I was very down, knowing there are so many issues yet to be resolved in the worship team in my church. It just hurts me to see the what was once whole, now being tested, and one by one, soldiers of God slowly yet painfully defeated by the Evil one.
I was struggling a lot, asking God what could I do to help the situation? What else can I do? I'm only a woman, a very normal person, who has limited capabilities in this ministry. Spoke to Pastor and he said, "when you've done your best, there's really nothing you can do but to just wait for God to do the rest but we don't ever stop loving them" And then it struck me, maybe God is doing something, perhaps in a different perspective that we may or may not agree with but, I believe everything happened for a reason.
We were just singing Chris Tomlin's Unfailing Love that somehow touched me this morning. That no matter how we try to change according to the situations or chapters in life that we go through, God never changes. So why should we change away from Him, and not continue with what we are doing to serve Him and know that no matter what all our friends do to us, no matter who left us, no matter what happens, He never changes. He is our unfailing love when all love fails. He is the Alpha and Omega the comforter, the one you run to at the end of the day.
Dear readers, (if I have any, despite my long MIA from blogging) if you are facing so many disappointing chapters in life, and you are just so tired of TRYING to take control of things, remember, that God never changes, call upon Him and embrace His warmth. No matter how difficult the journey may be, do not stop loving, do not stop hoping, but have faith in the Almighty.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Unfailing Love
Posted by Vaga Luna at 2:02 PMFriday, August 6, 2010
What If(s)
Posted by Vaga Luna at 2:50 AMJust another cooling night, love the night breeze in Seremban, makes me fall lazily deep in thoughts...
As I looked back on the people I've met along the way, from the days before I left high school until today, I've seen so many walks of life in just a matter of 3 years. What fascinates me is their love life. Some loyal, faithful lovers still weeping over their lost loved ones, some Casanova hopping from one relationship to another just like a summer vacation. Just gets me to question, what's love really to them?
And then it got me to wonder, we give each other endearments, when we are with our lovers, when things turned ugly and we move on, how do we walk out from that puddle of love and learn to love another person?
As a person of experience, I certainly could not have done that without a full year of picking myself up and the pieces of life that I have left behind. When we find a new love, won't our past haunt us? The what if questions are the ones that haunt me most.
What if we never argued, maybe we'd be married by now...
What if I never walked away and fought on...
What if I never spoke to this other guy, he would've stayed and gave us a second chance...
What if I didn't hung up on him...
What if she never cheated on me...
What if I never met someone at work...
What if I only knew my boundaries back then...
I suppose its essential to fight all you have for the love you have NOW, and don't regret the path you chose? All I know is, if we keep looking back, the What if questions will kill you...
So cherish what you have before all you have is the What if(s) to live with.
Labels: love
Friday, June 18, 2010
Of your hands and your lips
Posted by Vaga Luna at 11:55 PMWhenever you walk ahead of me,
My heart skips a beat wishing you'd take my hand,
When you hold my hand loosely,
I'd hold onto your grip like there's no earth beneath me,
With the many tasks you have to manage,
I can only hope that you would look my way for a glance,
And when you do,
You bring me joy,
Like a high school girl who's just met her first crush,
Funny how you still bring me such thrills,
Despite the 4 seasons we've been together,
Every little thing you do,
Puts a smile on my face and a tear in my eye,
When I go to bed,
I pray to God that I will never have to lose you,
The thought of not having you in my days,
Would only result in everlasting darkness,
And of dull colors and musty ways,
You tell me this is just a phase that I'm going through,
But let me tell you that this is the love that you planted in me,
And I will love you always.
Labels: poems
Monday, May 10, 2010
10 reasons why she's MY mom
Posted by Vaga Luna at 8:54 AM
1. She pedicures my feet.
Despite how grown up I am now, mom does my feet every fortnightly. I always complained that I should be doing them on my own now. But she just shakes her head and explains how important it is to have perfectly trimmer nails to avoid in grown and comfort while walking. Often, she does it for me at wee hours in the morning just so I'd be asleep and not feel the pain from my swelling toes.
2. She's ever so patient with me.
I am short tempered. Most of the times I'd lose myself and say a whole junk of things which I don't mean and throw things around the room, stomp my feet and slam doors. She never whines or fights back to shut me up. But rather, she picks up every single item I threw and remedies every thing I was whining over about. For as long as her finances and life permits, she'd give it to me.
3. She believes in Him.
After ten years of seeking medical help for a cure for my eye, she never gave up praying for me despite the end of hope. She believes that there is a reason why I'm born this way and that I am special.
After 4 years of taking vocal lessons, and the many wrong turns in my education path, she still believes that I am a talented,soaring singer that would excel one day whether or not it is my major or minor as a career.
4. She strives for me.
Mom never had to work for the past 12 years of my life. But when things got bad at home, she never hesitated nor complained to pick up a broom and a mop and started a job from there as a housekeeper. For a wife of a manager, I salute her with all honor and respect that my education fees were all paid by her hard work and humility. She never allowed me to work, she would give me every cent she earned and have nothing left for herself, so that I would get to be somebody in the future,
5. She never judged me.
Despite the many wrongs I have made. She never judged me. Instead, she took the fall on my behalf not allowing others involved to judge me, but her.
The wrong friends I meddled with and the wrong things I did, she accepts me as openly as the parable of the Prodigal Son and shower me with love and gifts in whatever way she is able to.
6. She is my father.
Long before dad left, when whirls of tornadoes swept our home with sorrow, mom was always there for me, being a father despite her already heavy laden role as a mother. Report cards and PTA meetings, she never failed to attend to. She get up way before dawn to pack my school bag and get my breakfast ready so I'd sleep an extra half an hour every day. She takes me to the doctor and my many episodes of physiotherapy and eye check ups, paid for many many expensive bills for any thing a father usually are accountable for. She often sobbed at her work place whenever pain hit her bad in joints and her broken heart, but she never brought them home to me.
When dad left, he told us himself that I am better off with mom. As he never knew me despite being my biological father. And that he would never be able to attend to my needs and he wouldn't want such burden. It was she who took me home when I didn't know where to go.
7. She's my BFF.
As I aged, I knew mom felt the distance between a teenager and an aging mom. She strived to pick up and understand whatever my interests and current likings and opened herself up to the youth world in hope that she would have a place in mine. Despite her fatigue, she would go shopping for hours with me like what girly girls would do and experiment make ups with me on my prom night.
She texts me. We talk like friends. The language were always informal as we call each other names like "woman" and "babe" Conversations with her never had a barrier because she is my BFF. I never had to look far for a friend as she is always there for me.
8. She pampers me.
Despite what other people say, she would deny that she pampers me too much. Deep in my heart I always knew that mom had always pampered me. She bought me an upright grand piano just because I scored a distinction in Vocal Grade 5. Even on Mother's Day she would buy me gifts and attend to my tummy aches and other discomfort. There is never a rest day for her, it was always a Queen's day for me.
9. She feeds me.
Mom is ever worried over my weight. As my family has past histories of health problems from weight gain. Despite the trouble of putting me through diet, she feeds me the best food, the best piece of lean meat, the best bread, organic vegetables. Also, she tries to let me have what I loved to eat that were no good for my diet, she would figure ways to get me there and stay healthy for as long as I am healthy and happy.
10. She loves me.
She could've chosen to let me go when our families parted. She could've chosen to send me a way when there was opportunity. She could have given up on me and leave me to suffer whatever I was going through. She never done any of such. Despite all the dirt I carry and all the troubles I caused, she loves me unconditionally.
It is not only for Mother's Day I do this. These are just the ten things I never had the guts to tell Mom how much I appreciate her being around and her love for me. These things never hit me during my daily life, but it hit me hard when she teared at the sight of a table full of dim sum when I took her out for Mother's Day breakfast.
I love you Mom.
Labels: journal passages
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Young Molly.
Posted by Vaga Luna at 6:15 PM
I have a trust issue. I've been trying for so long, but nothing seems to work. I dislike where I'm at on Sacred days. I don't know if it is because I have failed to understand how other tribes are like compared to the tribe that I've always grown up with.
I love you. But I love myself too much to lose in anyway I can possibly lose. I loved the heart racing games we played when we danced around for days and weeks yearning for each others touch and commitment. It's almost a year now, and the commitment is starting to mature, but I'm not ready to grow older with it. I am an obsessive lover, an attention seeker. I am ME. I have been thrown around and abandoned too much by those who once were in my life. I am stronger on my own, I am weaker when I'm clinging on one's back.
I'm confused. It tears me to let you go. But when I had those few days of letting you go, it was a few days of haven. Does this mean, I should hurt for a winter, and be happy for the rest of the seasons to come?
You are ego, I am ego. Ego are us that brings us no where. Neither one of us are submissive, neither one of us are willing to try. I once told someone that my heart will never change for you. But I realized that he knew me better than myself. My love never changed for you, but my love for myself grew deeper each day. I despise your friends, the people you serve. You are a stranger to mine and to the ones I love.
The world doesn't belong to us both, love. I see myself drawing nearer to the day where I would be taking in the aroma of freshly brewed coffee in the early morning, and starting the day with a confident smile, dancing down the road, with only my shadow as my companion. I know this longing will take me no further as I age and that I must stop somewhere. I very much want you to be in it, to fit in my life. But unlike you, I still don't know who would be the one for me till death do us part...
Would there be a change of desire? Or will I continue to be the lass with the delicate air?
Labels: journal passages
Coloring flowers
Posted by Vaga Luna at 12:46 AM
When reality hits me hard, and I need a good laugh, there's always someone who makes me go rolling and FOREVER on Google Talk. And I mean, FOREVER. Period.
We are two random buddies who can talk shit and go emo within 40 seconds. :P
This particular conversation begun like this:
Charmaine: Sigh, I see lovers around me, so lovey! Tagging each other in statuses.
Weisern: LOL same case lar, my best friend no longer like my post or status anymore.
I feel kinda weird actually, emo moments....
I miss those days..
Charmaine: Hmm ok. I actually meant that I don't get to be so lovey despite having a boyfriend,
but OKAY...
Weisern: Yea lar, sometimes those little things are what that matters most.
Charmaine: Aww Weisern, if only you were the man of my dreams...
And we both went :
ROFLMAO/LMFAO/LOL/ROFL/HAHAs
Yes, this is a random post.
Other readers may not understand this, but hey, you know who you are when you're reading this and that's all that matters!
Weisern, this post is dedicated to you, may you not feel left out though you're in India, and in some ways, thank you for being such a nice online buddy!
Labels: random
Monday, April 26, 2010
You and me
Posted by Vaga Luna at 11:18 PM
I have always been a thinker. I always am a fighter. I always needed my plans to be as bulletproof as possible, and often re-plan just so I won't miss out any unexpected changes that may take place.
When I met you, I lost myself in you, you gave me the joy I always hoped to have again. A hand to hold throughout the sunset and a listening ear to all my joys and pains. The moment chemistry sparked, I told myself I 'm not going to let this- us go. Thus, we clicked.
The stubborn me, needing to know if this relationship is bulletproof. I tested us in any bitchy way I can be. I needed to know if you'd still stand by me. You did. You made me see a different side of love, that this may just be different, that this may just be it.
Over the times, I've done my mistakes and I apologize. But looking at us in a third party's point of view, I'm nowhere fitted in your likes and dislikes. Staring at you, smiling with such joy with another, doesn't make me feel jealous. Just made me realize even more that I am not capable of it.
I don't want to continue in this illusion that we may work, we could work, we'll probably work. I don't want to be the one in a bucket of tears when it's all been said and done. I gathered my wits to put a checkmate to this, but I often chickened out and emotionally let the thoughts of not having you in my arms again slap me out of such courage.
It hurts me that you'd refuse to listen to my heart cries and claim to not have anything to do with it. It hurts me to see that you'd voluntarily listen and help others who need such company. I miss the times when we'd talk all night long on the phone and on the web. Does this mean we're only meant to be best of friends? Does this mean you're meant to be so near yet so far? What can I do to have your heart?
I long to be safe in your arms and secured with your love.
I looked upon heaven and pray that Father would show me which path to take and how to go through each and every day with such pain and yet at the same time such love from you.
Or maybe I'm just a loser in relationships.
Labels: journal passages




