Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Fall

Everybody's changed. Frankly, I thought whatever we did last year would make a difference, and things would be better this year. Yet, things are like worse than before. I'm 19, and I'm older by 2 years. Sometimes when D greets me in the morning with the blunt, "what are you doing here" hurts me. I do understand that he meant that out of care but its just a little piercing sometimes. Now that I'm about to leave school, problems just rise and it creates a very upsetting moment for me to be leaving school. It's just so painful to see that whatever I've tried to do with them last year did not make a slight difference at all and despite of that it deteriorated the situation.

How much do they want this? Again I ask, why is serving Him different within school compound and the church you individually attend to? What if He was different that way too? Wouldn't we all have doubts in Him too? To those who battled with me last year, now that she's not exposed the full truth about what took place, have you no dignity for yourself and for those who fought with you to explain to the innocent minds about what TRULY happened?

I know CF has changed my whole life thoroughly and forever. In fact, it has changed me more than how going to church on Sundays has. I believe, I've learnt to be a better person ever since. But to watch them making a fool out of this CF hurts me so much. Do they not regret when they finally leave school? That they have done nothing but to disappoint the Almighty? Have they REALLY put in enough effort to try to make a change? Is that the best they can come up with?

I'm not saying that I am very eligible person and a person who always excel. I've had my falls too. In fact D is one of them who had been through my period of failure and depression. This is the same thing that has happened to the CF, aren't you going to stand up and do something about it? Is rebellion really something necessary? For mere past vengeance and her misunderstandings that has led to this? Is this true? Or is there more to it? Then why don't you guys make her see what we saw, or are you telling me YOU DID NOT SEE WHAT I HAD INTENDED FOR YOU LAST YEAR?

Holding a position so high up, reminds me of the priests in the temple in the Bible. Are you mere statues? Or are you going to use that authority God has given you based on Luke 10:19? Or you enjoy the fame and doing nothing? Isn't it time to see this CF grow? See that LOVE PAYS WITH HOPE? Isn't it time for you to reach out to those who need you the most? That listening ear that once we gave each other last year? What has happened to that bond? What has happened to unity? What has happened to doing stunts together?

I don't want to see the teacher like this. I don't want to see everyone moving like snails. I don't want to see us not being on front line to fight for Him. Why should we fight among ourselves?? But then again, this is WHAT I SEE, WHAT I WANT, and I am not the DIRECT contact of the current CF... I prayed so hard, pleaded to God to show them the way or tell me what is it that I can do...but I'm just so lost.

Dear Father, I really want this Seremban to have a revival among the youths. They are the hope of our generation. Lord, I pray that you would open the eyes of their heart and let them experience your pain, and let them know what you want them to do...and Lord, if there's anything you want me to do, I'd do it for you,Amen

1 lovebites:

Avindran.. said...

Maine, if you want..you cant ask..you got to start..prepare for whatever consequences..but..i think you need a rest.. tc.. :)

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