Wednesday, August 6, 2008


Nearing a full wound of two years now, I finally got something from her. No doubt I was left crying feeling the pain again but it sure felt as though I've hit jackpot hearing from her. She voiced out her disappointments in words but I could picture just exactly how it would've sounded if she were to be infront of me. She asked me to forgive her but what is there to be forgiven when she has never done me wrong? On the contrary, I pray she'll be able to forgive me.

I've always felt lonely when she wasn't there back then when I was having a breakdown, but who am I to blame when I never said a word about it? The times where she saw me cry she never left my side, though it'll be midnight she'll still stay up to answer my call. There was once where I could not hide myself anymore and I broke down in tears, wailing my heart out at the hotel restroom, she understood nothing but she put one hand on my shoulders and let me cry. The times I sprained my foot, it was rather fun having her as my living crutches being there whenever I needed to move. She thinks I've changed but no I have not. But at that time it was the only way for me to cover up my damaged heart because I didn't know how to fix it not till this day.

She hurt because I never told her what hit my life. I hurt because I could never told her. Soon, she found out from others. I'll never forget that face of hers when she told me she knew, how disappointed she felt and how hurt she felt for me as well. However it was all too fresh for me at that time and I was never allowed to tell her though it was always at the tip of my tongue to confide in her. But one thing led to another our friendship went down the drain and we were so apart that the chill without her was so biting

So many memories of us both where I'd give my all to re-live them again. I'll never forget that beautiful acapella we both sang for Amazing Grace in that hotel room. Every word that was in that post was in past tense, I'll never know if she could ever forgive me because she has lost trust in me. I am at fault for not saying it right to her and for hurting her so much. The love I get from her is something I doubt I can ever find a replacement because I can always rest my head in her presence.
She thinks I've left but I've been waiting for I do not know how to potray myself when I'm in her presence again. I think it would be a collection thicker than any book in the world that could contain our memories of each other. Enjoying every moment going wild with her and watching her lick her bowl clean when my mom makes her favourite pork stew mee hoon. In the days to come as I look over my shoulder, I won't know if she's there because I've left a wound too deep. I'm missing her of the times we have been. Wishing that she will never have to go away, being distant is not we are but its either we stand or we fall when the will is broken.

I've left us both damaged

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