Well......it was the holidays.... so for a kick start, my girlfriends ---- MANDY AND XIN YI. (yep, Mandy, I'm announcing your names out loud!) lol.

Where was I? Oh right... we the girls, la femme... muah... *winks* HAHAHAHA headed off to Port Dickson, Glory Beach Resort for an evening. J hung out with us too, sometimes I wondered if he had fun on this day 'cos he was the only boy. But it was fun for me though.

The entrance of the "glory" beach...still standing huh? Wait till we bombard it. :P

Of course, you'd think we'd be so mean and just have ONE boy on our outing without supervision? Wakakakakakaakka!! My dear mommy!!

Yes, ladies, my car's sexy. Live with it :P (kidding!)

I think Mandy was trying to emphasis the dirt on my car instead :(

Yeah, charlie's angels come on!

(gosh i'm so sweattttttttt)

Well, xin yi and I was standing there to plot some payback pranks on ahem....you know who...the only XY. HAHAHAHAAH


So what else did we do??

And there it was! Payback!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee.......though I must say, Xin yi wasn't helping much on the victim, she was torturing me instead. heheheeheh

We decided that J needed baptism and of course I was the only "eligible" one to carry out this ceremony. LOL!!

Ah......he ran away, typical him. But did you have to run in such a Bollywood drama way? People think otherwise you know??!!!

She decides to pose part time since they were hiring.................


This woman is great! She can be vain.............. HAHAHAHAHA.....i love you chic!

Ah.... though they were not hiring, she insists on creating a job position on her own...

Okay, I'm not five but I just enjoyed doing that. I made them out of the trash bin in my car! heeh

I decided to test on my FIFA kick... ^.^


You think I'd let him go at just that??

Look at my laughter ? That's pure happiness in torturing someone.. gee

And X marks the spot and I ain't telling you where was it.. *innocent look*

Yup, your butt's dirty dude... clean it!

I told you he was a pervert!! Look at him! Its pure proof!!

Yeah, hide your face you fraud!! *winks*

I begged him over with my puppy face (*vomits*)

To slap him! *slap* woohoo!! salute me!!

Love me, my victory! Hahahahahahaha

Ah...Mandy and I...just the two of us, we can make it if we try...just the two of us~~

I decided to ask her how she felt...about the whole trip.


But before I tell you what she said, Please, allow me to pose a lil... :P

Xinyi and I.......

This woman kept teasing me and J...... sweat!

She made me puke!

See?

One whole pond ah!

Sweat...

=.=

Okay, everyone's been asking me what's up with me blog these two months. I know, its pretty dead right? Sorry, I have been rather busy trying to put my life back in order after my you know what busy schedule towards the second half of this year, hence, I shall try to update my blog as fast as I can before the year 2008 comes to an end. Don't worry, I keep a written journal these days, so nothing is missed out, not forgetting my candid snapping skills is still up and going =p

You don't care how its like,
Bet you don't even know how its like,
To be treated like trash,
Though you spent all your cash,
Then something new comes up in your life,
You appreciate it as though its your new wife,
Finally I realise,
That you don't treat me the same no matter how you emphasize.

You finally changed after HUGE,
But not when I've tried to help after five months,
I'm very happy for you,
But it's always about you,
Sizing everyone ahead,
Leaving me the only maid,
Yes, I feel like a babysitter,
Waiting on you,
Putting my life on too much a hold,
I cannot wait anymore,
I gotta go.

I've finally gathered my wits,
To walk away from you,
Yet you still say that I need,
That prayer you boast about,
Damn you human,
Have you not seen the picture yet?
The truth that made me let all I've strived for go?

Well xy, remember you asked me if I felt it worth it after 5 months? Well, I really don't think it is. I'm hurt. I did as I said I would, it's the end of this so-called "training" journey. Am extremely tired of it. The Kidz Explosion party tomorrow, hah, I remembered it so well when he attended Jon's church with me. He promised to help me with the sandwiches and that he'll be free on that very day to attend it. And as usual, he breaks promises like candies. I only told him half of my feelings tonight, I kept the other ugly half, because he's never sensitive enough to understand. I assume and I think I'm right, that everything in my world is nothing to this person. Well, he will always be him, and nothing can change him. Whether he deserves whatever he has or not, I no longer care, because I'm letting everything go. I'm so tired of wanting so much and gaining nothing. 3 loaves of bread for tomorrow, marking three words = It is over.

It's a picture to burn, and I'm terribly confused. I will never know whether I'm doing the right thing after striving so long for something good. But, these four days, it has been a living hell thinking about this friendship and it still is... this person..... will never weigh importance for me as equal as how he weighs other people in his world. No, we're not dating, that's what I've been telling you guys, but I just wished that he'd have cherished a friendship out of all these.

I wished but gained nothing.

Nel Amor Guilio Cesare,

V'adoro, pupille,

saette d'amore;

le vostre faville

son grate nel sen

Pietose vi brama

il mesto mio core,

ch'ogn'ora vi chiama

l'amato suo ben

-Cleopatra-

Well, guess I've been preparing for the biggie on Sunday a little too much. Then when I heard it was cancelled I was pretty disappointed. I mean, it took me a whole load of courage to embrace myself for that walk if you know what I mean. I really wanted that day to determine if I was really okay with myself and facing that part of my depression. Sigh...... not forgetting the Saturday night, was another hectic and confusing outing. Perhaps I've been overly excited with the little gathering and was too exhausted when the big one came at nightfall. Went home with a terrible headache.....

That night, no sleep at all, mere wake all night till the sun rose. I finally drifted off to sleep, missing any church on the contrary...

Then a situation of communication error yet with her again. I seriously hate it when it happens because it seemed nothing but ridicule to me. We know each other fairly well yet we drown ourselves with endless episodes of miscommunication. Sometimes I wish I'd just call her more often and tell her most details myself. But again, I remembered what D said last time, that I'm too clingy sorta thing and that he can't be there all the time. That's when I pulled back on calling her, I didn't want her to be walking out on me too if I bugged her too much.

Well, guess I have problems in maintaining a friendship what more a relationship. Hah! Alas! Life is nothing but mere trouble for me when it comes to relationships of any sort. I seem to be uncontrollably cranky whenever I'm disappointed... I hate having to be human sometimes. The necessity to do the right moves ........ and then getting into the wrong moves...

Sigh, these holidays have been an entirely long and slow paced one, I had my ample rest but have not been able to fulfill my thoughts of endeavouring stronger friendships. In addition, family relationships is also another obstacle I've yet to encounter. Ah..... another day, another sun, another cloud, another disappointment with no one else but myself.

I'm just disappointed I haven found out whats wrong with me yet.

I hate cold nights, they remind me of you too much. The damp weathers we shared...
I read many many novels enough for me to be the next rising author, they all told me the same thing. I'd get hurt then someday when I grow up I'll meet the right one. But will I? I won't know, all I know is that it seems like the end of the world to me whenever I'm not out socializing....not having a stage to act upon as a "normal" girl..... I hate it whenever you're not here with me on such nights. You never will again, but will you give me the key to set myself free to this torment of your haunts though you're never in my world after so long?

You told me the other day that I affected your ability to love. You also said you chased after quite a few girls and that every other men would agree with you about me. Well, I wouldn't know who's right and who's wrong. 'Cos to you its just revenge, it always is and always will be. You said everything you had was destroyed because of me, but after all that's done, you broke mine as well...where's the logistics in that? When you went out with those girls, wouldn't it have gone across your mind that I'd be waiting on you faithfully and loving you every moment around the clock whether or not we barely meet?

I don't think you'll ever know how it hurts and how has it affected a person's life. I won't ever know if I'll be loved properly in the future, because when night falls I fear to even look at myself, you won't understand how that feels.... to actually once belonged to someone else. I wish you'd listened to me when we had a chance to try again. What's the point of knowing that I was telling the truth now when it's all destroyed?

I won't know if I'll ever step out of this because of all I know, I keep falling back into this pit. Girlfriends support me as I stumble, but how long would they stick with me and be patient with my pathetic torn life? Why wouldn't you believe me when I told you I was yours alone?

But its no longer the time to question whys.. 'cos I know that from that day forth, whenever I stepped out of the KTM and make my walk to the bus station, the form who once took me in his arms and claimed me his possession will never be waiting at the other end. I prayed alot since, I prayed that I'll get over it, but I see no end of it just yet, the big L, seems to be freaking me out whenever people show me care instead. I guess, I'm just sick of hearing people talk about you, siding how upset you are and how abused you are, because no eyes have seen my part of the story yet...

Time flies so quickly, I just couldn't believe my eyes we are now in the twelfth month of the year. Despite the rough edges and winding corners, we are where we are right here right now. Legal babies we are many, shallt not I forget the girlfriends who stood by me through the stormy seas when my journey with a few loved ones left my door. I never really planned a birthday for this someone before, somehow this time, her birthday seemed to be rather a necessity to plan for. Yes, I am rather mischevious and cheeky by nature as we can see with M's birthday this year, but this time, I don't know if I should broaden by actions, but oh what is there to lose?

Being eighteen isn't entirely awesome for me really. Turmoil here and there tires me down and sometimes I must admit that I hate to be old. However, I noticed and am sincerely touched by those who will be with me and forever will be in hope, and so, I really pray to God that she will find this little planning an enjoyable one.

With our shoulders heavy with work, responsibilities and commitments, there is little that I know of this special someone and the rest of those who's birthdays have passed. I am trying to know and find out hoping to at least strike a few corrects keeping her happy for this birthday. My birthday party was a blast, but the days that follow was aghast, some experience I'd kill to forget... I want all my buddies birthdays to be happy this year and nothing but jolly with lolly, and lucky she, she will celebrate it with some holly.....

I'm rather anxious and nervous not knowing what's good and what's best. But I just hope that in time as the countdown gets nearer to this little lunch date, she will be rest assured that this is a promise I keep in me that ~~ She will be loved. Allow me to finish by crossing my heart to seal that promise embedded.

It wasn't that long ago,
That we spoke rather often,
Twas then it was all over,
All opportunities were used up,
Then there was nothing left to be endavoured...

Once then you're a fool,
But twice, I'm the real fool,
Faced life changing events without you,
Though taken with courage,
I sigh with relief without full satisfaction,
Because I wish I could share it with you,
Till there come a time,
When I cannot any longer..

Misty mornings,
Blazing noons,
Wet and damp evenings,
Left me hot and cold,
Shivering and shuddering,
Reading pages through blurry eyes,
Teardrops pouring with the rain,
No one would understand the pain...

The warmth of your presence,
Enlightens the ambience,
We used to ignore all consequences,
Exploring and improvising without limitations,
When will we restore,
And grant me that secure,
I shall not want to be apart,
For I am stumbling and with a longing heart,
I miss you.

Alas! The art of hypocracy has been revealed!
The bitterness obtained from the poison of his tongue,
As he puts his evil vision into words,
Oh! A disgrace to mankind,
A young boy, a chap yet to see the world,
So sadly, he has become the potion of Romeo and Juliet,
Causing nothing but mere pain and scrutiny.

Repent a lesson I shallt not dare teach,
For the words that speaketh through one's lips,
Should bear the fruit of that tree,
A lesson simple yet so difficult to follow,
Leading many to a road all so narrow,
The wrong road taken by this young fellow.

Once we forgiven,
Twice we voiced our disapproval,
Thrice he entered his own deathbed,
Sacrificing that one bit of treasure we all must have,
Dignity,
Integrity,
Morality,
He shall never have till this day forth.

The tongue is so useful yet so blissful,
May we all watch our prima donna-itis self,
That we do not hurt others,
A lesson I yet to master myself,
But may this version of the accult Casanova be extinguished.

I don't know what I ate wrong, I don't know what happened...

It's my fifth time to the loo.... T.T

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I wanna cry.......!!!!!!!!

There's so much to do with so little time. I really intended to rest and enjoy my holidays, but I find myself working far harder all over again equally as how I did for the past four months. Rather grateful I am for J to help me in my tasks but I'm rather upset to know what lies ahead that I need to complete. Too many responsibilities, too many promises that I have made. I regret it now, but it is too late. I seem to be working my death now...

1. Move piles of clothes back into cupboard in mom’s room
2. Clear off brother’s cupboard top, and stack up his boxes up there
3. Fix up one 3-tier shelf next to the computer table
4. Clear the big red basket at my room door and decide what to put in it
5. Put up new curtain at brother’s room
6. Clear first 3 shelves in white cabinet near glass door
7. Move DVD player to mom’s room
8. Go to computer shop to find out Printer prices
9. Put Ian’s book to photocopy
10. Figure a way to keep my undergarments so mom can have her box back
11. Clean the balcony
12. Fix back brother’s bed mattresses
13. Put a new rack in the toilet
14. White cabinet from brother’s room put at car porch
15. Plug in speakers ( to take from Michelle’s home) to the computer
16. Store in story books and unused books into the store room
17. Move back TV cabinet things to its places