Havoc

Today, I've decided to let the conductor do it on his own. I came up with a little white lie and told him I would not be coming. Yep, they wasted half an hour and ignored the poor boy. However, those reading this blog may not agree with the wasted half an hour part but take it or leave it, you know that's not how it would've been in the usual days despite the amount of people present.

Okay, after much confusion and frustration, we got the choir working. I was quite disappointed because I wanted to start on the Medley today but then all these unnecessary stuff just kept popping up. Alright, I was still satisfied with the progress. Got to lunch, hah! That's when forget anemia or whatsoever, they just wiped out all the blood in me.

I don't really want to get into details about it but I am sick and tired of their selfishness. Really, of all people going against me, are those whom I spent months toiling with and getting crap from them till the day they made success in November 15th 2008. Respect? Forget it. I've never done anything that unorganized before. I could've sworn I made sure I informed all the necessary committees that may be clashing with my practices. I certainly did not train that particular committee to do whatever they just did today.

I wanted to lecture Jieguan. But what's the point? It's done. You won, all of you. I'm tired of fighting, I fought for you last year, and I am facing my consequences now. Yet, I thought that this is a blessing from God that despite what I have to face this year, with my insane schedule, I get to do what I love doing, music. But what is it to them? They just think its funny to come and go anytime they liked. Typical of them.

My mom said something really true that night. "Maine, you're not doing this because its a job you hired with your certs or education, you're doing this because you love music, but look at you, I see you getting heartbroken more than you gaining the sense of satisfaction that you should be getting"

I want to say, I'm tired. I would use the word "resurrect" because no one has seen how I speed on the highway yet. But I have been doing that for the past few months last year. I faced life and death alone. But doing it for choir now, it was fun, its something I love doing. Music is my life, I breathe music. But there is no music when the people making music treats you like trash.

I really love plunking notes for the past few weeks figuring out here and there. I love what I did, I love what we all had, I love tackling a person's problems, I love having to understand their difficulties in grasping melodies, I love being nothing but the person who finds the root of the problem and providing a solution for music. Tell you the truth, when they sang in harmony, it was pure, clean, fresh, air.

But a choir is not a one man show. Same goes to those who were involved in the camp last year, there's no one man show in anything like this. But look at the decisions you guys are taking?

You know whats funny? I had a friend who said he didnt want me to go through what hell I've gone through last year this time. I was really touched by his words because I thought he understands. Sadly, the person who said it, is the right arm of the people who are causing me endless episodes of upsets. Did you really mean what you said? Or you merely meant it out of a gesture of mannerism and whatever I felt and faced is just nothing to you?