Missing

To those who've read my previous post "Dance with my father again" I guess this is the next part of it. Ever since I've disappointed him, I worked real hard to get back up again. But I'm not sure if I did get back up again because he speaks so little to me now. Lessons are demotivating me lately. I dread to go to class because it doesn't inspire me as how it used to? He said he has taught me all he knows and it's up to me to work on it. These days I attend lessons, and when I sing something wrongly, he's ask me, "What do you think was the mistake?" It's so monotonous, I walk in, I sing, he asks me the same question, I sing again and goodbye.

I added extra lessons last month during my semester break. I wanted to mend the crack between us both. To no avail unfortunately. I hear more about him through my sister instead. I think this daddy of mine is distant from me now too. I'm sorry for everything I've caused really. I just wanted you to see me for me. I depended on you too much perhaps. I know you want me to come up on my own but I feel as though I'm hanging in the air.

I appreciate the prayer you prayed for me. I always remember that prayer whenever I feel afraid to stand on stage to sing. I don't enjoy working for the choir this time around though, because I don't see the excitement in you. I miss you very much. You used to talk to me about the excitements of work you've accomplished and succeeded. Your music journey that lights up my path. I wish we could talk more like how we used to. I wish we could work on more songs. My exam doesn't mean it's over for me and you, it's just a paper that proves my abilities. I want to work more songs with you. Duets... playing the piano.

Each time I walk into your studio, I want to tell you so much, I want to ask you so much about music but everytime I face you, I see those tired eyes of yours. I don't know if you're tired tired or I tire you down. I'm really hanging in the air now. I don't know how am I. I know I should have confidence in myself, but it's worth alot more how you see it in me... It's getting harder for me.

The remedy from it all is missing...don't you realise it?