Sunday, January 18, 2009


This morning, I searched high and low for a shop that would fix my car. None was open, and none that was would do it for me.

I had vocal lesson and I totally forgotten about it.
It was a disaster that I chose to attend anyways. He lectured me about me not being focused enough and was rather upset towards my progress today. It hurt me because I couldn't tell him I had such a bad day this weekend... I opened my mouth to protest but I knew words wouldn't come and tears would instead. So I just took it all in and blamed my own stupidity.

I was sitting down just now playing the piano singing some praises. I sang "When the music fades"

It striked me that J actually called me last night while I was at Xy's place. He apologized for not catching up. Sadly, I am already broken, and his apology can be accepted but it would not make any difference anymore. Back a few months, he was all different, now, I don't even know him anymore. I don't intend to publish our episodes here but as I was telling E online the other night, that when my life is full of shit, there are only a handful of friends I could call.

As I continued singing, I cried so hard, I've never felt so stuck in my life. Sometimes, its just too little too late. I don't want to get too close and get myself hurt again. This person has made too many promises and fulfilled none. I hope someone would tell him that for me. I didn't talk to him much on the phone, cos it was too disappointing to. My life is going on even if he doesn't catch up. I don't need a fling caller. I don't need a fling companion who only talks about himself all the time. I may have a handful of friends whom I can rely on, I am lonely at nights, I am struggling, but that's the last thing I need on my list.

I never again want to be disappointed by this individual. It's just too high a price to pay. And I'm still paying...

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