The CNY eve

Tonight, mom called from work. I could tell that she's tearing throughout the conversation. Trying so hard not to yell her feelings out. As for I, I'm tired of listening to all the complains. I feel her pain and the most pain was that I could do nothing to help. I can try to learn how to do the laundry, change the tires, cook good meals, make lame jokes... but there are still so many things I fail to do. I want to make everybody happy. I want to say yes to everybody's wishes... and no matter how hard I try, I just fail to be that person I wish I could be.

I'm a type of person who's versatile in the most awkward way. I can go out partying, I can go out doing everything I wanted. I go out showing skin of not worrying about anything. I really wish I am that person, with nothing to worry about, nothing to want, nothing to need. Just to care for others. So tell me, why when everyone else is happy and celebrating this new year tonight, and I'm sitting here wishing there'd be a phone call for me giving me comfort assuring me that even though it sounds impossible, everything's going to be alright?

Tell me, why am I at such state of emotion on this joyous night?

I quote a personal message from my friend; "for the night has been unkind...

Allow me to finish it on my own repetoire...

Doth for the night has been unkind,
Everything her little heart seeketh,
Perishes deep with drapes of darkness,
Reality stabs into her very soul,
Eagerly pushing her way beyond her limits,
Seeking her every ounce of energy and womanhood,
Secluding her pain when day strikes,
Inflicting a character she does not wish to play,
On a stage she never would step foot on regardless of the fame,
Never ending story as so it seems now, where is the end of all this pain?

Let me know if you noticed how I felt tonight...