Wednesday, July 30, 2008

A thwart..

It's not working is it D? We don't talk the same anymore, and it's killing me. One part of me is gone. You said to me, "You'll survive" I seriously do not understand the human behaviour. Shouldn't I be the judge of whatever that has been going on? Or perhaps I should ask, do you have to go that badly? You said you did not intend to completely put me out of your stage...well then, hand me my script for I am an actress who has lost all sense of completion in your stage because the script I had has changed.

Putting all my eggs in one basket may sound like a risky thing to you. As for me, I'd risk it. I live a busy life or should I say I choose to keep myself busy because whenever night falls, as I lay my head on the pillow, tears start to fall as I review what life has given me. My friend xin yi, I talk to her about everything. Back in school we'd call each other every single day and hang out most of the time together. Perhaps you've noticed her in church once in a while. I know how you felt when you were depressed because I've gone through it more than once. Back in form two, I met Annie who then left to another state and now we no longer talk. I'm still in touch with xin yi, but its way different now due to distance sake. Then I met you..

You made me see life in a whole new perspective just like how xin yi did. Have you ever felt the joy when you wake up in the morning, and you'd just jump out of bed because you know that life has treated you well and you know, that at the end of the day, your friend would holler and say "hey what's up?" I don't think you do.

It's so different now with you, there is a wound there and I can't seem to identify where and how. To watch you distant away makes me wish I've not known you at all. But no, if I've not met you, I think I've not seen one part of life yet. I spent my days watching your picture on your blog with your hand on the piano, I spent time listening to your repetoire and those around me, it gives me inspiration for music. How I'm feeling now is the same as how the F note on the CF piano is like, where its broken. I still remember whenever I needed that note, you'd reach your hand into it and hold it for me. But now, it remains broken without one moment of wholeness...

Remembered that smile you gave last Sunday as I watched, I wish I'd get that from you too someday. But when you wish upon a star, there's no difference who you are. Sadly, I could only wish...............I'm waiting for my script still...

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