Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Photography

Found a new interest in photography lately. Well, I've always loved photography, I just never took it seriously. Digital SLRs cost me a bomb, and I have no idea how far this will take me. Some close friends question, what about my passion in music? Well, it still is in me, but I guess I'm just trying to even it out a little and try to see what the other side of the world looks like and not just be a die hard singer who knows how to do nothing but only sing. After watching GLEE and somewhat, I just start to doubt myself that I don't see myself ever becoming a singer anything like that level...

Studying Mass Communication requires us to take up the Photo Communication class. I'm all excited about it. Speaking of which, studying Mass Comm is something so much more enjoyable than whatever I've tried to do before. But hey, let's get real. I am not the Mass Comm industry type. Will this course change me? I don't know, I'm taking baby steps to see what He provides for me in the near future.

So yep, I'm looking forward to taking more artistic photos and not be a phoDOH as described on LAMEBOOK. Haha!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas shoes!

Ever since we got together, money had always been a factor for the both of us. We never really questioned each others expenses. Somehow we just worked hard and got whatever we both wanted. This year, I pretty much achieved everything that I wanted. But what that really made my day were these Converse.

My sturdy PUMA finally gave its way in the middle of Christmas shopping this year. A gift from mom and brother two years back. My one and only sport shoes that has served me well throughout the earlier chapters of my college days.This year, mom and my sister and brother in law, Josephine and Winston Tan contributed to my new sport shoes, this time HP. Hushiee Puppies baby! :D




I had always hated Converse. I never liked the idea of the plastic looking front. I find the style very stupid. However, ever since I met Z, he loves Converse so much that he'd still wear his old OVER worn out pair until today. I've decided to give Converse a shot, and of course, I rewarded him with a brand new pair for Christmas for being such a wonderful boyfriend in the past one year.

When I snapped a picture of them shoes, I laughed. People come up with couple tees, couple mobile phone accessories, couple pendants, couple cups, couple purses and wallets but couple shoes? Hahahaha, this is seriously something new to me.

May this gift be a kick-start to our 2nd year relationship in 2011 :)


What is Christmas?

I had a conversation with a friend the other night, just before Christmas. I'm so very happy to see her enjoy her freedom now in the US. I was telling her about the presents I'm contemplating to buy or bought for my family members and she suddenly exclaimed, "I hate Christmas!" I was startled at first, but I soon began to understand why...

"...because everyone focuses on the presents and not the real meaning", she said. I explained that Christmas is all about loving and we express our love and care through gifts just like how the wisemen did on Christmas day when baby Jesus was born.

However, on Christmas day when I received a text message that my brother did not manage to get me a gift. I sulked all day and whined about it. Today it hit me, do gifts really matter? Looking back, it doesn't really matter, because the smile and the laughter and the joy we shared on that night, that very day, looking at them thanking God because you've bought them just the right gift because they couldn't afford it or never dreamed of having, just wipes away all those selfish thoughts.

I suppose that is how Jesus wants us to remember Christmas? He came to this world to give us a gift, and this gift was His life... as for us who are now still living on Earth, I suppose loving each other and sharing the Gospel is what should be our priority.

Merry Christmas Karen, you've opened my eyes to yet another perspective in life. Happy Holidays!

Unfailing Love

I was very down, knowing there are so many issues yet to be resolved in the worship team in my church. It just hurts me to see the what was once whole, now being tested, and one by one, soldiers of God slowly yet painfully defeated by the Evil one.

I was struggling a lot, asking God what could I do to help the situation? What else can I do? I'm only a woman, a very normal person, who has limited capabilities in this ministry. Spoke to Pastor and he said, "when you've done your best, there's really nothing you can do but to just wait for God to do the rest but we don't ever stop loving them" And then it struck me, maybe God is doing something, perhaps in a different perspective that we may or may not agree with but, I believe everything happened for a reason.

We were just singing Chris Tomlin's Unfailing Love that somehow touched me this morning. That no matter how we try to change according to the situations or chapters in life that we go through, God never changes. So why should we change away from Him, and not continue with what we are doing to serve Him and know that no matter what all our friends do to us, no matter who left us, no matter what happens, He never changes. He is our unfailing love when all love fails. He is the Alpha and Omega the comforter, the one you run to at the end of the day.

Dear readers, (if I have any, despite my long MIA from blogging) if you are facing so many disappointing chapters in life, and you are just so tired of TRYING to take control of things, remember, that God never changes, call upon Him and embrace His warmth. No matter how difficult the journey may be, do not stop loving, do not stop hoping, but have faith in the Almighty.


Friday, August 6, 2010

What If(s)

Just another cooling night, love the night breeze in Seremban, makes me fall lazily deep in thoughts...

As I looked back on the people I've met along the way, from the days before I left high school until today, I've seen so many walks of life in just a matter of 3 years. What fascinates me is their love life. Some loyal, faithful lovers still weeping over their lost loved ones, some Casanova hopping from one relationship to another just like a summer vacation. Just gets me to question, what's love really to them?

And then it got me to wonder, we give each other endearments, when we are with our lovers, when things turned ugly and we move on, how do we walk out from that puddle of love and learn to love another person?

As a person of experience, I certainly could not have done that without a full year of picking myself up and the pieces of life that I have left behind. When we find a new love, won't our past haunt us? The what if questions are the ones that haunt me most.

What if we never argued, maybe we'd be married by now...
What if I never walked away and fought on...
What if I never spoke to this other guy, he would've stayed and gave us a second chance...
What if I didn't hung up on him...
What if she never cheated on me...
What if I never met someone at work...
What if I only knew my boundaries back then...

I suppose its essential to fight all you have for the love you have NOW, and don't regret the path you chose? All I know is, if we keep looking back, the What if questions will kill you...

So cherish what you have before all you have is the What if(s) to live with.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Of your hands and your lips

Whenever you walk ahead of me,
My heart skips a beat wishing you'd take my hand,
When you hold my hand loosely,
I'd hold onto your grip like there's no earth beneath me,
With the many tasks you have to manage,
I can only hope that you would look my way for a glance,
And when you do,
You bring me joy,
Like a high school girl who's just met her first crush,
Funny how you still bring me such thrills,
Despite the 4 seasons we've been together,
Every little thing you do,
Puts a smile on my face and a tear in my eye,
When I go to bed,
I pray to God that I will never have to lose you,
The thought of not having you in my days,
Would only result in everlasting darkness,
And of dull colors and musty ways,
You tell me this is just a phase that I'm going through,
But let me tell you that this is the love that you planted in me,
And I will love you always.

Monday, May 10, 2010

10 reasons why she's MY mom


1. She pedicures my feet.

Despite how grown up I am now, mom does my feet every fortnightly. I always complained that I should be doing them on my own now. But she just shakes her head and explains how important it is to have perfectly trimmer nails to avoid in grown and comfort while walking. Often, she does it for me at wee hours in the morning just so I'd be asleep and not feel the pain from my swelling toes.

2. She's ever so patient with me.

I am short tempered. Most of the times I'd lose myself and say a whole junk of things which I don't mean and throw things around the room, stomp my feet and slam doors. She never whines or fights back to shut me up. But rather, she picks up every single item I threw and remedies every thing I was whining over about. For as long as her finances and life permits, she'd give it to me.

3. She believes in Him.

After ten years of seeking medical help for a cure for my eye, she never gave up praying for me despite the end of hope. She believes that there is a reason why I'm born this way and that I am special.

After 4 years of taking vocal lessons, and the many wrong turns in my education path, she still believes that I am a talented,soaring singer that would excel one day whether or not it is my major or minor as a career.

4. She strives for me.

Mom never had to work for the past 12 years of my life. But when things got bad at home, she never hesitated nor complained to pick up a broom and a mop and started a job from there as a housekeeper. For a wife of a manager, I salute her with all honor and respect that my education fees were all paid by her hard work and humility. She never allowed me to work, she would give me every cent she earned and have nothing left for herself, so that I would get to be somebody in the future,

5. She never judged me.

Despite the many wrongs I have made. She never judged me. Instead, she took the fall on my behalf not allowing others involved to judge me, but her.
The wrong friends I meddled with and the wrong things I did, she accepts me as openly as the parable of the Prodigal Son and shower me with love and gifts in whatever way she is able to.

6. She is my father.

Long before dad left, when whirls of tornadoes swept our home with sorrow, mom was always there for me, being a father despite her already heavy laden role as a mother. Report cards and PTA meetings, she never failed to attend to. She get up way before dawn to pack my school bag and get my breakfast ready so I'd sleep an extra half an hour every day. She takes me to the doctor and my many episodes of physiotherapy and eye check ups, paid for many many expensive bills for any thing a father usually are accountable for. She often sobbed at her work place whenever pain hit her bad in joints and her broken heart, but she never brought them home to me.

When dad left, he told us himself that I am better off with mom. As he never knew me despite being my biological father. And that he would never be able to attend to my needs and he wouldn't want such burden. It was she who took me home when I didn't know where to go.

7. She's my BFF.

As I aged, I knew mom felt the distance between a teenager and an aging mom. She strived to pick up and understand whatever my interests and current likings and opened herself up to the youth world in hope that she would have a place in mine. Despite her fatigue, she would go shopping for hours with me like what girly girls would do and experiment make ups with me on my prom night.

She texts me. We talk like friends. The language were always informal as we call each other names like "woman" and "babe" Conversations with her never had a barrier because she is my BFF. I never had to look far for a friend as she is always there for me.

8. She pampers me.

Despite what other people say, she would deny that she pampers me too much. Deep in my heart I always knew that mom had always pampered me. She bought me an upright grand piano just because I scored a distinction in Vocal Grade 5. Even on Mother's Day she would buy me gifts and attend to my tummy aches and other discomfort. There is never a rest day for her, it was always a Queen's day for me.

9. She feeds me.

Mom is ever worried over my weight. As my family has past histories of health problems from weight gain. Despite the trouble of putting me through diet, she feeds me the best food, the best piece of lean meat, the best bread, organic vegetables. Also, she tries to let me have what I loved to eat that were no good for my diet, she would figure ways to get me there and stay healthy for as long as I am healthy and happy.

10. She loves me.

She could've chosen to let me go when our families parted. She could've chosen to send me a way when there was opportunity. She could have given up on me and leave me to suffer whatever I was going through. She never done any of such. Despite all the dirt I carry and all the troubles I caused, she loves me unconditionally.

It is not only for Mother's Day I do this. These are just the ten things I never had the guts to tell Mom how much I appreciate her being around and her love for me. These things never hit me during my daily life, but it hit me hard when she teared at the sight of a table full of dim sum when I took her out for Mother's Day breakfast.

I love you Mom.