Online Mandarin tutor

Hey people, it happened unexpectedly. I know my Mandarin is bad, I cannot speak Mandarin nor can I write, so yeah, go ahead and laugh your head off. It's a little long a post but I found the way I struggled to communicate was rather hilarious.... just don't remind me when you do see me face to face alright?

maine says:
ni hao ma
Tutor says:
aloha.,...im back....
bu hao...
maine says:
wei sher mo pu hao?
Tutor says:
is WEI SHEM ME BU HAO?
maine says:
(i know my mandarin sucks)
Tutor says:
cause im goin to take my online assesment later...and 2 paper sumore...then on fri,i nit to do the most stressful prsentation...
maine says:
jiang hwa yi... lol!!
Tutor says:
OH MY GOD!!!!!
HELP ME!!!!!
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maine says:
oh whoops.. wo men yao jiang hua yu
Tutor says:
hao hao hao...hua yu...
maine says:
ying wei wo pu thai tong chem me jiang
( i hope you know what am i trying to say )
Tutor says:
hao hao hao...wo ming bai...
Tutor says:
why nowadays everyone is using chinese to msn?
maine says:
ying wei wo men shuang lor :P
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Tutor says:
wah...ni de hua yu you jing bu...
maine says:
you ma? wo zhe zhi pu jue de di... ( this is getting hilarious)
Tutor says:
is wo zhi ji bu jue de...
maine says:
ohhhh
Tutor says:
at least wo ming bai ni zai shuo shem me...
maine says:
hao lor, lu guo ni bu ming bai wo tou pu zhe tao shuey huey ming bai
(something's wrong in that sentence)
Tutor says:
ru guo ni bu ming bai,wo duo bu zhi dao shui hui ming bai...

maine says:
ni chiak peng ady?
(whoops, that's hokkien)
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maine says:
wo de class you 5 people pa liao... wo de room mate yiu jou ( go away) liao... ta sian zai tu (study) AUP programme, wo tian tian shang sue tou ke ren chi fu (bully)..
(i hope i'm making some sense)
Tutor says:
wei shem me gei ren jia qi fu?
maine says:
ohh its qi fu!!
(it sounds like some qi qong leh)

maine says:
na tian na ke Mr. I jiao wo ken ta qu swimming zai S2, ajak wo ken ta together sue chem me swim... wo hai mei you qu until now... so...wo shiang ta ying kai chi (angry) wo ba
Tutor says:
ni you wen ta ma?
maine says:
......ta de girlfriend shi ma lai ( malay) ren leh... wo jue de ta "sotplak" liao, you shi hou ta treat wo hen hao, you shi hou treat wo like crap
ni hai remember ma? semester one wo ken ni jiang guo ta si huan ( like) wo, ran hao mei you shem me ...
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maine says:
ke nen shi ying wei wo leng lui lor... wakaakakakakaka
you shui ke yi resist wo de "beauty"
Tutor says:
wah....ni you mei you gao chuo?
zhe yang zhan zhi ji?
bu guo,hen you xin xing
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maine says:
you also know wo de hua yu hen cacat de, what to do? san (3) nian (year) zai mandarin tadika also mei you yong (no use)....haiz....... actually, wo shi si huan (like) jiang hua yu de, tan shi (but) in this aspect, wo really mei you xin xing lor
(wakakakakakakakak like jigsaw puzzle )

Tutor says:
hhahahhaa
wa..ni de hua yu you zin bu hen duo...ying wei,wo ming bai everything ni jiang..