I've been reading updates about Yi Jien through this blogger I found lately. I don't understand. This prayer chain we started seemed to go on fine and God answered all our prayers but Yi Jien's. To those of you who recently joined this prayer chain, please take note that it is not only for CF but for Yi Jien's safety and each and the welfare of each and everyone of us.

I recalled not able to sleep one night and I was just browsing through the web till I decided to Google about YJ. I found quite a bit about his current status and his family. No, I do not know him personally, but ever since I found out about it, I worried along. Auntie Kim Guat was one of the first few people I knew at church back then... Mom broke the news to me not too long ago when she came home from church, she too was near tears, she told me she knows how it feels because she's lost a son before. Yes, a brother of mine, Howard.

I couldn't sleep and I was still chatting with M online and I really would like to extend my thank you to you M, for being with me in this prayer chain without hesitation. I read many of Auntie Kim Guat's e-mails and I am amazed to see how well she is coping with and how much faith she has. It was then I recalled the e-mail I read from A about our camp, if we think it's not going to work, pray more.

Yes indeed, the power of prayer. There are so many things I do not understand. Yeah, I don't even know why am I worrying over YJ though I've never met him. But when we're one body in Christ, it doesn't matter who you are and where you're from. Mom didn't want to attend the prayer Uncle Chai had for YJ because she was worried I couldn't drive well at night from JieGuan's house. I insisted on it though, because that's all we can do and I believe that is what God wants us all to do, pray and believe in Him.

Frankly, I am rather broken faithed about what's been going on. YJ... my music... my studies... my future...friends..family... but the question is, at such a time as this do we doubt God or choose to believe in Him?

I have experienced the power of prayer for my own need. And I have seen how it drifted as I doubted Him. I regret it till this day. I don't know... I repent really... I wish I never doubted him, perhaps things would be different for me, perhaps I could see the world better. It hurts, but we'll just have to keep praying, because that's the only thing we can do when it hurts so bad you can't sleep at night... hey but who am I to say about this when the family involved is hurting much more than I am? Sometimes I wish I knew what God is thinking... and sometimes I wish we'd all be able to cherish one another better

*******says:
and here i am composing songs
maine says:
har? you???

******* says:
r&b, hip hop, rap
maine says:
ohhh
maine says:
but wat is it about?
****** says:
my house mate is a rapper, so i compose it

maine says:
ok but what is your song about?
******says:
oh
i have no idea
he raps crap
lol
maine says:
but what the heck are u writing?

****** says:
i compse the back ground song, the beat
****** says:
i forgot
ill send it to u later k
maine says:
lol

****** says:
what thingi

****** says:
not now la
maine says:
oh????
****** says:
got exam la
maine says:
i tot now
oh i see

****** says:
now checking mail,
and watching porn
lol
no la, just joking

maine says:
oh okay
that seems to be ur hobby lately

****** says:
no la
good boy ma
if i see u kill me mah

maine says:
why would i kill you?
its your life
lol

******says:
i love thats why

maine says:
love watching porn? geez!!!

******says
love u
******says
noooo

****** says:
love me in my heart

maine says:
hhar?
blurr

****** says:
muakszz
wat ever

maine says:
errr ciaos
maine says:
bye

I thought that was the end of it yesterday, but wait, here's more, shucks, what am I suppose to do?

I thought I made it clear to him the last time, well, I guess not. I once told G about this... he was aware that this person have been having such intentions but I stopped G from bashing him up. Eventually it got worse but by then G trusts me no more. Anyways, now that life's me myself and I, who am I to confide into for such things? But yesterday night M and A was with me when the conversation took place, at least they were my witness that I wasn't drama-ing like how G always thought I was. Now, I posted it up for everyone to see that I'm speaking of the truth. Sigh...

I was rather annoyed when he repeated what he did last month which was slightly before the Durian Party I attended. I remembered I told him to respect women. Ah what the heck, if he did, he wouldn't be a hooligan now. Today's class was rather freaky. Well, I woke up at 7am so I text Mr. I knowing he's got waking up difficulties, I have no idea why am I so nice to him, well, after all he is my assistant class rep. I dashed out of the bathroom when I heard my phone ring, shucks... it was just Mr. I saying that he's already up and leaving in awhile. He offered to wait for me to walk together and so on but nah, I brushed it off. Not forgetting the swimming invites... :P

My room mate decided to follow me to class today since it did not clash with her schedule. Knowing us girls, we turned into a chatterbox and were late for class. We walked in and 5 pairs of eyes stared at us but we thick skinned-ly sat down. The lecture was boring as usual till at some point I decided to open the newspaper. Yes, I daringly read the newspaper in class. I flipped and flipped till I came across the horoscopes section. I read mine and was annoyed with it because it said I had attitude problem. Upon myself of not being content, I decided to read Mr. I's horoscope which got me bursting in laughter and my room mate trumpeting away too. It was only a matter of seconds when my laughter turned into muffles of words of what the horoscope said and the whole class started laughing. ......."romance is heated up on your neck..."

You see, when I walked into the classroom, I caught Mr. I with a battery powered fan. He was fanning his chest and his neck for some particular reason I don't know. Till I read the horoscope, well you know how explosive my laughter can be. Then Mr. I teased my laughter and then I took my revenge by saying, "Sir do you know something about Iy******?" Mr. I said, "that's enough Maine" I giggled uncontrollably and nodded but wait a minute. Ms. D*** who was also laughing tuned us all into her CNNBC Bloomberg channel and announced "Iy****** has a girlfriend and she's Malay." Mr. I was so upset because his father being a very religious person is going to kill him. But he was nice to me throughout the lesson so I thought he was alright, he offered me to his house this weekend to play on his grand piano.

I finished class and I walked my room mate to her next class and departed. Upon reaching the bridge that connects the academic block to the student's affair department, Mr. I out of nowhere marched right up to me and cornered me against the wall with his face only 2 inches away from mine and said, "I'm going to murder you for saying that in class" I said, "But it wasn't me....*blink*" He let me go then I stupidly turned around and said, "If you worry so much about it you can just tell sir that you guys broke up, no one would know *smiles sweetly*" Wanna know what happened next? He chased me like Tom and Jerry and I'm not a fast runner compared to him being a marathon runner..... but I escaped :P

Talk about men...geez...and I thought he was okay with it. Now I don't know whether he really wants me to go to his house this weekend. I'm like Maine the wanted girl to be delivered dead or alive...

Let me warn you that this conversation is rather long... and I've censored the name for this person's dignity. Read it here, and forget it here, there's no need to spread the news, thank you. It's worth reading too, that is if you care about me.

******says:
i may sound alittile horny tonight
*****8 says:
i dint know why
maine says:
huh?
_________________________________________________________________
maine says:
i'm not doing anything for now, you?
*****8 says:
watching porn
___________________________________________________________________
****** says:
start a topic tahn
maine says:
nope,
malas
*****8 says:
than wha to do
maine says:
drink water
maine says:
wakakakak
maine says:
eat apple
_________________________________________________________________

****** says:
if i start u should know what topic
maine says:
???
****** says:
if i start the topic u should know what topic is it
maine says:
how should i know i'm not your brain
****** says:
ok
its a bout sex
maine says:
sleep eat and xercise
woohoo!!
****** says:
what?
maine says:
Sleep Eat and Xercise
_________________________________________________________________
****** says:
what you doing now?
maine says:
still doing nothing
****** says:
i realy miss u
i am going to send u a sexy comment ok
u dont mind?
maine says:
er if i do i'll just delete it later
what would u write anyways?
****** says:
I LOVE U
maine says:
you call that sexy?
****** says:
no
i did not sent it la
and thats call romentic
________________________________________________________________
****** says:
must sleep early
maine says:
oh so early?
i tot u playing games? okay then!
****** says:
dont wory ill be thinking of u one

maine says:
thinking of me?
maine says:
woah no need lar... think of jessica alba
******says:
go and sleep
think of me
****** says:
u are my jessica alba

I have no idea what is going on with college these days. I travelled all the way back to campus this morning just to make it for the 8am class and it was through before it even struck 9.20am. I got to my hostel and glanced at my corner of the room being in such a mess I wanted to puke. I went online to touch up on previous post and then it was time to walk 1.5 km back to class again. It was sharp noon at that time and it was darn hot. I nearly got myself a sunstroke and not forgetting that I have not eaten anything since 5 in the morning. I finally sank down my chair in class and then this lady walked in and said, "Your lecturer has a meeting and will be delayed by an hour, he will come in at one something" To those of you who don't know, my college has this concept, the classroom will not be lit or air-conditioned when and until the lecturer comes in with his key to the switch. For one hour in a free sauna? Thanks but no thanks.

We waited and my annoying coursemate Mr. I the one I went karaoke with was singing his lungs out. Oh my gosh, please stop singing really. He even sang the song "When you believe" by Whitney Housten and Mariah. My goodness, "......there can be miracle when you believe ~~''

Heck, what miracle is this? It's plain disaster having him singing my ears off and he was so cheeky that he closed all the doors leaving us in despair in darkness and in heat!!!

The lecturer finally came in and you know what he said? '' We will start the lesson tomorrow'' Bummer! Bummer! Bummer! Worst off, he said, ".....tomorow we will start with revision, and I would touch on Keynesian Theory questions. So please come prepared to answer my questions" I left my book back in Seremban and so the minute he said dismiss, I literally ran down the stairs to the library in search for the book. Dang! Someone borrowed it. Then my mom text me saying if I have nothing to do I can come home. It was as though the heavens opened and shone down on me or something........and then...........BOOM! her next text message was, " I will not pick you up anytime before I send food" which means I will have to wait till seven pm. Forget it dude, I'll fail both ways, so here I am sitting in my hostel like a clam shell opening my mouth every forty seconds and shut it back again. Why? Because I have no one to talk to. I'm alone tonight in this darn room.

The room I'm in is in such a mess. I thought I'd help mom out by bringing back all my dirty clothes from Seremban to here and hand wash them myself, now I'm feeling like an idiot. I'm hungry and I'm going to waste more energy scrubbing fabric. This is seriously a very bad day. Not forgetting Mr. I who so sweetly coaxed my lecturer to have EXTRA CLASSES. They are just plain jealous that my Fridays are off. But NO NO NO NO you're not touching my Fridays. I shot him a killing look but to no avail. Adding up to my annoyance, he got my lecturer into planning night lessons from 6pm-8pm on certain days. What the??!??!

I was hungry so I grabbed an orange and sliced in half, and what color was it? GREEN. I wanted lunch but I opened my purse and saw RM1.00 thanks... mom forgot to give me my allowance this time. I looked at the packets of maggi mee in disgust, I decided to starve myself. Heck, I wonder how long will this strike of starvation last when the clock has only struck 2pm and I will have to remain this way till tomorrow evening at 6pm?

I'm hungry, I'm cranky but most of all, I'm lonely.. not because my room mate isn't here... it's just that it's such a bad day today and I've got no one to talk to.

I stepped into Mr. W's office this morning, I recalled what mom said the other night, "If your AS level exam is clashing with the camp, I'm not going to let you do it." I was rather nervous really, till he handed me my schedule and I was beaming with joy, my last paper was on the 14th of November one day before the camp. Then I wondered, is this really God's signs and wonders? Off on Fridays and now, exam's over before it? I was overjoyed, whether or not this camp is on, I know my boss has done something for me. I nearly hugged J when I was trying to show him my schedule. He was so overwhelmed too, he was asking B whether she thinks this is God's will and she said she thinks so, and all a sudden she thinks she wanna go on with the plan.

I don't know really what they want, all I know is that prayer does work. It's proven today. I'm happy and content. We practiced for CF this Friday, it was great. I liked the way they both worked now, more mature and co-operative. Unfortunately, not all were present, but we still have another practice before the biggie. I hope they all know including myself that it's not about how well you play an instrument, whether or not you are able to do it without much practice, being there together at a practice is to have a bonding, a proper understanding, spiritual unity, and one voice. That is the meaning of true worship. It was something I knew but failed to apply when I was in school. Thinking that I'm pretty alright on the piano doesn't mean I'm exempted from practices, it doesn't matter if I can catch up in 30 seconds. A practice is a practice.

Anyways, the two who didn't make it today, especially A, I pray she'll get well soon. The other one, you know who you are, I hope the miscommunication will be reduced. It's not a concert this Friday, it's nothing grand, but, it'll be worship. Strip ourselves is something I always say and often misinterpreted as obscene. To those of you in the right mind would know that I did not mean the literal meaning of stripping but rather the metaphorical meaning of it. Yes, I sound as though I'm debating my law questions or something but heck, if you have read my previous post on "Clothes" then I believe this would be my encouragement to all of you again to be true to your heart. Aren't you tired of putting up a fake front just to save yourself some dignity and your so-called reputation? If He too is not allowed to see the real you then I don't know who else can. Strip yourselves here I am saying it again, because God needs to see our true selves, not who we put up whenever we're out there. So this Friday, let us strip and rejoice in the Lord and forget all worries, but to just lean on Him.

Amen!

Today I hung out with the two boys for our CF camp plannings. It was rather stressful to see them half dead and it was so upsetting to see them lose hope. They reflected a lot about me really, the me I used to be and still am in certain ways. I took a few steps forward to the nearby shed away from them hoping to think a little. I was crying inside me, "Oh Lord, where are you when they need you most? I don't know what to say to them, I can't tell them it's gonna be alright" As much as I thought I had this all well planned, I was at point blank. It was then I saw an ant that crawled by .... yea I know you might have heard this story before but I saw it today, the ant was going back and forth carrying little crumbs, many times it stumbled and had to pick it up again. Then I thought to myself, the song they always sing, this two boys, From the inside out.... "A thousand times I've failed, still your mercy remains....should i stumble again ~~

I smiled when they told me they wanted to call off the camp. One part of me was rather disappointed after all the effort we've put in. One part of me was happy for myself because I understand now, the going do really get tough and we must get going no matter what. I believe it is not uncommon for them to know this but they refuse to apply it. I have nothing to protest about because after all I am an outsider. I did what I could, politely telling people it's over, all of us asked why, but is there really a why boys? I'm sure you don't, really. But anyways, I understand that you don't want to lose the lows... by going for the highs and having the risk of stumbling.

I was so sorry to disappoint the gang we had who were firing for the camp, but it was alright, the decision is still theirs. If it is time for us seniors to go, we know where's the door. As long as God's family continue to strive on. Surprisingly, few seniors told me they won't want to give up now. They told me they'll continue praying for a change. Our prayer chain goes on still, I'm very touched, God, I really pray you'll see our hearts' desires for our generation.

Anyways, I was thinking a lot about the camp whilst playing badminton today, a lot in my mind lately. It really have been a wonderful time bonding with the few of the committees and coming back to help. It was something Yi Zheng and Tim did for me. Here I am doing so too. I rushed like mad when Jie Guan smsed me that they left home. Eventually I got into the wrong high way and was 10km away from Kajang. It was a wrong route but the long drive and the speed got me thinking a lot, when you're lost like this, a person who's not familiar with the highway, you're alone, a tank of just enough petrol to get out within the time frame and adequate cash to survive for the toll and a little more petrol, with no credit. That's when "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" applied. I told God, this is it boss, I have no idea where am I and you know my vision can't take it any longer, I will have to stop soon if I dont' find my way out, I'm having tripple vision already. Do something, I'm on my way to a meet up for You, help me.
I stopped. Made a deadly U-TURN but I know the BIG BOSS's got my back. The minute I exited the toll again, three trucks sped by where I just passed. Thank God, or I'd be the next "star" on the newspaper.

It's all about faith really. S spoke to me online tonight, he told me he's been down and weary. I hate to break it to him about CF but it's better now than to keep his hopes up. He told me he's dry and he wanted a breakthrough too in this camp and asked me why it's off. I told him, bro, it's never easy to run a committee, we should just support them in prayer and hope for the best. I believe they know what they're doing. However, he was one of the first to say, "Let's just continue to pray about it, I'm sure there's a turning point after we've gone this far" I was a little uplifted, after so much, we both being down, we decided to trust in the Lord.

The both who hung out in my house including B who joined us later, I really enjoyed the fellowship. It was like how me, Rachel and Grace did last year the night before ISCF. The bonding of different colours and blood. We are still a family in His kingdom. Whatever the outcome is, I trust in God. My vocal teacher asked me that too today, he said, "Who's going to be your pianist?" I said, "You know who I want, but God knows who I need in the end, so let's keep praying"

It's the power of prayer really. A simple prayer can move a mountain. I hold on to the story where Jesus multiplied the food for five thousand people and had baskets more left for leftovers. Whatever it is, I love this boys, I love the rest of them, I love my batch of members, we are a family, we may fail a thousand times, we may fall flat into our faces, we may end up stripped, we may end up cursing like hell but it will all be worth it. When it's all been said and done, we've done it for Him, it is well with our souls.

Prayer chain waiting to fill : Monday --
Tuesday : Shaun
Wednesday: Mandy
Thursday: Maine's mom
Friday: Maine
Saturday:
Sunday:

God bless us!!!