Saturday, January 24, 2009


Honestly, I'm pretty upset with J still. I remember a few days before school started for him, he told me he needed me on Fridays, to speak to him, to catch up with him and to continue advising him as in like a commitment. I had classes 2-4pm on Fridays... and yeah, I asked my lecturer if he could change it. Obviously he did change it for me. I somehow felt as though I owe it to my classmates and to my dear teacher who probably had to face certain amount of difficulty because he had to care for his old aged mom too.

One thing I don't understand about J is that, he can be so committed to whatever he likes, whenever he wants to. Like when he had a crush on P? He remembers literally everything and does everything he needs to to gain attention or whatsoever goal. I'm not comparing as a lover or an infatuation sorta thing but sometimes I wonder, how long does it take him to realise that he has caused me to put my life on hold just to think that he actually meant all those commitments he said?

I said yes thinking this is what I wouldn't mind doing serving God. But this is way too much, too many times, too many negativity, too many sacrifices, too many consequences that led to nothing but me being in despair. Everytime we do come across each other, it beats my heart to yell at him and tell him how much trouble he's caused. But what's the point? I agree with what Pastor P said,

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