Bloated

Life has been really hard lately. Ever since the year started, ever since whatever I planned for this year begun, I feel that life has no meaning at all, its just plain rough work, work till you drop. I find it very difficult to control my emotions lately, and I snap rather easily too. I tried to joke it off, cool off the situation with my surrounding people, but its getting harder as the day goes by. It's as though, I'm running out of jokes. You know what I mean?

Whenever mom leaves, I turn into a beast, trying to run the household properly, getting everyone to do their part of their responsibility. Well, it doesn't work anymore, and I'm always left with the chores. I turn to the right, there's a pile of clothes unfolded, I turn to the left, I see ants marching up to a dirty plate, I look out the window, the curtains are dusty and worst off mom's beloved garden was dying. How much can I do in a day and not forgetting my own personal heavy workload to deal with?

Every morning I get up and told myself, be professional, be ethical, be realistic. Yeah, but who am I kidding? I doubt I can hold out any longer cos it's starting to destroy me. I sweat cold sweat every few minutes, I'm so anxious over everything, at home I practically walk about with a rag to wipe dust. What's wrong with me?

There are bills to pay, a house to clean, a mouth to feed and its not mine. Living on one meal a day or less I guess. I just can't seem to find the time to care for myself anymore. When will this end I really don't know, and sometimes I wonder am I driving myself to this near suicide?