Dominating

Tonight I came home after another long day of working with the choir. Hell yeah, so much for telling me to shut up, everyone just went haywire. It's as though, it's a fun thing? And then I realised, that I was wrong. It is my job, yes, but it's just an activity to them. So yeah, I shouldn't compare them with professional work.

First thing's first, they are awesome people, they make music with the bits and pieces of everybody's random talents and combine it together, it's just amazing when it comes to working out parts. We'd get all headache-y and then annoyed and stuff and joke about. That's life, I like that.

The first thing I did when I got home just now was to play up everything we worked out just now. I admit that I am a lousy pianist, so I had to work out every chord, I'm not as talented as those I worked with today. Sigh! I really admire their skills... But as I worked for about an hour, it sinks into me that it may have been because of me, that I have not done what a proper guide would have done, I am after all still immature in the vocal field. I may be the root of our prolonging problems...

Training them has no more been fun. And turning into a dominating mode only scares me reminding me how hard I tried for the cf last time. I really want to call it quits now, but I don't want to be known as irresponsible either. I would miss out on my passion to working on music and to exploring each other's unique voices, but it's no more fun if it means I'll have to be that beast I tried so hard to vanish.

It's just too straining, and everybody's got their own reasons and problems. I could hold it in and compromise a few times, but I am just too tired.