Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The right moves

Well, guess I've been preparing for the biggie on Sunday a little too much. Then when I heard it was cancelled I was pretty disappointed. I mean, it took me a whole load of courage to embrace myself for that walk if you know what I mean. I really wanted that day to determine if I was really okay with myself and facing that part of my depression. Sigh...... not forgetting the Saturday night, was another hectic and confusing outing. Perhaps I've been overly excited with the little gathering and was too exhausted when the big one came at nightfall. Went home with a terrible headache.....

That night, no sleep at all, mere wake all night till the sun rose. I finally drifted off to sleep, missing any church on the contrary...

Then a situation of communication error yet with her again. I seriously hate it when it happens because it seemed nothing but ridicule to me. We know each other fairly well yet we drown ourselves with endless episodes of miscommunication. Sometimes I wish I'd just call her more often and tell her most details myself. But again, I remembered what D said last time, that I'm too clingy sorta thing and that he can't be there all the time. That's when I pulled back on calling her, I didn't want her to be walking out on me too if I bugged her too much.

Well, guess I have problems in maintaining a friendship what more a relationship. Hah! Alas! Life is nothing but mere trouble for me when it comes to relationships of any sort. I seem to be uncontrollably cranky whenever I'm disappointed... I hate having to be human sometimes. The necessity to do the right moves ........ and then getting into the wrong moves...

Sigh, these holidays have been an entirely long and slow paced one, I had my ample rest but have not been able to fulfill my thoughts of endeavouring stronger friendships. In addition, family relationships is also another obstacle I've yet to encounter. Ah..... another day, another sun, another cloud, another disappointment with no one else but myself.

I'm just disappointed I haven found out whats wrong with me yet.

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