Lost

I've been reading updates about Yi Jien through this blogger I found lately. I don't understand. This prayer chain we started seemed to go on fine and God answered all our prayers but Yi Jien's. To those of you who recently joined this prayer chain, please take note that it is not only for CF but for Yi Jien's safety and each and the welfare of each and everyone of us.

I recalled not able to sleep one night and I was just browsing through the web till I decided to Google about YJ. I found quite a bit about his current status and his family. No, I do not know him personally, but ever since I found out about it, I worried along. Auntie Kim Guat was one of the first few people I knew at church back then... Mom broke the news to me not too long ago when she came home from church, she too was near tears, she told me she knows how it feels because she's lost a son before. Yes, a brother of mine, Howard.

I couldn't sleep and I was still chatting with M online and I really would like to extend my thank you to you M, for being with me in this prayer chain without hesitation. I read many of Auntie Kim Guat's e-mails and I am amazed to see how well she is coping with and how much faith she has. It was then I recalled the e-mail I read from A about our camp, if we think it's not going to work, pray more.

Yes indeed, the power of prayer. There are so many things I do not understand. Yeah, I don't even know why am I worrying over YJ though I've never met him. But when we're one body in Christ, it doesn't matter who you are and where you're from. Mom didn't want to attend the prayer Uncle Chai had for YJ because she was worried I couldn't drive well at night from JieGuan's house. I insisted on it though, because that's all we can do and I believe that is what God wants us all to do, pray and believe in Him.

Frankly, I am rather broken faithed about what's been going on. YJ... my music... my studies... my future...friends..family... but the question is, at such a time as this do we doubt God or choose to believe in Him?

I have experienced the power of prayer for my own need. And I have seen how it drifted as I doubted Him. I regret it till this day. I don't know... I repent really... I wish I never doubted him, perhaps things would be different for me, perhaps I could see the world better. It hurts, but we'll just have to keep praying, because that's the only thing we can do when it hurts so bad you can't sleep at night... hey but who am I to say about this when the family involved is hurting much more than I am? Sometimes I wish I knew what God is thinking... and sometimes I wish we'd all be able to cherish one another better