We spend our lives hoping to please other people
We spend our lives hoping to make another person smile
Sometimes the barb wires are just too hard to cut loose
And situations are just too tensed to actually "hope" to solve
I get so tired striving for my dreams
Because when we truly feel happy, there's always a price to pay for,
When we truly want something, there's always something to give in return,
Am I prepared to give what it takes in order to get what I want?
Am I capable of unleashing the hidden dark side of me
For once ignoring the fact that I would be erasing a smile of satisfaction from another
In order to create one for my own?
What is life when you don't get what you want?
When is it the time for you to achieve?
Lastly, how do we achieve
If we have to worry about everyone around us
Causing us to think a million years before daring to make the first step
And when we do make the step...
It might be just too late...

As I woke this morn,

Sunrise of our first Monday,

Crickets and crows sung a choir,

I sighed deeply and my heart skipped a beat,

The sunrise embraced me with its heat so warm,

Looking over the hedge,

Is the grass really greener on the other side?

Here I am,

About to step foot into the other path of the plains,

Silver and gold I have none,

But sincerity and willingness to try is what I have to offer,

Embrace me o year,

Create in me a new heart, a new joy, a new dream,

Most of all,

Create in me,

A smile,

Smile so bright, as bright as your first Monday sun...

As I waved goodbye to Mom this evening, I shed a tear or two as I vanished from her sight. It wasn't as easy as I thought it could be. Egoistic or not, it was never a great thing to have completed a Pre-U course and now doing another one. I'm turning twenty, and many of my friends are about to finish college and begin their career. Here I am starting from scratch again. A pang of self-disgrace shook me to my spine that this journey now walked by me alone...

It was very discouraging to be thought by many that I am wasting my father's money by quitting the first degree course I chose- Business. As tough as I look and no matter how wide my smile can be, I wished they would know that I never once felt any better. The whole time through the process of signing up-quitting-deciding-applying-registration, I felt not one bit less than a failure. I have my mother and my sister,Jo to thank for, for helping me through all the consultations and applications and of course, my friends to comfort me through my worrying days of whether I will or will not succeed this time.

No, please, don't put me in a phase of trial. Yea, so I applied the PTPTN loan to help pay my studies, but it wasn't that I wanted to react rebelliously, I am only apologetic that I have wasted someone's hopes and dreams apart from $$$ that I could've succeeded in the Business course. This has nothing to do about going against Dad proving that I can switch courses without him supporting my studies. To the world: I have made a mistake. Please, give me a chance to try again...

Right now in this phase of life, the least I would want is to be reminded on how hard Mom is working for my sake. I am not ignorant, I never was and never will be. I made a mistake, I rushed through my life's planning without much thought. It's hard enough to pick myself up and try again...

Many paths given unto me,

I foolishly chosen a dream that was never mine,

Causing the people around me to pay a price,

For my sake indeed for I am aware,

A new year has come,

Return me my wand,

To try casting the dream that was mine intended...