Image courtesy of Wallpapers789.blogspot.com

This new song has been flooding the mainstream radio stations lately. Somehow felt that it relates to me. Well, there’s high chance that I’m just cultivated into thinking it relates to my phase in life right now but anyways, who knows, eh?

Anyhow, just want to share the stages of relationship that I have recently come to senses with. I’ve recently been thinking about it and I have found a video by the WongFu Productions that best describes it, well, almost. Should you think my two cents is too long a read, I guess this video relates to most of you.  Take note, I did not just begin writing about the stages just because I watched the video. These are my thoughts in a relationship I’d like to pen down in hope I’d think otherwise in the future. Again, to those of you who are reading this, please, do not take it personally. I am not talking about you or myself. Or maybe if I am talking to myself, you will never know. That’s the fun of this site; nobody should know what fiction is and what is not.  So please, don’t spoil the fun. J

Stage #1 Boy meets girl

I guess this is the story where most that made it to their wedding days would be proud to share during their wedding toast. The classic story of boy meets girl and girl meets boy. From personal experience, this was the best moment for me; I tried to describe the feelings. But it was really hard not to quote Katy Perry, it was indeed, fireworks.

Stage #2 The Courtship

During the courting phase, we would somehow feel our heart flutters whenever we are out on a date with a knight that MAY BE just the one for us. I mean, we watch it in movies, right? My advice, a girl should have had it all before this phase ends, she should just demand the rights to more memories and more attention and more effort before the guy pops the question, “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Stage #3 Honeymoon

I suppose this is the stage where every couple enjoys or hopefully still enjoying. As for the men, it’s like getting a jackpot. The girl of their dreams is finally intertwining their hands together. I enjoyed my three months the most. I was a bad tempered woman but I was loved and cared for tremendously. I never knew how to appreciate it, until today. If you have no idea what this phase means. I guess you would know if you paid attention to how many hours you are hanging on the phone talking to that someone. You would know it, if you realized how many thousands of text messages you’ve sent to each other and some, maybe most of it are just one word answers and smiley faces because you are always at lost for words and you have to re-read your text several times just to know it’s to the right person.

Stage #4 Comfort Zone

It is sad that the honeymoon stage has to end. I’m sure many couples would agree with me that there should always be a way to turn back time and enjoy the first few stages again. Well, if you put effort in it, I don’t see why not. Comfort stage is not always bad, I mean it’s like what Serena would say on Gossip Girl, ‘’The three month mile stone, walk him through it” What she meant was, the fireworks were meant to dim a little, so you could see each other’s true colors. I guess this is the part where it terrifies a couple. One may be overly bad tempered and the other, has the ultimate ego that is almost indescribable? Just saying, again, not pin pointing anyone. But if you feel the same way, hey, put your hands up!

Stage #5 Tolerance & Compromise

Ah… the title says it all. Tolerance. Actually I beg to differ why Comfort Zone and Tolerance should be in two separate stages. I believe they are both related because there is no way one can go on in the comfort zone without learning to tolerate. However, back to my point, tolerance is a stage where you try to absorb and embrace each other’s flaws. Now this is not the time to be practicing your flair in flirtatious words to keep each other interested, but rather, learn to understand and help each other to keep that fire burning for each other despite the flaws that are slowly uncovering their nakedness.

Stage #6 Crossroad

I have no idea what to call this stage at first but I suppose Crossroad fits the puzzle. If a couple fails to tolerate each other or rather, to hold on to that seed of love that brought them to each other, they will be stuck in a phase where its either you break up, or you accept each other and get married. Now, hey, get married? Isn’t that nice?

Marriage is not a game of monopoly where you decide you should get there just because your dice tells you to. Marriage is a life-long commitment with its famous yet obvious quote, ‘till death do us part’

Marriage is a blessing when got bring two people together to do greater things-Jayeslee said this on Sonia’s wedding video, in which I fully agree with. Before we say our ‘I do(s)’, we ought to make sure. And take my word for it; you wouldn’t want your kids to suffer when things go down the wrong way.

What stage am I now? That’s for me to know. What stage are you? Be true to yourself. Sometimes deluding ourselves that the comfort zone would be a little bit more bearable isn’t that true. Sometimes it’s time to let go, but before you do, ask yourself, is that seed of love truly lost?

On another note, sometimes one tries so hard to save what she had before, but her partner wouldn’t. Should she let go? But she’s the only one who sees the seed while the other still comfortably sited in the comfort chair?

Sometimes, we’re just too close to love someone, you know?

Points to ponder in life indeed…

Image courtesy of Weddings-paradise.com

I've been watching a lot of romantic movies and proposal videos on Youtube lately. Not that I'm getting married anytime soon nor been proposed to yet, just feeling a little bit in the moment... Thus, here's what a young girl like me would dream about, silly me I know! But can't help it! :D

As much as I appreciate spontaneity, I would still want the proposal to be recorded-lah! :P So I have something to share with my kids when its their time! Hehe! * dreams *

I guess I've always been brought up simple, I don't need a fancy restaurant, but I've a fetish for table cloths, so a nice cosy place for dinner would be great!

I guess it's too much to ask but there are two main things that I'd really love to have for my proposal. Being a musically inclined person, I believe in expressing oneself through music. If my partner-to-be would sing me a love song, it would be so wonderful. I once fell in love with a man who sang me a really cheesy song by Adam Sandler. It's the heart that matters, and I know he meant every word of it...

Supposedly getting down on one knee gesture is the classic way of proposing. Personally, I take it as a sign that my soul mate is willing to let down his ego and guards and to open up his heart to love wholly. I don't fancy a huge diamond ring with the "4C" requirements but rather, the prepared heart to begin a life's journey with me.

On a separate note (has ZERO involvement to the proposal setting), despite my wild attitude and obviously over mediated person, I'm still very much a conservative girl. It would mean the world to me, if my partner-to-be has approached both my parents for permission. I always believed in parents' blessings, and that would lift the weight off my shoulders. However, most from our generation these days, often assume that marriage is only about "us against the world". To me, the world does revolve around us somehow, you can't deny it, and we should always honor the Commandment, "to honor our parents"

Image courtesy of Artofmanliness.com

Lastly, it would touch me deeply, if he were to recite the verse:-

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;
Love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;
It does not seek its own, does not take into account a wrong suffered;
Does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails, but now faith, hope love...
Abide these three;
But the greatest of these is love.




1 Chorintians 13:4-7,13.

Image courtesy of Wholeheartedministries

I once asked a man, why he knew he loved me. He opened the Bible and said, when he asked God about me, He gave him this verse, and that would be the most beautiful vow of all. 

 Picture taken at Central Park, BU, PJ.

5 days passed and he finally called. I am somehow afraid of technology. Through the Internet I know what he was doing and everything else. This is not about a cheating partner! But it would've been simpler if it was.. This is about me not being able to tap into his life, understanding and even joining him in doing what he likes or enjoys. To me, there are still too many gaps in this relationship that leaves me on the dotted line of insecurities.

I am not an expert in relationships. But after two years of being with someone, I would really expect to know more about that someone by now. Am I having high expectations? I really don't know, as far as I'm concerned, I don't think so. I want to be that someone in his life that when he thinks or hears about me, there's a sparkle just like how I would have for him in return. Forgive me if I sound as though I am trying to conquer his life, but I just want to matter.

I can feel the walls of our relationship cracking little by little everyday. But all I do is look forward to the more opportunities that we can spend time with each other. I'm not really sure if it is wise, but I was hold on to the fact that there is something called love that brought us together. Question is, is it still there or are we just lying to ourselves? If it's a lie, I really don't want to step out of this lie, if it is reality, I really am afraid of this reality.

I probably don't make sense at all in this post, but these are the questions that have been clouding me for several days now. Ever since I completed my internship, I just had so much time to think and to decide what I want to do in this new year, but matters like this, I can not afford to make a mistake. Am I in love or have we fallen out of love or have I been the only one falling in love every day?

Is a relationship really all about the 3 month mile stone where the honeymoon period ends and everything becomes dull and routine-like? Will I be able to commit my life to someone whom I seem to have run out of topics to communicate with? Or am I getting bored of this safe relationship and yearning for some hot juice drama?

It is all so blurry, thick and messy like a puddle of mud. I truly care for this person but I am unsure if it is a right choice. I am sick and tired of trying to have him be accepted by the family.

Most of all, I am tired because I feel all alone even though I am not alone. I feel loved yet unloved at the same time. I feel cared but abandoned.

Met up with a close friend of mine yesterday. If you have been following my blog since early 2008, then you should know the infamous, D by now. D came back from the States a few weeks ago and we finally had the chance to catch up, if you're reading this D, thanks for the coffee and yes I am still not used to Starbucks. Haha! :P

Good ol' D, always giving me space to share my thoughts and feelings, it wasn't long till we started talking about someone whom I use to know pretty well. Somehow it got me thinking tonight, of some things I have shared with this person. He used to be someone I could share my worries with when we were still in school and soon, one thing led to another. Unfortunately things turned ugly and we are no longer in touch. I remembered during those messed up times, there were exchange of words that one may not be able to move on...

However, I want to give credit to my darling even though he may not be perfect too, one thing that he did that made me realize for the past 2 years, is that when he set his eyes on me, he set his priorities straight too. I was once very insecure between him and his best friend, and he did all he could to assure me. That was something that we couldn't have back then, I always felt insecure. Its so different now with darling.

The future may seem shaky for me and my darling right now, but I sure am very glad that Z came into my life. Though I moved on pretty well before I met him, whatever we shared and still share is really so different, so fresh that I have no room to keep the past in mind. I thank God for taking control of things in my life, and knowing what's best for me. Even if there comes a day that we both may fall out of love (I hope not), I am just very contented with the memories I have of us in my heart and mind at this present state.

As for that someone I used to know, I pray that you will find love and that it will all work out for you. I still care and I always will, thank you for being a good friend when I needed one back then. I hope that one day, you can leave all the hate and anger behind and remember some of your old friends, and I sure would like to be one of them. :)

This is a night for me to again, count my blessing. I am very blessed with a pretty lame but loving darling, and a buddy who still listens to all my crap after all these years. :P

I've always been living in an unfair world. Well. I guess I made myself think that the world was unfair to me. As those of you who may have already known me, I carry with me lines and bulging eye bags of fatigue from worry and stress. Not forgetting that permanent frown I have across my forehead. I recently met someone, at first, I felt so irritated because she talks a lot about the past and I said to myself, I've got too much to worry about my future and the things that may take place the very next day, I don't have time for this.

But soon as I sat down to recall everything that she- Cindy has said to me in the few days that we have gotten close, it's like child's play, we met in a "sandbox" (college) and soon enough we were sharing Barbie (topics) and just somehow clicked. I soon got to realize that she's patiently reminding me that the world doesn't have to be that pitch black and cold all the time. Sometimes we just gotta learn to let go.

I could see the scars all over her face and I know she's been through her share of nightmares. I truly am happy and sometimes envious to see her at ease while I'm still battling with mine. But somehow I'm glad that she shares her past with me giving me courage to push on forward. Ever since Karen left, I never really had anyone to talk to about my feelings, and yes sometimes I really do feel like a turtle, it is so tiring to carry such a hard shell on my back when I'm really just so vulnerable on the inside.

When this new friend of mine told me that she's really looking forward to a long lasting friendship (she's been previously hurt by friends on several episodes) it somehow freaked me out a little because I've come so far in this journey alone. I once had a friend, and I depended too much on him that he had to leave me half way in hope that I would learn how to be independent. It has been so long since I have shared my emotions to anyone.

When I sat back and looked at all I have with me now, I realized how much I have neglected the people around me. I have been so headstrong with things in life, that I have failed to see past their needs. I was watching Glee just now, and when Rachel sang "The Only Exception" by Paramore to her boyfriend, she confessed that she should not have tried to control every inch of the relationship. It struck me that I am tired because I try to control everything on my plate.

I came home today, and I read the daily bread on Facebook. I thought I'd share with all of you,

“ Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. —Luke 12:32 ”

 I realize now that I have been very much a hypocrite. Sharing and telling that we should give all glory to Him, I have neglected the one simple thing He told us to do, "Cast all worries on Him" I pray that this renewed joyful heart would last, I pray that I will not turn back to look at the past when things don't go my way, because I know when I ask of Him, I will receive, maybe just not NOW, but I will when it is time.

Weird, I have no idea if I made sense in this post, but, yeh, mixed feelings. :)

I love you, big guy <3

Another year is about to begin.

I think of it as another stack of white piece of papers. It's gonna be up to us to paint it, write it, scribble it, throw it, mash it, whatever. Interesting isn't it?

Colour pencils and crayons,white sheets and papers. They paint them with passion, anger, sadness and joy. We've yet to see what He has painted for us. After each year, I sit down and ponder, that despite the many heartbreaks, I am grateful that I am still sitting here. But have I found true happiness?

Some have found theirs. In fact, those few seconds felt like their entire lives were hanging on a thin line...but when it was all said and done, the warm embrace of their love was enough a reward that would last them a life time. Congratulations to my dear brother:

A full post about this later....

Proposed 01/01/11

I've lost friends, I've gained a few. I miss the ones I lost, the ones I fail to save. I've failed goals, I've achieved some. It still breaks me to know that I failed what I failed. Do new year resolutions motivate us or push us too hard sometimes?

We busy ourselves just to stop thinking. We busy ourselves to stop hurting. We get replacements of everything and everyone. We just wouldn't stop. We don't know how to. We are afraid to. We are numb.

I'll be turning 21 this year. Another year has passed me by, and I'm starting to feel that life is short, and there's just so much I've yet to accomplish, but I don't know if I have the strength. Reading my poem for Jan 1, 2010, I had so much fire in me. Somehow, the flame's just a 'lil smaller now...

I look at myself, and the things I have, the things I own, the things I achieved, am I happy?

Lord, teach me to love myself and others.
Lord, tell me what do YOU want me to do for this new year.

Found a new interest in photography lately. Well, I've always loved photography, I just never took it seriously. Digital SLRs cost me a bomb, and I have no idea how far this will take me. Some close friends question, what about my passion in music? Well, it still is in me, but I guess I'm just trying to even it out a little and try to see what the other side of the world looks like and not just be a die hard singer who knows how to do nothing but only sing. After watching GLEE and somewhat, I just start to doubt myself that I don't see myself ever becoming a singer anything like that level...

Studying Mass Communication requires us to take up the Photo Communication class. I'm all excited about it. Speaking of which, studying Mass Comm is something so much more enjoyable than whatever I've tried to do before. But hey, let's get real. I am not the Mass Comm industry type. Will this course change me? I don't know, I'm taking baby steps to see what He provides for me in the near future.

So yep, I'm looking forward to taking more artistic photos and not be a phoDOH as described on LAMEBOOK. Haha!

Ever since we got together, money had always been a factor for the both of us. We never really questioned each others expenses. Somehow we just worked hard and got whatever we both wanted. This year, I pretty much achieved everything that I wanted. But what that really made my day were these Converse.

My sturdy PUMA finally gave its way in the middle of Christmas shopping this year. A gift from mom and brother two years back. My one and only sport shoes that has served me well throughout the earlier chapters of my college days.This year, mom and my sister and brother in law, Josephine and Winston Tan contributed to my new sport shoes, this time HP. Hushiee Puppies baby! :D

I had always hated Converse. I never liked the idea of the plastic looking front. I find the style very stupid. However, ever since I met Z, he loves Converse so much that he'd still wear his old OVER worn out pair until today. I've decided to give Converse a shot, and of course, I rewarded him with a brand new pair for Christmas for being such a wonderful boyfriend in the past one year.

When I snapped a picture of them shoes, I laughed. People come up with couple tees, couple mobile phone accessories, couple pendants, couple cups, couple purses and wallets but couple shoes? Hahahaha, this is seriously something new to me.

May this gift be a kick-start to our 2nd year relationship in 2011 :)

I had a conversation with a friend the other night, just before Christmas. I'm so very happy to see her enjoy her freedom now in the US. I was telling her about the presents I'm contemplating to buy or bought for my family members and she suddenly exclaimed, "I hate Christmas!" I was startled at first, but I soon began to understand why...

"...because everyone focuses on the presents and not the real meaning", she said. I explained that Christmas is all about loving and we express our love and care through gifts just like how the wisemen did on Christmas day when baby Jesus was born.

However, on Christmas day when I received a text message that my brother did not manage to get me a gift. I sulked all day and whined about it. Today it hit me, do gifts really matter? Looking back, it doesn't really matter, because the smile and the laughter and the joy we shared on that night, that very day, looking at them thanking God because you've bought them just the right gift because they couldn't afford it or never dreamed of having, just wipes away all those selfish thoughts.

I suppose that is how Jesus wants us to remember Christmas? He came to this world to give us a gift, and this gift was His life... as for us who are now still living on Earth, I suppose loving each other and sharing the Gospel is what should be our priority.

Merry Christmas Karen, you've opened my eyes to yet another perspective in life. Happy Holidays!

When reality hits me hard, and I need a good laugh, there's always someone who makes me go rolling and FOREVER on Google Talk. And I mean, FOREVER. Period.

We are two random buddies who can talk shit and go emo within 40 seconds. :P

This particular conversation begun like this:

Charmaine: Sigh, I see lovers around me, so lovey! Tagging each other in statuses.
Weisern: LOL same case lar, my best friend no longer like my post or status anymore.
I feel kinda weird actually, emo moments....
I miss those days..


Charmaine: Hmm ok. I actually meant that I don't get to be so lovey despite having a boyfriend,
but OKAY...

Weisern: Yea lar, sometimes those little things are what that matters most.

Charmaine: Aww Weisern, if only you were the man of my dreams...

And we both went :

ROFLMAO/LMFAO/LOL/ROFL/HAHAs


Yes, this is a random post.
Other readers may not understand this, but hey, you know who you are when you're reading this and that's all that matters!

Weisern, this post is dedicated to you, may you not feel left out though you're in India, and in some ways, thank you for being such a nice online buddy!