My feelings

I'm very happy to hear that my blog posts have encouraged and comforted those who needed it. It is rather joyful to hear people actually quoting what you typed and actually felt. But then, life is just so ironic sometimes, my posts seem to be consoling others instead of myself. For many weeks now, I have kept Alicia Keys's latest debute - Superwoman in my head to push myself forward.

I kept telling myself I can do it, I'm okay, it will be alright soon, it won't be long till you come around etc. Am I giving myself false hope? I don't know really. I am trying my level best now to be a person whom when I'm breaking down, no one will notice and no one will be able to penetrate into how I really feel.

This blog page of mine used to be something private, little did I know it became something going. I feel exposed but then again at least it was worth it to hear the comments and feedbacks from my fellow readers. It tells me something though, when I'm in a mess, I'll just have to go on and wear my vest, embrace myself and find the strength in me.

Last night was a terrible night for my sleep, my head ached so badly thinking something that I shouldn't be thinking. I regretted not making it even more clear in "Bohemian Rhapsody" post because the words I heard kept haunting me. Kept coaxing me to reflect the past, I refused, I fought with my own mentality instead. It was a tough battle and I have not won it yet, but it sure is wearing me down. Honestly, I just want to live my life, I just wish they would understand that I am over it but as strong as I am, I am still tender on the inside.

I know they wouldn't understand in depth as I wanted them too because they are in the middle of me and the other person. They can stand on his side all they want, just let me live my life. I wish that someday they would just turn around and see me at my breaking point. See me for me. I realise that I am more human than I thought I was. Not humane but human ~~ mortal. It's not just putting two and two together or subtracting two from where it started. It's the consistency of you guys feeding me with words, news, thoughts of what he said. I begged you to stop, but neither of you heard me.... neither of you