As the watchful eyes fades...

I could not drive, so I parked at the side to view a proper summary of what life has hit me just. As I hesitated at the mall, you gave me hope, as my knees weaken to step into the alley, you told me its gonna be alright. I took your word for it as I pass through that black curtained alley, groping in the dark I told myself that something good might happen tonight. Perhaps I've been into misery far too long and its time for something new. The minute it started, I was cold. You came. Three fires blazed and it was the start of my torment.

There's nothing for me to deny the fact that I relied on you a lot. However, I finally knew the main purpose of my coming tonight. It's time for me to face the music of the fact that the dusty road awaits my footsteps to the beginning of a new chapter being alone. I knew it as soon as you left at such a perfect moment. Leaving me behind when I needed you most. An act of training I suppose or perhaps you were caught in the middle for so long you didn't know what to do?

I get the picture you've been trying to give me lately. You've made it really clear that its time for me to leave and be gone. I'm timid still but I could feel that my heart is much stronger as the days come but why make it strong to break it once again? I have no one to blame for my trembling in your arms whenever I'm down. Tonight, is far much harder for me to act alright with two arrows shooting at me at once. One from him and now you. I am sorry I disappoint you and I acted like a child. I am sorry for clinging on to you. Never have expected it to hurt that way when you said its time for the closing chapter.

You have never disappointed me once. Though at times I may say it foolishly. I never hated you, in fact, I love you. Many times, words were never necessary for you to understand how I feel. As a result, I can't help it, perhaps the wound is still fresh. You told me once she left you offbalanced and you would not want that to happen to me. Well dear, sometimes its not because someone left you for other friendships but for sake for sake, in my case, you're just teaching me to become independent. Trying to mend my broken wing in hope that I will fly again. But I feel so small everytime I attempt to.

I don't know if I should've allowed this chapter of life to begin at all because it sure hurts a lot more than I expected. It is not merely 2 weeks like you mentioned. It was a wake up call for me instead. Usually I'd leave before I get any weaker or fall any deeper, but this time, it was as though the last bar of a piece was ended with an imperfect cadence, leaving it hanging without a proper ending nor a proper feeling. You wanted to walk me out, I wish I could complete that walk with you, I really do, but the piercing wound was bleeding so badly that I had to run away from it all. As I backed away from you, I stepped on a puddle of ashes, which was when I wished it would've been almost perfect if only I was at X-spot when the bonfire ceremony begun.

The chapter has ended and given me the same outcome. As to not have anyone in my life again and to continue this journey of leech-like misery, sucking me up till there is not a part of me left.

Perhaps I'll hear from you or perhaps I'll not. I sung you a song indirectly the other night. I dedicate that phrase to you now as a sign of gratitude which I will never be able to repay:

Taylor, the latte boy,

Bring me java, bring me joy,

Taylor the latte boy...