It's over

Well xy, remember you asked me if I felt it worth it after 5 months? Well, I really don't think it is. I'm hurt. I did as I said I would, it's the end of this so-called "training" journey. Am extremely tired of it. The Kidz Explosion party tomorrow, hah, I remembered it so well when he attended Jon's church with me. He promised to help me with the sandwiches and that he'll be free on that very day to attend it. And as usual, he breaks promises like candies. I only told him half of my feelings tonight, I kept the other ugly half, because he's never sensitive enough to understand. I assume and I think I'm right, that everything in my world is nothing to this person. Well, he will always be him, and nothing can change him. Whether he deserves whatever he has or not, I no longer care, because I'm letting everything go. I'm so tired of wanting so much and gaining nothing. 3 loaves of bread for tomorrow, marking three words = It is over.

It's a picture to burn, and I'm terribly confused. I will never know whether I'm doing the right thing after striving so long for something good. But, these four days, it has been a living hell thinking about this friendship and it still is... this person..... will never weigh importance for me as equal as how he weighs other people in his world. No, we're not dating, that's what I've been telling you guys, but I just wished that he'd have cherished a friendship out of all these.

I wished but gained nothing.