Growing up isn't the easiest part of life but I don't suppose anyone is given a choice. For the past few months of internship and my last semester, juggling it all was my life's worst nightmare. I've come so far and this is the end of my semester, and somehow I felt that I did not do my best for my last two papers. I wish the fire in me did not die just a few days before having it all, but it's too late to turn back time now. I can only pray that my results are acceptable for the degree that I have always wanted...in which now, I'm not so sure if I want it anymore.

Despite what I have not learned throughout these past few months, but what I have learned, would be that life is a game of gamble. I have come to realize that in this world, you don't get candy for free. Every thing has a price to pay. Throughout my experience, a taste of what my career would be in the near future, debts are a high price to pay, and debts are the way to get around things. It isn't always on your side to play the "friend" card to get your way through.

I suppose this blog post is rather vague. But what I am trying to say is that I guess I have grown up a little more now. As I step into the world of adulthood, it scares me some times to actually realize what an animal world we live in. As cruel as it sounds, I sometimes fear because you'll never know who is truly your friend. I've been through the most difficult times in the past few months, and it was something that I would never forget. To actually go through so much emotional stress that it has became physical.

As we grow up, there are more responsibilities that we carry on our shoulders, and it's never easy. There's no turning back. When I stepped into the world of lies, my skin turned white out of shock. I once stepped into a world that I had to surrender my soul to the Devil. The Demons in there were out there to get you, watching you, and just waiting for the right time to get you. But I must say that God is amazing. The many fire pots I was put into, He saved me. Even though I never thought I would know myself again, I got out of it and I survived. He taught me that growing up is not going to be a joyride. It's going to be quite a ride, rather. And tomorrow, I have another battlefield to finish to pay off my "debts", one of the things I learned, is to never pull out that "friend" card just because I can. And as I walk out there to sell my soul to the Devil the second time, I hope that I would read this post again some time later and know that I survived yet again by the grace of God and that I would have grown up a little more again.

Image retrieved from: http://www.thelocalpoker.com/wp-content/uploads/14_4_orig.jpg

Life is very much like a round of poker, and Aces don't always come your way. Just don't meet the Joker.

photo taken by me! =)

God's faithfulness are new every morning. Flowers wither but His love and faithfulness never will! I've been through a lot ever since I left Seremban, and ever since dad left. No matter how hard the road have been, despite the many times I thought that I wouldn't make it, I made it through a number of things through His strength. I'm almost through this huge mountain, Lord, I will trust in You!

photo taken by me again! =)

I thank God for giving me this wonderful church to serve in. Despite the distance, I believe He has a plan for me. This church has been a training ground for me to get back on my feet and continue battling spiritual warfare. Lord, thank You for letting me serve You. This is my first church that I've served in for a good two years after 3 years of church hopping. And not forgetting, that the Lord has blessed me with my other half. Thank you Jesus!

photo taken by me :P

I lost some friends, and I met some. I know that the Lord has never forsaken me. I'm very blessed to know the above two. Despite our differences, we actually got along pretty well. It has been a great blessing with their willingness to help, comfort and sharing and not forgetting the countless fits of laughter. Thank you girls for being there for me. :)

A friend who would send me everywhere and wouldn't mind dipping her feet into slimy waters.

A friend who would jump, run, squeeze for my photo shoot requirements! Sweats and trips but never complains :)

 Of course, not forgetting the one, I've truly been blessed with for the past two years and still counting...

<3

Despite the many troubles we've faced, it all depends on which road we decided to take, and the consequences we have to face. The journey mom and I have been through and still going, wouldn't have been possible without His love and guidance. And I am very blessed to have a mother who understands, cares, and lets me tease like a friend! Hehe!

We're almost there, mee!

A friend of mine shared this video with me last night :

I've been through a lot, despite the hurts and disappointments, I am truly blessed. :)

Here's a verse that I would like to share on this occassion,

"Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and He saveth them out of their distresses.
He sent His word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. KJV Psalm 107:19-20" 

P/S: I know my photography skills still suck, but I'm tryinggggg!!


Count your blessings! =)

I cooked scrambled eggs with capiscium!

I also cooked my usual spaghetti bolognaise the other day, but this time with spinach spaghetti noodles. I don't quite like it, but it was worth a try.....and healthy

Not forgetting pork balls to go with 'em!

Maybe Buritos next ? :)

We've been through years of struggle,
Countless wars and pains,
Just a few more leaps,
And we're there,
We're almost home


The lines on your face and hands,
Reminds me who I am ,
And who am I to become,
The veins on your arms,
Tells me what a mother you are,
We're almost home


No matter how the world sees us,
You kept me strong,
Even when you're weak, you gave m e strength,
Whenever we gave up,
We laughed it off and kept pushing forward,
We're almost home.


It has been hard,
It gets harder as the day goes by,
But it's all worth it when I'm with you,
You gave me hope in the midst of disappointments,
Like a toddler learning how to walk,
You guided me,
We're almost home.


I believe our race for happiness is almost here,
Just need to win this race,
I worry for you,
And you worry for me,
Lord please keep us both save,
Mum, we're almost home.

A friend of mine told me, that she didn't want to sacrifice her time participating in any sidekick roles for a play. As I was hearing this, I reflected on a lot of things. Back when I first came to Banting, I felt that every one's wasting my time. I felt that I deserved better. Then when my pastor gave me a chance to serve, I felt that they should all listen to me when I coach voice, because I'm doing it for free. It wasn't long till I got into trouble, misunderstandings and arguments with the ministry. I was pretty disappointed because I felt that I did not fit in with the crowd. I even stopped serving for a couple of months because I thought that this church wasn't meant for me anymore.

As I spent those few months down there as part of the congregation, I realized how great our God is, He can make use of us anytime and also use someone else whenever we think we are too great for something. When I stopped coaching voice and serving, the team went on week after week. Then I realized that I'm not so great after all.


You know, sometimes we tend to overlook the minor roles in life. I met another pastor's daughter last week and I asked her, 'Do you serve in your church?' she humbly replied, 'Yes, I'm just an usher' In most churches that I have been to ( I'm not generalizing) , most pastor's kids have a certain responsibility or role to play in church. But this is my first time hearing a Pastor's child saying, "I'm just an usher". I was touched by her humbleness to serve in such manner, a person who did not want much of a name but just humbly serving God by welcoming people at the door every Sunday.

It was then I figured, it's not the talents that God has given us made us great, but its the heart that we have, that servant heart to serve Him and His people. We can have all the talents in the world, but if we think too much of ourselves and our sacrifices, we are not serving in proper manner. It's just when Jesus took those beatings for us before He was nailed upon the cross, what if He thought of Himself being a Son of God and did not deserve such sacrifice? If the lady thought much about her sacrifice, then she wouldn't have broken her most expensive alabaster jar to wash Jesus' feet. Our Father takes into account of every little thing we do despite how small the role may be. Thank You Father for enlightening me once again. :)

Nightmares and morningmares,
You can attack me whenever you want,
But you'll never succeed,
Because my God is great and the Almighty,
What do you have to compare to rule over me?
You may whisper words in my mind and heart,
Whenever I'm alone I know you are near,
But the one next to me isn't you,
My Abba Father is always next to me,
Always IN me.
So get out of my house,
Get out of my head,
Get out of my mind,
In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ,
The Lord who has loved us enough to give up His own son,
I rebuke you, evil one,


Dear God,
Whisper me sweet words of comfort and strength,
I know You'll never leave me,
I know there would only be one pair of footprints in the sand,
You will be carrying me home and to safety.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. It is not His will for us to know what He has planned for us in our lives. We have to seek Him at all times and carry on this journey called- life along with His guidance. It has been years of pain and turmoil. Arguments and bitter tongues that numbed my brain and soul and to the very core of my heart.

Till I see Him face to face, it is my destiny to hand my future in His hands. I encourage all of you, to not carry your burdens alone. I have done so for many years now, and I am older than my age. When I sang this song last week- "Till I see You" by Hillsong, I felt a load of burden in my heart. It was so heavy it was suffocating. I could not sing, it was as though you were living but you are actually dead. I felt restless and I could not sing. I felt heavy.

As I sang it again and again, I asked God, "God!! Where are You? Help me!" I cried out to Him in my heart. And then it was as though it was just a bad dream, the heaviness in my heart left me. I knew at that point that I was given a lesson to be still and know that He is our God Almighty. And we cannot do all things without Christ, because it is Christ that will strengthen us. (Philippians 4:13 )

It is indeed a storm that I am facing in reality. A storm that I doubt my faith in the sea. Just as the fishermen woke Jesus up because they had such little faith in the sea despite the fact that Jesus was with them. God uses different people in different situations. I've had friends who were with me in the past recent years, that have left me now. But I know He has plans for me and my family and the promised freedom is on its way.

With what little faith I have I say, give glory to Him. Give honour to Him; because the branch that you want to hold on to in times like this, would be the hand of God.

Let us trust in Him and live a child in awe of Him each day. Have a great week ahead! :)