to IM me first. Unfortunately, it wasn't a hello or konbanwa like you used to? It was, "I've deleted my blog by the way" Isn't it ironic? I was just mentioning it in my previous post about how it gave me inspiration. My journey in music is rather shaken, I fail to trail my tracks of where I've been at that peak. It is not the matter of one disappointing music lesson, but I have been struggling for so long. Trinity will be knocking on my window pane by December. No, I do not want a pianist nor take the exams anymore. Because my voice is broken...
You kept repeating the sentence that I should delete you from my bloglist, if it dreads you that much, why don't you just flag me down? I won't hate you for it.

I get mixed feelings from you these days. You are so near yet so far, or perhaps you're not here at all and I'm just deluding myself? It is similar to what I feel now for music, its so near, but when I reach for it, its too far. I hope you could picture the warmth we had not too long ago, it used to be like how you played it on the piano. Soothing, smooth flowing with touches of thrill to it with the descending scale-trill you favour. Unfortunately, English comes with present and past tense, and this is a past tense.

My wish, is to gain my presence in music again. Piano was never a chore to me, neither were vocals, they were my flesh and blood. I feel numb that I'm not at all sure if they are still. I used to gain lil steps watching your crooked thumb on the keys, but its all gone now. I wish that you could just not rub it in anymore, I wish I never exhausted your "battery" Perhaps that's what Ian felt about me as well. You're like that high A flat which I struggled to reach in Porgi Amor, I wish it would all be like how it used to be. I want to laugh that loud again, I want to smile that wide again, I want to have my cheeks lifted so high that my eyes will sparkle.. dear music and you, open your doors for me. But if neither of you will, I pray you won't forget me.

My wish for you, is that you will never have to carry more than you can hold, that your dreams stay big and probably a very small part of you, you will know that I'm still here waiting for your "hei fan gao" greeting. I'm seeking inspiration for music in a way where I doubt anyone would. I agree with your statement that, "humans see to believe, and not believe to see" I have seen much in life though with just one eye, but it feels a lot better when you close your eyes and be led to see life's greatness.Similar to how you are when you hear music, remember that?

You can kick or slap me as much as you like, because I will be able to feel your presence. Don't be Porgi Amor, be Vaga Luna will you? Be that E flat I've always adored. I wish talking to me would not be a chore. I wish that you will forgive because I regret, that you will forget that weekend and speak no more of your batteries. I stand fine now, but somehow you make me topple again leaving me hanging. Where is the moments when I need it the most? Don't kick up the leaves please, because I need that magic.

My wish for you is that life treats you well and that you will include me in it as well, I hope you know somebody is here and wants the same things too. Yeah, that's my wish.

0 lovebites:

Post a Comment

Template by:
Free Blog Templates