Mom left on Thursday night. I juggled my time on Friday. I was let off early by my lecturer at one pm. But since I promised J and A I'd send them home too, I waited for their class to finish at four. Finally, we could leave, as I exit the car park, a Vios knocked me from the back. And then I knew, that one portion of hell has just begun. When the car knocked me, honestly, I was panicky, but no one was there to help me. Yes, I was not driving alone in my car, but I was alone if you know what I mean. I got down, not daring to view my car damages, I walked over to the culprit's to inspect his and guess mine out from there. His was horrible. Front left light smashed, front left body crushed in like a carbonated drink can. What's left of mine?

I dared not even take a look. I questioned him his intentions of settlement. Yet he merely said "Its okay lah I'll settle my own one" I find these brats rather insufferable. "I don't care how you settle yours, I want to know how you're going to settle mine" Together we walked to my car and inspected my damages. By the grace of God it was not a very major issue but it was major in the fact that my car's only 5 months old or so. I looked up hoping someone would voice something and stand up for me as well. But no one was saying anything to defend me. I was left all alone to defend myself and my rights. By the time I got into my car, I was shaking, but no one would care. No one said any words of comfort to me....not until I met A at his hostel block, and he calmed down a litlte bit.

Sometime's life is just so funny. You think you know a person well but then you don't really know in the end. Not too many days ago, a lecturer from my college and her husband and son died from a car crash on the exact road I take to college every single day. How was I suppose to feel? I was mortified. My foot tapping the accelerator is like a life and death decision everytime now. The question is, who's going to be there for me even if I do die in a car crash?

I got home. I called an Uncle from church. He came just two minutes after I arrived home. Sometimes I feel that certain friends are more family to me. I was just hurting too much. I settled whatever I could and resided on my desk. I was online, and Mandy and Xinyi came by to pick me up for a trip to the night market nearby. Everything was calm and peaceful, I thought that by nightfall good will return to my life. What could we have expected when M lost her purse in the middle of the market? Frantic hit me like buzzed wires... we searched high and low rounds after rounds... my head was spinning whizzedly. Mandy gave up. I gave up. We all didn't know what to do.

But let this be a testimony from me and Xinyi. When we were both hunting our pathways for the purse, we said, "God, do something, this can't be a bad day for her too. It's just way too unfair." Seeing M in despair we were utmost concerned. M dropped X to my home and left to her solace. As I dashed out of home with my purse and drove X out of my garden, the only thing we could do was to think of buying M a new purse and try to retrieve whatever that can be replaced most easily first. However, along the way, M called and said a good samaritan delivererd her purse home to her.

Didn't I tell you that God answers prayers?

X and I were starving and we settled down at a Mamak stall Jieg took me last time. Then awhile, Pauline, Jared and the rest of the youths came along. No, Jieg wasn't there if D's wondering whether he was. X and I ate and chatted, then it was my turn on deja vu again. I left my purse at home after all. I was tired, after the scene today at college. I drove Xinyi home and couldn't risk driving back without a license knowing I might just be the next culprit and I wont have a license to show.

I am very grateful Xinyi despite her fatigue, drove me all the way back to my home and returned to hers. I ditched my car at her place for the night.

This night I couldn't sleep. But I was grateful nothing happened to X. It was some kind of a game of bad luck. That just kept bowing its arrows on us...

She leaves tonight. I am rather nervous and weak to know what responsibility that lies ahead. 24 hours a day will no longer be enough. Catching up on my own load of work yet cleaning after my own dear granny. I'm not here to complain, just a tad of worry seep through my breath... because I have been very exhausted for the past two weeks and I do not know why. Is this another episode of depression? If so, what is this about? I really do not know.

As I clear that monthly stack of bills, as I clear after the mess from her meals, as I finally sit down and savor a moment of peace, food will no longer be on my list. My bed is my home, my privacy is my joy. I satisfy everybody's needs and wants for this period of time again as how I did previously when she left, but I just don't know how much energy I can put in.

The floors are waiting to be mopped. The dishes to be done. The bread storage to be filled. The breadspread needed to buy for her daily consumption. Checking on her from time to time. Checking on the accounts and making sure all bills are paid. I recall the last time this happened, I really hadn't the time for a meal till the day my stomach groans in agony. I'm trying to cope, of course with a little more hope, but who's going to be there for me when I'm all exhausted and not able to complete the tasks here at home? Who's going to call home for me to check on granny?

Worry,worry,worry, it has just begun, and I'm already hoping for the end...

Man born out of dust and plain dirt,
But revolutionized to only plaster a smirk,
Leaving one another not love,
But disappointments that engrave,
Resulting streams of tears farther than railway tracks,
Because it costs the world to resume from a crack,
What more if lies within the soul?

Through many toils,
We are who we are,
Yet you chose to be the one to injure,
Little gifts of detriment,
You crushed my hope that you would see,
Maybe at least care for the pain.

Each breath sucked in with broken promises,
Illness caught up within my pore,
Sending me shrills of heat and ice,
Taking in all of me like lice,
Tell me when will you notice,
Not even till the day I cure.

Warning bells ring,
You beg me to sing,
Though romance is not what is discussed,
To you I am just a fling,
That you know I would allow you to cling.

A stranger knows me better within days,
I have been with you beyond grays,
Yet, you see me as though I am a stray,
The insensitivity and blissful aura you play
Leaving me omitted from where your heart and mind lay.

Fatigue overwhelmed me as I worked around the clock,
Sometimes I wonder why I suffer,
Relations asked me why I bothered,
Simply I only said,
It is a bill I have yet to pay,
The obstacle or the fee for me to cross over,
Because I am finally sober.

They aren't just mere recognitions,
The price I pay for all the challenges,
Comes with a mighty amount of pain,
But the sweet surrender are those diplomas,
Carrying them home to bring a smile on her face.

I detest everything she wished for,
But the years in my life taught me otherwise,
A duty of care I owed my mother's love,
I want ot make her feel worth it,
With the mound of my success in stored,
Though I may tire for the rest of my days,
If giving up comfort and rest is all it takes,
I do it for her,
In hope that she knows my intentions.

Sand flowing through the funnel,
As I strive along the tunnel,
I recall faint memories of being here once,
Only this time it was no longer for solace,
But mere chance of victory,
To grant me the joy that I deserved.

Many doubts and fears I carry with me,
It is the only path to lead me home,
You have taken everything I ever wanted,
Though I pleaded for mery you never granted,
You made my heart sore,
Now this is the remedy for the core.

Love me not and you shall never,
For I was the fool and you were the clever,
I am grateful for the presence of others,
They warmed me up when you snatched my covers,
I shall be the sculptor of my life,
For I am no longer your wife.

I am ready now,
To allow this bitterness to depart from my soul,
Because the stench is getting rather foul,
I want my life back,
May you bless me back on track.

Today, D told me that they are planning to have the camp as a tradition from now on. I'm really touched. Never will I forget the reasons for returning, for going through that hassle. There were so man reasons to begin with. I recovered from my misery because of the help of those few who were in the committee, and it was something I could do in return. Secondly, I abused my powers when I was the president, it was time to fix it. As for J, I left him hanging for 8 months and I was responsible for that.

When I heard news G left them. When I tried to get out of the pain from G, I chose to haunt him. Haunt him till I'm over myself for him. I chose to serve God and pray for him despite how much I was hurt. Look at me now, I am truly happy. He, he's just another chapter that I'm done with. And its a moment where I knew that my friends and family would stick up for me.

They wanna make it a tradition, my prayers would be with them. Now, I live a life knowing how it hurt to be disappointed and abused by someone whom was once yours, instead of allowing it to pull me down, I want to make use of this experience and care for those who needed to be cared for. Why? Because you guys were there for me too.

I love all of you

Let this be a tradition for all of us, spread the love, spread the care, spread the comfort, cos you can help avoid spilling blood. I've been there, I know.

Muacks!

It was the Kidz Explosion, a Christmas programme held by Jonathan's church on the 23rd of December in which I signed up to help like two months before..hehehehe

Cute right? Like sesame street... by the way, the one at the most bottom ain't a puppet, just so you know. Hahaa

See? Kids!!

Kids again!! They even took over worship!

This cute little handsome drummer... eee he makes my heart beat in rhythm *winks*

(I know, I always say I hate kids, but aren't they adorable?)

But wait......those are just the nice pics..........

Two situations here. One big kid who wants to big a kid still ( the kneeling down one) hehe
The big guy back there being bullied by the younger one...kids nowadays.. mengganas

Cowboy carol for christmas? Yeeeeeehaaa!!! lol

Ah, our handsome prince, the MC of the day!! pfffttt!!(must give him credit lah rite? he's got higher chances of reading my blog)

See these two mascots? Jonathan nearly tricked me into being the female one. You bad bad boy!

But they are so cuteeeeeeeeeee..... they let out alot of air during the party...if you know what I mean. hahaha

Check out the pastor groovin babeh!

Oh no! The youths are taking over...they can't take it knowing their old anymore!

Woah........I thought Jon wouldn't wanna groove. woohoo... check them all out wriggling eh? =.=

Pastor decided to get off his chair and join in too...too bad I had to snap this pics..else I'd be one of those "pairs" out there XD

The big kid --- Rodger..

Wanna quote me pulak.. instead of saying "say wha" he said......


"Talk to hand lady!"

Foine!!

Of course food was one of the agenda in which J came in time rather conveniently after his youth service in TOW...and enjoyed the meal while I rested to recharge my batteries...as in 'my' batteries?

The stars!!!

The gang!! My picture with them is in Uncle P's camera lah...sigh!