Monday, July 28, 2008

Broken Orb

My first day of the week is a total bummer. Seriously, life is rather unfair. I walked into the class with great confidence with the experience I had singing yesterday. I knew that this is the time of my life to make a difference with music. The moment to signature my music. However, before I could even open my mouth to make a note, volcano errupted. I don't even know what happened. The words he used tells me he meant something else, but D told me something else. Now what's what? To my horror, one sentence was all that needed to break me to pieces. People, give me a break please? You folks can teach me a lesson some other day, but not such a time as this. My finals being a week away, the person I turn to left, the person I hope to walk his footsteps left. What's left? Dust.

Trinity will reply tomorrow. Trinity, the one and only opportunity I've been waiting since the start of July 2006. A grade 5. A starting point of what may seem a life of a singer. Well, I'm about to give it away because of what I heard..... because of what I almost become according to him. He said I'm the one whom he thinks he CANNOT help anymore. He thinks I should take a break and think of what I really want and whether music is it. Dude, I've been getting bad news all weekend and now this? You must be joking.

Music, the only aspect where I can find myself when the world leaves me cold, when I cry out in tune by the piano, is advised to leave by someone I trusted. Of course, he did not tell me to do so, but he said I'm at that point already. Its my call. Why can't people have faith in me at all? I'm not timid with music, hell no. But today it was so hurting that when he was done talking, I could no longer sing. I barely managed to whisper. One part of me left me. I'm doing all the sacrifices I can. I'm trying to work it out, but no one believes me. I spoke to many people tonight, trying to get their opinions, trying to make them understand, sadly, they said, "perhaps its not yours.. its not your destiny..forget about it..live your life in this misery and be done with it."

Tonight, is the point where everything is over. Human touch, music touch, my own touch on things and people, all gone in a wink of an eye. I tried to recall the voice who once told me, "Maine, I have faith in you so let's make some noise"..... though he told me that last Friday again, I can't recall his voice and I can't picture the wisdom and courage I had from his lips. The sentence, "that voice just now was horrendous" was a huge wave that drowned me. When my dear Guide tells me about Trinity, that's when I will gather my wits and say, "I have lost the music in my heart with all that has struck me, I will go to that phase you mentioned, I quit."

I quote what Berthold Auerbach said, "Music washes away from the soul and the dust of everyday life."

2 lovebites:

Karen said...

i think u should not give up. All those times u sang in the room made me believe that one day u'll be a singer. If music's your true passion..i say do it!

vaga luna said...

finally someone who has a heart to have faith in me. however karen, too much has hit me in one weekend and now a decision to be made the minute trinity calls. sigh... may someone knock on my door soon. because i think i'm leaving and never to come back again. you should know what i mean eh karen?

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