Thursday, August 7, 2008


What's love has gotta do with this? I'm really alright with being friends and stuff but hey watch it, there's no need to rush things here do we? To begin with, our friendship is pretty alright over the times and yeah we're both fine with things. Its been so long since I've heard from him and then all a sudden he contacted me again. We've chatted rather briefly on messenger for about three days I suppose. It was all falling into place very nicely like how we used to talk to each other, brief but its alright since we never really bothered about each other's life anyways. Then yesterday I was really down about my music and I was trying to get it back singing "You and me" by Lighthouse, you know the wedding song? Yeah, so then he came online and he expressed his feelings. I was left gawking for the first few seconds then I realised that no one really know me do they? I just want to say that I'm not a highway to easily fall for anyone. A long gap of not talking with the you-run-your-own-life thingy and then now 3 roses?

Sometimes I wonder why adolescents these days think that relationships are just holding hands and going out on dates? Its not that simple, the chemistry must be there. I felt rather mocked because the way he emphasised the necessity to be in commitment with him for my life to be in order. Politely I said I'm not ready and apologised because no matter what reason it was feelings are rather complicated anyways so who am I to blame? He sounded dumbfounded well I wouldn't really know since we're online, but I explained and said take things slow, one step at a time. I'd appreciate a simple friendship for now. He agreed and it was back to normal as though nothing happened which was good right?

Today, frankly speaking I could just jump off the building like how D used to tease me. I got a proposal, a pre-proposal rather. Notifying me what his parents' preferences are and how things should be done for the future. So again I was rather calm and said, "Didn't we agree to work on our friendship?" But he went on and on that I just don't know what to do anymore seriously, I could feel my rebonded hair go freshly permed. Its not just feelings, its how much do you know me and what do you see in me. Don't tell me I'm beautiful, everyone is, but tell me what love is really all about? Merely a window dressing amongst your friends?

This feeling in me was rather blue, tempted was I to say, "Am I a product in the market to you?" I've not even made pass through a relationship and I got a proposal instead. The change of status quo from single to in a relationship is not a necessity for me but the principle of being respected and liked ( i have no right to say love) is more than just those 'three roses' you confessed to me. No, I'm not letting go of a chance of getting a soulmate but when that moment is right, I'm all up for it with the the one. I'm rather curious how the chemistry sparked when he was never there to see me cry, never there to see me hurt and was never there to care.
Hey ho, a little high a little low, respect women for we are not a decoration for your profile. Stop and look at me for me and tell me what do you see and tell me with our gazes locked that you are for real. Then, answer my question why you're there and not here? See?

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